Fire The Walrus

Warning: Contents of post may potentially be incoherent. Proceed with caution and hatred for your football team.

“They are who we thought they were,” Dennis Green, former Head Coach, Arizona Cardinals

That’s right folks, the Eagles are exactly who we thought they were. Are they the resilient, battle-tested, never-say-die team they were in comebacks the first two weeks of the season, particularly in the Ravens game(*)? Are they the complete failure of a football team they were today in Arizona? The answer is no… they are somewhere in between.

(*)We have yet to comment on last week’s game, due to an incredibly busy week… However, we were far from satisfied with that victory – as nice as it was to win that game. But the fact is, the Eagles lost that game, or at least did, until a phantom offensive pass interference call saved The Walrus’ blubber. We’ll have more to say coming later this week.

In other words, the 2012 Eagles are a middling, 8-8 team. They are who we thought they were.

We seriously need to sit back and digest the unbelievable horror we witnessed today, before we’re capable of fully comprehending just how bad this team played, in all aspects of the game. But a few lowlights stick out in particular, and they are common things we’ve been harping on for weeks years.

Andy Reid/Marty Mornhinweg’s playcalling was remarkable in its atrocity. They’re preparation of their team was equally hideous. Michael Vick holds onto the ball longer than Dramavon McNabb ever did and is simply the worst decision maker in football, not named Roger Goodell. The Offensive Line is a shitshow. And the Defense remembered that it’s coached by Juan Castillo and that he despises tackling.

We really don’t even have anything to say about this one… Read Reuben Frank’s great piece on CSN that perfectly sums up how we feel about Michael Vick, but with, you know, facts(**). Sure, we could bitch and moan about three straight pass plays from the Cardinals’ 2-yard line(***), when the best Running Back in football is just twiddling his thumbs and staring at the grass in the backfield… But who even cares any more.

(**)Also check out Frank’s “What If?” piece on Kevin Kolb for an interesting take on the current diverging careers of Kolb and Vick.

(***)Seriously, what the fuck?! There were 16 seconds left and no timeouts, but that’s plenty of time for a non-Andy Reid coached team to pull off a run or two.

The hatred we feel for this team is palpable. It’s just the same bullshit over and over and over and over and over and over again. It never ends. It’s never going to end. We are stuck in perpetual insanity.

Jeffrey Lurie needs to man up and finally try something new. The Billionaire – well, now The Half-Billionaire – needs to stop being a scared little pussy and fix this broken mess of a franchise. End our misery, Lurie… Find your balls.

Fire The Freaking Walrus

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 23rd, 2012 at 8:14 pm and is filed under The Walrus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.