Whisker Wednesday Poll: Scapegoat 2.0

October 17, 2012

Now that Juan Cantcoachstillo is gone and left to his own devices – like sending love letters to his beloved Walrus – there must be an heir to the scapegoat throne.

Michael Vick seems like the obvious choice, but it’s very likely that Reid is stuck to ride him out for the remainder of the year. Marty Mornhinweg could certainly receive the blame for the Offense’s horrendous play and penchant for turnovers, but then the playcalling/performance falls solely on Andy’s cushion-y shoulders, and we all know he won’t put himself in the line of fire.

On Twitter this morning, we pontificated that Bobby April will be the next to get the axe, and that actually makes some sense, considering the Eagles’ Special Teams unit has been putrid the last two years. Currently, the Birds rank 25th overall in kick returns, averaging just 20.8 per return, and 30th in punt returns… with only 5.5 per return! And while the Eagles Offense averages one of the worst starting field positions in the league, the Special Teams have given up the fifth most kick return yards, the MOST punt returns (22) and the MOST punt return yards (272) in the NFL. The Eagles’ Special Teams are just that… Special.

So, you can obviously tell who we think should join Juan as an ex-Eagle(*), but we want to hear from you… Who is Andy Reid’s next scapegoat? Let us know what you think!

(*)You know, besides The Walrus.

Whisker Wednesday: Juan More Time

October 17, 2012

We’re still on wide cloud nine!

No, not because a good man in Juan Castillo lost his job… But because we’ve finally arrived at the beginning of the end for The Walrus. Firing Juan was the first wave of the white flag for Andy, a move drenched in desperation and panic(*).

(*)But it hasn’t deterred Juan. He still loves Andy and would take a bullet for him! Awwww… Queue “The Bodyguard” soundtrack!

Now, we’ve waxed poetic plenty about the mistake that was “Juan the Defensive Coordinator,” and now that the team has finally moved on, so can we… But not until you read today’s Daily News piece by Paul Domowitch, where he absolutely lambastes Andy and unearths the fact that The Billionaire was skeptical of the move from the jump. Domo takes it to Andy for his lack of loyalty, severe allergy to hiring Defensive Coordinators and the selfishness required to fire Juan in order to save his own job.

And Domo hits on one other major theme that we’ve mentioned, oh, once or twice:

Some people might call what Reid did Tuesday decisive. He is owning up to yet another mistake he made and is correcting it.

I call it looking for a scapegoat.

Sound familiar? That’s what the whole 2012 season has become for The Walrus… Who can he blame for his failures? Whose employment is less important than his? Who will fall on the grenade, so that bits of walrus don’t go flying over everyone else? Who’s next?

Andy Reid will do whatever it takes to keep his job… A job he wholeheartedly hasn’t deserved since 2007.

Now the Defense rests in the (very capable) hands of Todd Bowles, who claimed yesterday that he will be sticking with Jim Washburn’s Gaping Hole Defense Wide-9 Defense(**). So, when that inevitably fails, at least Andy can fire Washburn and say it was his fault.

(**)Bowles also claimed that Andy told him he was going with his gut… Andy’s gut also told him to eat that old egg salad sandwich and buy Facebook stock, so…

Or, Andy can bench Vick for the zero-experience, raw project that is Nick Foles. Look, we know a lot of you are calling for Nick Foles to take the reigns of this Offense(***)… but there are major consequences if that happens.

(***)Why? We have no idea. He was OK in the preseason… But he’s NOT the next Joe Montana.

If Foles is good and takes this team deep into the playoffs (highly unlikely), he buys Andy Reid two-to-three more years in Philadelphia. If Foles is bad, and Trent Edwards remains Trent Edwards, Vick is the ONLY option on the roster and the team will be forced to pay him his guaranteed bonus three days after the Super Bowl, rather then jettison him after the season like they should.

Nick Foles is a double-edged sword for Eagles fans. At this point, we’re better off having the team play out the season as is, finish somewhere between 7-9 and 9-7, and finally end this 15-year clusterfuck of insanity.

This team is CLEARLY NOT winning a Super Bowl this season. The only hope we have is the end of The Walrus’ reign, the end of our misery and the end of our football team’s perpetual mediocrity.

Yesterday was the first step in the right direction. The first step to firing The Walrus!

Whisker Wednesday: Andy Admits Failure, Didinger Mentions Finger and Lombardi Kills Faith

September 12, 2012

Happy return of Whisker Wednesday!

Here are a few things you may have missed this week that smart people said about last week’s horrowshow of an Eagles game and the accountability of The Walrus and Vickhead.

Andy Reid Was Wr-Wr-Wr-….
It’s not often that The Walrus admits to a mistake, but today Andy “mammaled-up” about releasing 2011 second round pick Jaiquawn Jarrett on Tuesday.

Honestly, who cares if Andy admits he’s wrong about a draft pick… it’s not like that happens frequently! His history of second round picks is so atrocious, that the team just cut its second pick in the 2013 draft.

