NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: It’s Not Easy Being Midnight Green

It’s no longer fun to be an Eagles fan.

Week after week, year after year, loss after loss we still get hyped up and go to the Linc. Still spend insane amounts of money and endless hours on this team. Still cheer and care and wish and hope. Still lose our voice – every week! And for what? What’s the point anymore?!

The Eagles flat-out suck. Remember 1998, the year before Reid waddled into town, when they went 3-13? This team is worse. Seriously. They are three – THREE! – plays from being 0-9. A dropped interception, a blown call by the refs and a missed field goal. That’s the difference between 3-6 and 0-9.

Hell, the Eagles’ best player today was Morris Claiborne… Who you may know as the Cowboys’ “stud” rookie Cornerback.

Without Claiborne, the Eagles don’t score one point after their first drive. From the second quarter on, Claiborne was called for FIVE holding or pass interference penalties – four of which gave the Eagles a first down. Three of those penalties led to an Eagles score. Coincidentally, the Eagles didn’t score on any other drive. The only way the Offense was capable of advancing the ball down field was by throwing towards Claiborne’s side and hoping he’d hold or interfere with his man. Which he did. Frequently.

Outside of that… the Birds had NO gameplan.

Of course, we can’t go any further without talking about Nick Foles. He is what he is: a rookie. We really can’t expect anything significant out of him. And even if he did somehow lead this team back to victory today, we have too many bad memories of Bobby Hoying, Ty Detmer and (ugh) Kevin Kolb to take him seriously. But that’s not the issue at hand…

Andy Reid, as he’s wont to do, didn’t help Foles out one bit. He didn’t adjust his playcalling, he didn’t max protect – even though the Eagles currently boast the single worst Offensive Line in football – he didn’t rely on LeSean McCoy to take the heat off the rookie. He didn’t do anything different.

And let’s not forget what happened at the end of the first half. The Eagles Defense (somehow) stopped the Cowboys on third down with 1:30 left in the half… Plenty of time to receive a punt and try to move the ball into field goal range, right? Wrong. Remember, Andy Reid coaches this team.

Instead of calling a timeout(*) and getting the ball back with 90 seconds, Andy allowed the clock to tick down to :50. After wasting 40 seconds for no reason whatsoever – other than to kneel on the ball and go into halftime down 3 – the Offense lined up in shotgun and ran plays. What?! Why?!!?!

(*)Because why call a timeout when you’re SUPPOSED to call a timeout.

That sequence perfectly summed up Andy Reid’s Philadelphia tenure: he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

This was beyond bad clock management and poor coaching. This was a guy who has absolutely no clue and/or simply doesn’t give a shit anymore. Andy Reid has completely checked out, and we’re the ones who are suffering.

Speaking of having no clue… Demetress Bell and King Dunlap need to murder-suicide each other. How either one of them is paid U.S. currency to play football is a mystery. Bell may as well dress for games as a SEPTA turnstile. At least Dunlap is the only Eagles player who can tackle… Oh, wait…

And before we forget, we want to quickly address something that is really bothersome… And no, we aren’t referring to the team drowning out boos by BLASTING shitty music.

Dear Eagles season ticket holders:
If you sell your Dallas game tickets to Cowboys fans, please shove a Tony Romo figurine up your ass and get the fuck out of our city.

This is the third straight year that the Linc has been completely overrun by the scum of the Earth (Cowboys fans) and we are absolutely disgusted. You are a traitor and the worst kind of fan. Save your money, stop buying season tickets and let someone who actually cares go to games. Also, go fuck yourself.

That’s it. We’re pissed. We’ll have more once we digest this latest in a long line of atrocities.

Five straight losses. If Jeffrey Lurie had any balls, he wouldn’t wait until the end of the season… He’d Fire The Walrus today.

Unfortunately, Jeffrey Lurie has no balls.

One Response to NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: It’s Not Easy Being Midnight Green

  1. steelersfan24 says:

    You pretty much summed it up.. the problem is, although the walrus WILL be fired soon (hopefully)… Lurie still owns the team (or is it his mommy…I’m not sure)…. and HE is the problem. He Hired Ray Rhodes.. He hired the walrus, and let him anal fuck eagles fans for 10 years… Lurie is the problem, and he is going nowhere.

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