NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Eagles Defense Takes A Bowles Movement

Somewhere today, Juan Castillo was in front of his television, watching the Eagles-Falcons game and laughing his ass off. And rightfully so…

The Todd Bowles-led Eagles Defense, provided fans with the single worst performance we’ve seen since Seattle came in to the Linc on a snowy Monday night in 2005 and gave our team a 42-0 whupping. Missed tackles, blown assignments, stupid penalties, overpaid-CBs being burnt by underpaid-WRs… The Defense today was either simply pathetic or somehow possessed by the visiting Asante Samuel. Either way, it was a train wreck. But hey… At least they got their first sack since week 2!

Nnamdi Toastumgha should be benched for the remainder of his ridiculous contract. Kurt Coleman and Nate Allen should be traded for a bag of balls and a kicking tee, respectively. The Defensive Line should never play football again. Somehow, the Linebackers are the best unit on the D. Somehow, this Defense has gotten even worse.

Did anybody in the entire universe believe that the Defense would regress AFTER firing Juan Castillo?! It’s almost ludicrous how bad they were.

And we haven’t even gotten to the worst, most pathetic part of this Eagles team yet… No, not the Offense – which we will be getting to either later tonight or tomorrow – but, Andy Walrus Reid.

We can talk about the playcalling. We can talk about the punt on 4th-and-less-than-a-yard while down 17. We can talk about the insanely shitty scripted plays that Andy had planned for two weeks. But, guess what guys? This is it. The end is here. He can’t fire Juan again(*) and he’s running out of scapegoats(**). Ladies and gentlemen… We officially have nine weeks left in the Andy Reid-era!

(*)Though, as we pointed out to others in our section at the game, he DOES still have another Offensive Line Coach to fire!

(**)Though Michael Vick WILL be the next to lose his job.

As the rain and “Fire Andy” chants poured down around him, Andy Reid HAD to come to the realization that his time as the Head Coach of the Eagles is no longer his. Did you know that he gave the team a passionate, Tony D’Amato-esque pregame speech? Well, his words and leadership affected his guys SO much that they came out and took a big, steaming dump on the field for him. Did you see his postgame press conference? He’s a broken man. He’s angry and irritable and no longer has a perfect post-bye week record. He’s a guy that knows his time is up.

Finally.

The Eagles are a VERY poorly coached team, all around, and just a poor team in general. They have no Offensive Line, an awful Quarterback(***), no sense of playcalling or execution, zero discipline and seemingly no interest in winning football games.

(***)If Vick were a pitbull, wouldn’t he have put himself down by now?

The players and coaches appear to know it. The fans DEFINITELY know it. In nine weeks, The Billionaire BETTER know it.

Nine more weeks… And Lurie will Fire The Walrus.

We have so many more thoughts on this latest disaster and a lot planned for this week, so make sure you check back often!

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