The Smartest Man in Football Confirms Our Analysis
Ray Didinger – arguably the most knowledgeable football mind in the known galaxy – sat down with notable non-hand model Brian Baldinger to watch the gamefilm of Eagles-Browns(*), and said many of the same things written here following Sunday’s game… just, you know, smarter.

(*)And we feel bad for anyone, besides the players who committed that atrocity, that should be subjected to it, which Didinger confirms was no fun to watch a second time.

R-Diddy waxed poetic about Vick’s bad mechanics and decision-making – “When he rolls left and throws a jump pass across his body into the middle of the field and a linebacker picks it off, that’s not rust, that’s lousy fundamentals” – as opposed to what Andy Reid referred to as “rust.” As Didinger says, and we alluded to Sunday, these are the same problems that have plagued Vick’s entire career and are obviously not going away. This particularly applies to Vick’s high-injury risk.

Here’s Baldinger’s analysis of one play in particular where a poor decision by Vick put him in a potentially costly situation:

Baldinger froze the tape at the point just before Vick released the ball.

“This is why Mike is hurt all the time, it’s plays like this,” he said. “Look, his leg is caught, his arm is back, he is totally exposed, but he insists on throwing the ball. He gets hit by three guys. He could’ve hurt his knee, his shoulder, his arm, his chest. He’s just hanging there. You never see Peyton Manning or Drew Brees take a hit like this.”

Baldinger ran his finger across the screen.

“Tell me what’s wrong with this picture?” he asked. “You have four Eagles [linemen] standing there watching as three Cleveland rushers crush the quarterback. It is amazing [Vick] doesn’t get hurt on this play.”

Do you think the finger Didinger refers to here is “the finger?” Wouldn’t you throw up if you saw that thing go past your eyeline?!

Mike Lombardi Makes Us Feel Even Worse
You know when you know the honest truth about something, but it doesn’t really hit home until you hear somebody say it out loud? Well that moment happened for us around the 16:30 minute mark of ESPN/Grantland’s B.S. Report with Bill Simmons, when guest Mike Lombardi of the NFL Network says what we’ve been saying since we launched Fire The Walrus… this team has never changed under Andy Reid, nor will it, and Michael Vick is not a championship Quarterback.

No new news, but just another intelligent football mind saying the same things as us: this football team has no direction.

And just another reason to Fire The Walrus.

Whisker Wednesday

October 5, 2011

Yes, you read that right… It’s the long-awaited return of Whisker Wednesday!(*)

(*)Assuming you’ve been waiting patiently by the computer for it…

Strained Relationships
Over at Philly.com, Paul Domowitch discusses the fine points of The Walrus’ straining relationship with the Philly media. Domo touches on some good points, particularly how the tenure of a coach has a direct effect on that coach’s relationship with the local media. More or less, the longer a coach remains in one place, the less information he thinks he needs to provide to the media. According to Domo:

“After 13 years as the Eagles’ king, after 13 years of listening to his agent tell him how powerful and omniscient he is, Reid feels he can do pretty much whatever he wants, whether it’s promoting an offensive-line coach to defensive coordinator or defying the NFL’s media policy.”

Another point revolves around the fans and what they want. Domo claims its information, but this is where we disagree. Eagles’ fans have disliked Reid for so long for one reason more than any: his arrogance. We touched on this the other day, but it’s true. It’s not that Reid doesn’t give enough info in his press conferences – like Domo says in the article, or common sense would dictate, the majority of coaches are withholding and stingy when  it comes to sharing information – but the fact that he has such an attitude about it.

Again, Walrus, you didn’t invent the game of football. Come down from that ivory (tusk) tower and remember that YOU HAVEN’T WON A DAMN SUPER BOWL YET!

Calling Danny Watkins
If you haven’t heard yet, 2011 first-round pick Danny Watkins will finally step foot onto a football field this year… to play!

Honestly, who cares? Watkins is yet another in a long line of underwhelming Andy Reid first-round picks. Sure, Brock Lesner’s twin hasn’t played a down of regular season ball yet, but we all know what’s coming, right? Failure.

Maybe it was the lack of an offseason, but Watkins got a chance in preseason and was clearly overwhelmed and overmatched. Reading the tea leaves, this doesn’t bode well with his pro prospects. Offensive Line, particularly the Guard spot, is usually a position that rookies are capable of stepping right into. So far, not so much for Watkins. We hope he proves us wrong… but he likely won’t.

The Dream is Dead
Vince Young may have declared this Eagles team to be a “Dream Team,” but like the back-up he is, his comment now has to take a back seat to the team’s real leader.

According to CSN Philly’s Andy Schwartz, Mike Vick has officially declared the “Dream Team” label dead. Thank Buddy!

