The Day After: The End Is Near… And It’s Painful To Watch

Is there really anything left to say? Honestly… We don’t even have it in us to be angry anymore.

Last night was such an embarrassment – a nationally-televised embarrassment, no less – we simply just don’t give a shit. The Eagles have gone from “the disappointing family member you can’t give up on” to “the disappointing family member you wish was never born.” This is a joke. A sick, twisted, insane joke.

And we actually laughed as Patrick Robinson walked 99-yards into the endzone, after picking off a Brent Celek-tipped pass from Vick at the one-yard line. We cracked up as Jimmy Graham swatted away Eagles defenders the way you or I would brush off gnats. Were we laughing because what we were watching was so humorous? No. It was more like the nervous laughter that comes during a traumatic event, where your body doesn’t know how to react and you lose control.

What a horrible experience. We’d use the word pathetic, but we’re afraid we’ve used up our lifetime quota of the word these past few weeks seasons. This team is flat-out bad. They are awful. They don’t deserve the love and support the fans show them.

We could yell and scream and rant about how terrible Mike Vick is, but he wasn’t even the biggest issue last night! Sure, he was as putrid as he’s been all season and, at this point, should just be removed from the field when the team gets into the redzone. But, it’s not his fault that the coaches CAN’T and/or WON’T make any protection adjustments. It’s not his fault that the Offensive Line is down to college back-ups and XFL-castoffs(*). It’s not his fault that he holds onto the ball long enough to get his chest caved in by unimpeded 300-pound Defensive Linemen… oh, wait…

(*)Remember when that was a thing?!

Yeah, alright, Vick is definitely the problem(**). But he’s definitely not the only one. He’s just the poster boy for this team’s miscalculated makeup. He’s just the face of mediocrity.

(**)As is Marcus Vick, but that’s a WHOLE other story.

Between the redzone clusterfuckery, the Offensive Line Sieve, the Defense that can’t defend – or tackle – and the bumbling coaching staff, this whole damn thing needs to be blown up and rebuilt from scratch. The longer we watched that game, the more we were reminded of how much we hate this team. Besides LeSean McCoy, Celek and maybe DeMeco Ryans and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie(***), there is no player we care to see remain in midnight green. None.

(***)Though, some of the idiotic mistakes that DRC has made the past few weeks are questionable, at best.

At this point, we’d much rather see Lurie move the team to Los Angeles – provided the city would retain the Eagles “franchise” and receive a new team within three years. Are we kidding? Only slightly(****).

(****)This is something we’ve actually been pining for for years. Basically, it’s the deal Art Modell made with the NFL when he moved the Browns to Baltimore in the 90’s, and would rid us of Jeffrey Lurie forever. Will it happen? Never. Would we kill ourselves without football in Philadelphia for even ONE season? Yes. Would Lurie’s team inevitably win a Super Bowl elsewhere? Without a doubt.

The only silver-lining is that, much like the Mayans, Andy Reid is almost out of time. The nightmare is almost over. The end is near, and the eulogies have begun to come in!

The 2012 Eagles season is seemingly over. But Walrus-hunting season is just beginning! More to come later today.

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