The Eagles will win anywhere between 8 and 12 games. They may or may not make the playoffs. They may or may not win a playoff game. But ultimately, they will fail to win a Super Bowl.
Pessimism? Sure. Reality? Surer. Fantasy? Why not…
Regardless of how it ends, we’re destined to continue to repeat history. You may want to sit down for this, but… You ready? Brace yourself… Andy Reid will undoubtedly be the Head Coach of the 2013 Philadelphia Eagles.
Take a deep breath.
So, obviously, somebody else needs to be blamed. If you haven’t heard, the 2011 abomination was simply the fault of what The Billionaire called “a rash of injuries.” The only rash we recall was the one up Desean Jackson’s ass when he quit on the team in Seattle(*). Who will this season’s scapegoat be? It’s anyone’s guess. But we do know, there will be blame!
(*)But that’s another story…
There are so many people for The Walrus to throw under the foodtruck, that we may as well have some fun figuring out who it will be… Welcome to the 2012 Eagles Fantasy Blame League(**)!
(**)Idea copyright David Jacoby.
The rules are simple: Draft a “team” of Eagles’ players, coaches and executives; Scoring cumulates over the course of the season; Nobody wins.
- Subject of Negative Article – 5 pts
- Called Out by Teammates/Players – 10 pts
- Argument with Teammate/Coach -15 pts
- Argument with Media Member – 25 pts
- Benched/Losses Play-Calling Duties – 25 pts
- Vote of Confidence – 40 pts
- Cut/Fired – 100 pts
- Blamed for Failed Season – We All Lose
Here’s how the draft panned out:
1. Juan Castillo
2. Mike Vick
3. Jim Washburn
4. Marty Mornhinweg
5. Christina Lurie
6. Howie Roseman
7. Vince Young
8. Jeffrey Lurie’s Divorce Attorney
9. Joe Banner Retroactively
10. Replacement Refs
Magic Don Juan Cantcoachdefenselo was the obvious number one pick and at the top of everyone’s draft board. After Juan and Vick though, the blaming talent takes a steep fall. Washburn’s ludicrous Wide-9 was a source of much scorn and had a strong showing in 2011 blame. If the Offense is below-average, it’s clearly Marty’s fault, not Andy’s. The Christina Lurie/Lurie’s Attorney handcuff was a major coup. The sleeper pick may be the replacement refs, as one egregious call could grant The Walrus a free pass at keeping the insanity going.
Get your leagues ready and draft your team… Let the blames begin!