NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Andy Waves The (Food-Stained) White Flag

According to ESPN’s Chris Morternsen, and via profootballtalk.com, Andy Reid is considering bringing in a Defensive Consultant during the bye week. Oh boy!

Now, whether that means Juan Castillo keeps his current job or not remains to be seen. Nor does it mean that the Defense will improve at all… it’s not like a consultant is bringing new Linebackers and Safeties with him. And who exactly Andy pegs to be said consultant doesn’t really matter – PFT floats the name of former Titans’ Defensive Coordinator Chuck Cecil as a possibility – because this is just another case of the Andy Reid-regime Eagles waiting until it’s already too late to admit they were wrong.

Buddy-forbid, Reid could have just gotten it right the first time and hired an ACTUAL Defensive Coordinator. But nooooooo… his extreme stubbornness and fat arrogance makes him think he’s the smartest mammal to ever put on a coach’s headset. Didn’t you know – Andy Reid INVENTED the game of football!

It’s truly sickening. Why must it come to this? Why must the Eagles’ coaching situation need to be a national story?

Yes, we jumped on the whole ‘all in’ bandwagon too(*), but in hindsight, how could we, the team or anyone else, think they were going all out for a Super Bowl WHEN THEY HIRED THEIR FREAKING OFFENSIVE LINE COACH TO COACH THE DEFENSE. It was a major red flag, and yet, here we are, five weeks into the season and the Eagles are just now realizing that maybe it wasn’t the best idea. You think guys?!

(*)You know we’ll always be the first to admit when we’re wrong.

The Defense only gives up the fifth most points in the league (ranked 27th overall in points allowed and 26th overall in points allowed per game – an abysmal 26.4), is dead last in the Red Zone (giving up points on more than 78 percent of opponents trips inside their 20-yard line), allows the third most touchdowns per game (3.4), and is ranked 30th overall against the run and has missed an NFL record 1,238 tackles (estimated). The team is also 26th overall in takeaways and dead last in Offensive turnovers. And, oh yeah, the Defense is ranked 32nd overall (out of 32) in Defensive Efficiency – via Football Outsiders amazing stat work

Man, it’s a good thing Andy waited until Week Six of a 16-game season to address the Defensive problems!

Yesterday, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal – on their weekly NFL recap/betting-line B.S. Report Podcast – pontificated about the Eagles woes, and if they stem from the insanely shortened offseason. Sure, there were many new faces on the team, particularly the defensive-side of the ball, and not to mention the change in coaches… but with only six weeks to prepare, how could they have gelled and become a cohesive unit? Not only was Castillo switching from Offense to Defense and was learning on the fly, but he also acquired six new starters and had to get them prepared in an extremely abridged amount of time.

Well, then how do you explain Jim Harbaugh taking over AN ENTIRE TEAM in San Francisco, with the same time frame and similar plethora of new players – not to mention the fact that they lost their best Defensive Lineman in Aubrayo Franklin – and turning the team around to a 4-1 start and an almost certain division title? How come the 49ers aren’t struggling mightily? How come the Carolina Panthers – who hired our old whipping boy Ginger McDermutt as Defensive Coordinator – are ranked 9th overall in Red Zone Defense(**)?

(**)The Panthers do, however, rank awfully low in points allowed (26th overall, ahead of the Eagles), touchdowns per game (23rd) and run D (27th).

It’s just so typical of Andy Reid to let this problem fester to this point. Assuming they DO bring in a consultant, whoever it is won’t start until the Bye Week (Week 7), when the Eagles will already be 1-5 (we assume). What’s the point? Are we to believe that a consultant can fundamentally change the Defense for the better, propelling the Eagles to a 10-game win streak and a playoff spot? Hell no. Plus, Juan Castillo will keep his job and work with the consultant. Again, what’s the point?

Unless The Walrus is also planning on hiring an Offensive Red Zone consultant(***) and a play-calling consultant and a clock management consultant, this team is not going to improve. Just like the 2007 season, the 2008 season, the 2009 season and the 2010 season, everything remains the same. Only the names of the players change.

(***)Another thing Simmons mentioned on the podcast… When the Eagles have the ball at the opponent’s goal line, you expect the Eagles Offense to move backwards. And they always do. And this is coming from someone who doesn’t watch the team regularly.

It’s time for The Billionaire and The Devil to bring in a consultant of their own. A football consultant. Someone who can oversee both the Offense and Defense.

You know… an actual NFL Head Coach.

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