Fire The Walrus

Well, our worst nightmare — short of a Super Bowl impossibly including both the Giants and the Cowboys — has come to fruition: Another Giants-Patriots Championship Game. And you said this season couldn’t have gotten any worse…

While we were praying for a Harbouwl, we will now be praying for a stadium collapse the apocalypse to occur on February 5(*). Best of luck, world!

(*) Someone get Harold Camping on the phone!

This sucks. The Jersey Giants are on the cusp of winning another Lombardi… Meanwhile, that bloated Walrus washed up on the Ocean City shore is just coming back from vacation, hiding out from the wrath of the fans.

Oh, maybe you didn’t hear… Steve Spagnuolo is the Saints’ new Defensive Coordinator. Yep, Juan is indeed not done. But hey, at least the Eagles 2012 championship hopes already are!

Why haven’t we mentioned this yet? Pure anger. Plus we wanted to see if The Walrus poked his tusks out of his ass to mention it to the media. Of course he didn’t, but rightfully so… There was never an indication from within the organization that they were looking to make a change at Defensive Coordinator, it was simply all speculation(**).

(**)Andy and Spags have the same agent. If you buy that there wasn’t any talk at all, we have some 2011 Eagles playoff tickets to see you.

Why were we angry though? Well, while Head Coaches like the Saints’ Sean Payton and the Falcons’ Mike Smith wasted no time in upgrading their coaching staff, a mere day after getting bounced from the playoffs, The Walrus had his head buried in the sands of the Caribbean. Hope you enjoyed your vacation, Red! Thanks for bringing us back the exact same underachieving staff as last year!

Not only that, he returns to find his arch rivals in the Super Bowl… You’d think that would be a slap in the face to Andy, but he can’t feel a thing through those jowls.

So, here we are Eagles fans. Forced to sit through another Super Bowl without a team wearing Kelly Midnight Green. Another Super Bowl with our rival Jerseyites one win away from another bullet of ammunition against us. Another Super Bowl for the real “Gold Standard” of the NFL.

Another Super Bowl with anger in our hearts and hopelessness on our minds.

Here’s to the Mayan calendar ending early!

This entry was posted on Monday, January 23rd, 2012 at 9:11 pm and is filed under The League, The Walrus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.