Giving Thanks

On the eve of everyone’s – especially Andy Reid’s – favorite gluttonous holiday, Thanksgiving, we just want to take a moment to tell you what we’re thankful for.

First and foremost, we here at Fire The Walrus are extremely thankful for the 2012 Philadelphia Eagles. Sure, this is by far one of the worst seasons we’ve ever had to endure as lifelong diehards and season ticket holders(*), and appears to only be getting worse. But when you run a website dedicated to the demise of a team’s coach, it certainly helps when said team is atrocious.

(*)It’s battling 1994 for the number two spot right now. 1998 is without a doubt the worst Eagles season we’ve been alive for… But at least their three wins came at home! If this year’s vintage fails to win another home game, they will go down as the worst Eagles team ever.

Would we trade the success of this site for a playoff team? In a heartbeat! But you play the hand you’re dealt, and we were dealt a pretty decent hand for the Anti-Andy business.

So, while we have nothing but hatred for the 2012 Eagles… we also need to show our love! Could this season get any weirder?

Next, we’d like to give thanks for Jeffrey Lurie. The short-sighted, tightwad has proven yet again that he has absolutely no idea how to run a professional sports franchise. While we’ll always love the fact that he let’s his football people do the football things, he hasn’t employed an actual football person since the days of Tom Modrak. And while we have to put up with his penchant for nerdy, under-qualified GMs-Who-Have-No-Business-Being-GMs, the extension he gave to Howie Roseman provided us with reason to continue Fire The Walrus long after Andy is belly-up in the water.

And of course, how could we not give thanks to The Walrus himself, Andy Reid. Andy, Andy, Andy. You fired Juan, you forgot that Offensive Line is a position in the NFL, you stuck with Vick and you ate… A lot! What can we say that we haven’t said before? We love to hate you, and you make our job as easy as running or throwing on the Eagles Defense! Your stubbornness, stupidity and crumb-filled whiskers never cease to amaze us. Thanks for being you and not “coping-out.” We can’t wait to celebrate New Year’s Eve by kissing your pinkslip at midnight(**)! The Mayans were right: 2012 is the end… For overweight, Walrus-like coaches(***)!

(**)Admittedly, that sounds dirty.

(***)See also: Crennel, Romeo.

Last but not least, the thing we are most thankful for is… you, Fire The Walrus Nation. Without you spreading the good word about FTW and similarly being fed up with the coaching styles of The Walrus, we wouldn’t be here. Keep sharing the site and tell all of your loved ones tomorrow that your thankful for Fire The Walrus while you’re sitting around the dining room table, shoveling candied yams and mashed potatoes down your throat like you’re Andy Reid at a Boston Market.

Extra special thanks to Case Paper – we see you over there, giggling – and Zach Baron of Grantland.com. As a reader of Fire The Walrus, you probably know that we are avid fans, quoters and promoters of Grantland – particularly one Bill Barnwell. Well, in his review of the Eagles movie/love story The Silver Linings Playbook(****) that posted today, hometown favorite Zach Baron gave us a nice little shout-out! We are forever indebted to you sir, and especially the friend who texted you at 7:41 a.m. about us. And thanks to everyone who came by today, by way of Zach’s post!

(****)Which, by all accounts, is one of the best movies of the year and a phenomenal movie about Philadelphia. We have yet to see it, but we have it on good authority that everyone in the Delaware Valley should see it immediately. 

Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday, everyone!

(Now back to our regularly scheduled anger and hatred!)

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