Depression, Thy Name Is Eagles Fan

We were rather calm while watching that game last night. As we pontificated last week… What’s the point anymore? Why get to borderline heart attack levels and lose our voice every week, when the actual team playing the games doesn’t seem to care remotely as much?

But in all honesty… We’re depressed. And you probably are too. An eight game losing streak will do that to you.

Even worse is losing to the Cowboys. Twice. In four weeks.

We’ve always said, since the time before we were jaded and cynical(*), that the Eagles could go winless all season, as long as they beat the Cowboys. Well, the Eagles are three plays away from being winless, and lost to the Cowgirls TWICE!

(*)Yeah right! That was never a thing…

The worst part about that is: The Cowgirls are freaking terrible! Obviously not as terrible as our heroes team pathetic excuse for football players in midnight green, but terrible nonetheless. They are bad. They are not a playoff team – even if they’re not yet mathematically out of it yet – and they are certainly not a Super Bowl contender.

Last night, a non-football fan who was watching the game with us, asked if Tony Romo was good. How do you answer that?! The question came moments after Romo broke Troy Aikman’s All-Time Cowgirl concussion touchdown pass record. We really didn’t know how to answer. Sure, he’s got the numbers, but they’re more a product of longevity and the fact that the Cowgirls used to feature workhorse backs like Emmitt Smith, Tony Dorsett and Herschel Walker. It took Aikman 12 years to rack up 165 TDs, while Romo didn’t even need 9 full seasons. Credit that to a pass-happy NFL and a Cowboys Offense that hasn’t had a “great” Running Back during Romo’s tenure(*).

(**)We mentioned on Twitter last night that Cris Collinsworth referred to DeMarco Murray as a great Running Back… And we still can’t figure out if Collinsworth caught a bad case of the Grudens or if he’s just completely full of shit. Or both. Murray’s the best RB Romo’s had, but he’s not even one of the best RBs in the NFC.

So, Romo has the numbers, sure… But he’s only taken his team to the playoffs three times, winning just one playoff game and hasn’t been there since 2009. He’s a perpetual underachiever. And it’s not like he hasn’t had the weapons around him.

A month ago, when the Cowboys were here, someone we were at the game with noted that Romo was the Cowboys’ Donovan McNabb… And we thought that was the GREATEST comparison ever made! But when you really look at it, it’s an insult to Donny Drama. Romo is bad. And is half the leader McNabb ever was(***). But hey, at least T.O. had Romo’s back!

(***)Which is scary… For Cowgirls fans.

The only reason people even consider Romo to be a star is because he plays Quarterback for No-Longer-America’s Team… Arguably the highest profile position in sports. Hell, remember when people thought Quincy Carter was a star?! Good times!

But back to the team that matters… Losing to a shit Cowboys team hurts. A lot. Every lose hurts. And eight straight is downright painful.

It looked as if we were finally gonna get the walrus monkey off our backs last night, but then the Birds’ Defense remembered who they were. We’ll never forgive Blaine Bishop for his atrocities in the 2002 NFC Championship Game, but Kurt Coleman and Nate Allen have officially surpassed him as our most hated Eagles defender(s) ever(****)(*****).

(****)Yes, even more-so than Izell Jenkins, Mike Mamula, Levon Kirkland, Jason Babin and Nnamdi Toastmugha. 

(*****)Freddie Mitchell will always and forever hold the title of most hated Eagle EVER.

This season is excruciating. We hate every second of it, yet we can’t stop watching and caring and, simply, just want a fucking win. It’s just the way we’re wired. There’s no bone in our bodies that could get us to root against our favorite team or turn off the TV. It’s just not possible. The Eagles are our heroin… We’re addicts for life, no matter how many times we claim we’re going to rehab.

Welcome to our depression. At least we know we’re not alone.

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