NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Walrus Finally Fires ‘Mutt

January 15, 2011

It’s official! Andy Reid finally used his giant hairy flippers to find his Walrus balls and fire one of the worst Defensive Coordinators to ever come through the great City of Brotherly Love-Taking-The-Head-Off-The-Other-Teams-Quarterback.

Sean McDermutt, LET the door hit your ass on the way out of town! It’s the least you can do for us.

Sure, his D wasn’t the WORST ranked defense the last two years – ranked 12th overall in 2009 and 2010 – but the way they let offenses walk all over them on 3rd-down and in the redzone was an ugly, abysmal site.

The stats are glaring. In 2010, the Eagles ranked 30th in opposing touchdowns in the redzone, averaging 2 per game, and dead last in redzone scoring percentage, allowing opponents to score on almost 80% of their trips inside the 20-yard line. They also ranked 20th in 3rd-down conversion percentage (5.2 per game) and 21st in scoring defense, giving up 23.4 points per game.


A football team is only as good as it’s defense (watch the remainder of the playoffs), and the Eagles were a 7-9/8-8 team at best. The Eagles didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs… Michael Vick did. The stats prove it, the offense was good (and with a real line, could have been great), but the defense was simply mediocre. Vick was worth two wins.

Now the question is what happens next? Will The Walrus stay in house (likely) and snatch up Dick Jauron before the Browns pry him away? I’d say doubtful, considering Andy could have made that change at any point in the season. Rory Segrest, Defensive Line Coach, and Bill Shuey, Linebackers Coach, were both considered candidates to replace the late-Jim Johnson, before the job surprising went to McDermutt, and will probably get another look.

As you know, I’ve been screaming for Rob Ryan – Buddy Ryan’s son and Rex’s twin brother – because he has the attitude, swagger and balls that this defense has sorely been missing. He demands a hardnosed, tough, head-hunting unit… in other words, Eagles football. Plus, the Eagles can steal him from the Cowboys, who are reportedly close to signing him.

What are the other options? Besides starting from scratch and firing The Walrus… I don’t know. As I pointed out yesterday, one of things Andy has a knack for is putting the right assistants around him. He swung and missed (miserably) with McDermutt. Let’s hope he connects this try. At least for now, we can be happy that Ginger is gone and hopefully forgotten. Now all The Eagles need are three new linebackers, a real defensive tackle, another defensive end, at least one cornerback and a strong safety (the slightly-underwhelming Quintin Mikell is a free agent). Awesome.

Let’s just Fire The Walrus instead.

Whisker Wednesday

January 12, 2011

Who Wants to Fire The Walrus? Mikey Miss Does!
If you listen to Mike Missanelli on 97.5 FM The Fanatic – and I most certainly do on a daily basis(*) – then you probably know that he similarly wants to see Reid get the boot.

(*)We’ll definitely be getting to my pure, unadulterated hatred for that fraudulent Burger King-mascot assclown Howard Eskin, and his “buddy-buddy” relationship with The Walrus soon enough. My theory in short: He’s trying to get close enough to skin The Walrus so he can make another coat.

Mikey Miss also writes for’s The Philly Post, which you should definitely check out. Here’s a sampling of Missanelli post today, regarding our favorite water mammal, entitled “Andy Reid is Done”:

Well, I’m sick of the whole thing. For me, Andy Reid’s shelf life has expired. It happens to everyone in sports eventually. It happened with Donovan McNabb. We were just ready to turn the page. Things got stale. And the same thing has happened with Reid. I’m tired of the inferior game plans that succumb to the opponents who aren’t supposed to come into your home field and win a playoff game. I’m tired of the mistakes in picking personnel and drafting. I’m tired of the lack of sideline management and game day adjustments. I’m tired of the food jokes. I want out.

Well done Mikey Miss. This is why you’re number one!

Ron Rivera, We Wish You Were Here
Former Eagles Linebackers coach and longtime Buddy Ryan-Jim Johnson protégé, Ron Rivera is the new head coach of the Carolina Panthers. Shit. I’ve always loved this guy, who was simply too good of a coach to be an assistant, forcing him to leave JJ’s staff to be a coordinator and eventual-head coach. Honestly, it shouldn’t have taken this long… specifically because the Eagles should have shitcanned The Walrus in favor of him years ago. This quote from his introduction press conference alone should make The Billionaire and The Devil regret not bringing him back here (via

Rivera says the team will keep a 4-3 defense. One of Rivera’s attractive qualities is that he’s coached a 4-3 and a 3-4 defense. He says the talent in Carolina is built for a 4-3 and he will have an “attacking” style like some of his mentors Buddy Ryan and Jim Johnson.

Packers Fan’s Car Destroyed, Blames Eagles Fans
See this story?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Philadelphia fans are crazy and tough and destructive and blah, blah, blah… Come on dude, cut the bullshit. You stayed in the stadium late to celebrate Favre’s Shadow’s first playoff win, were so overjoyed when you got in the car that you weren’t paying attention and inadvertently hit a certain Walrus-like figure dressed in all black when exiting the parking lot. It’s ok, you aren’t the first, and until they rid us of this dangerously huge, tusked, small-brained Walrus, you won’t be the last.

Eagles Sign Sinorice Moss?!
Really, Walrus? I don’t think I’d take Santana Moss at this point, let alone his undersized (and that’s an understatement) kid brother who never lived up to the second round pick the Giants wasted on him. What, Jeremy Bloom wasn’t available?

Half-a-Week Later and McDermutt is Still Here?
Even though The Walrus announced that Ginger would be back as D-Coordinator (and Eagles-nation simultaneously shuddered in fear) I’m still holding out hope that that was one of Andy’s blatant lies. But I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if he was telling the truth. The wait continues…