The Walrus Loses His Mind, Game

We’re angry. Very angry. Like, “we’d fulfill Andy Reid’s throat-ripping prophecy if we saw him on the street” angry.

There isn’t really much to say about this complete disgrace of a football game – a game that was eerily similar to EVERY SINGLE home loss the 2011 Eagles put us through – except that Andy Reid single-handedly cost the Eagles a win. Yes, Michael Vick is terrible, and getting worse by the week, but as usual, The Walrus’ arrogance is the team’s biggest weakness.

One drive in particular epitomized the entire, fifteen-year Andy Reid experience:

With 3:32 remaining in the fourth quarter and the Eagles leading by three – and only needing two first downs to seal the game – Andy Reid called the following play sequence: Pass; Run (insanely called for Bryce Brown, NOT McCoy); Pass (out of Shotgun)… IN THE NO HUDDLE/HURRY UP OFFENSE! Seriously. That happened. The Eagles gained 6 yards over three plays and took just 1:05 off the clock.

What?!??! You know how in the history of the NFL no team has ever attempted to run out the clock by running the hurry-up Offense and throwing out of the Shotgun? Well that just changed… Because the man in charge of coaching the Eagles is dumb. Literally stupid. There is no other explanation.

Did he get confused and think it was the third quarter? Did he think he would fool the Lions? Did he have a stroke?! What the hell was he thinking?! It makes no sense.

It’s absolutely mind-blowing. The Eagles averaged less than six plays per drive on their 14 drives today, including five three-and-outs. That’s bad. Even worse, two of those three-and-outs were the Eagles’ last two drives. Andy Reid closes football games the same way he closes his refrigerator… He doesn’t.

But you’re right, everyone-who-still-thinks-Andy-deserves-his-job… We should continue to let the guy with the mustache IQ of a sea-dwelling, tusked mammal coach our team.

Michael Vick might suck – and will surely be blamed for this inevitably unsuccessful season – but Andy Reid is the root of the problem. He must go. Immediately.

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