“I think the Dream Team … that word is dead now,” Vick said Wednesday before practice. “You can’t talk Dream Team anymore. Maybe it put pressure on some players, maybe it didn’t. But I think just the fact that people turned it around and was talking about it creates a sense of pressure.”

Oh Michael, how we wholeheartedly agree… until he followed that up with this doozy:

“I think that’s over with now,” he said, “and I think that we’re one of the teams that scratch and kick from the bottom now and figure out how we’re going to get ourselves back to a position of being one of the best teams in the league.”

You know how you do that, Mike? Lose(**). Get The Walrus fired. And maybe put your team in a position to draft the next coming of Joe Montana Andrew Luck.

(**)We cannot actually root for the Eagles to lose… no matter how much closer it makes the “Walrus Fired!”  headline to being a reality. It’s just not in our makeup. It would be like rooting for a family member to commit suicide.

The Walrus Has No One To Blame But The Walrus Himself
In case you weren’t sick of fed up with murderous at Andy Reid for continuously claiming that HE needs to do a better job, Reuben Frank wrote an entire piece on CSN Philly yesterday about Reid putting the blame for the 1-3 start on his own bulky shoulders.

It’s chock full of Reid’s typical bag of cliches and half-assed excuses. Give it a read, it’ll infuriate you. It’ll get your Walrus-hating juices flowing. It’ll make you puke in your mouth when you remember he’s been saying this same bullshit for 13 FREAKING YEARS NOW!

“We’ve got to make sure we fix it,” Reid said. “I obviously don’t like what I’m seeing, and I’m a part of that problem.”

No Andy… you ARE the problem!(***)

(***)You know, and the whole no tackling thing…

Make sure you all thank Rube for yet another reminder of why we desperately need to Fire The Walrus!

Whisker Wednesday Poll

March 2, 2011

Whisker Wednesday continues with the Whisker Wednesday Poll: Who is your “Jerk-Off of the Week” (Non-Walrus Edition)?

The Philadelphia Eagles Front Office brass had a banner week (no pun intended) – from winning awards they have no business winning, to getting snubbed by the real winners of said award, to comparing the Eagles mediocre playoff success to the Steelers actual playoff success – the team’s executives certainly have a knack for getting under Eagles fans’ skin.

On top of that, their longest tenured player, David Akers, is unhappy and refuses to sign his Transition Tag (boo-hoo!), even though he’s a Kicker who can no longer make field goals past 30-yards.

Not a very happy-go-lucky time in Eagles Nation… Which begs the question: Who has been the biggest jerk-off the past week?

Personally, I have to go with The Killer of Kelly Green. We don’t hear from her often, but when we do, we all wish she would just shut the hell up.

Nobody cares that she was offended for not being thanked for simply writing a check. In fact, WE’RE offended that she would even say such a thing… considering the Lurie’s Oscar is a slap in the face to Eagles fans everywhere.

Rosenfield is a close second though… Charlie Sheen keeps us all “winning!”

Have a better candidate for “Jerk-Off of the Week?” Leave it in the comments.

Coming Soon… Oscar Snub Sundays!

Whisker Wednesday

March 2, 2011

And on Whisker Wednesday, MikeVick said: “Of course I’ll sign for one-year, $16 million!” On to the Whiskers…

The Devil Backtracks, Sticks Other Hoof in Mouth
Last Thursday – as part of his annual media tour – Eagles’ Executive Spin Man Team President Joe Banner The Devil made an appearance on 97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli show to offer his views on the current state of the team, Andy Reid’s future and to clear up his Eagles-better-than-Steelers faux pas.

It’s certainly worth a listen – though I’ll warn you, the contents of this interview may cause irritation and screaming – particularly for Banner’s take on how the team has “drastically changed” in the past two offseasons.  We’ll get to that in a second.

First, let’s give The Devil credit for wiggling his way out of his Eagles-Steelers statement(*), as only The Devil could. The blame can’t be laid on him, but the constantly-undermining local media, who purposefully isolate Banner’s sound bites to make him come off like a complete arrogant jerk. Sure. It has nothing to do with the fact that he thinks he’s smarter than the entire Eagles fan base or knows that no matter what he says, the seats will be filled. It’s always somebody else’s fault, not his… maybe that’s where Donovon got it from? 

(*)As you may recall… Banner tried to assert that the six-time Super Bowl champion Steelers, who have appeared in three of the last six Super Bowls and won two of them, really aren’t any more successful than the Eagles on balance, because they haven’t made the playoffs nine of the last 11 years, or been to five conference championship games in the last decade, the way the Eagles have.

Banner is basically saying that nothing he says can be taken at face value, because the media has manipulated it to make him look bad. He reinforces this by making the same statement before every answer he gives Missanelli: “I know this will clip will get isolated and taken out of context, but…”

Could he be more neurotic?! And he has the nerve to tell us he doesn’t care what we think of him?! Clearly we’re taking that out of context too, right Joe?

But I digress… as that isn’t the most infuriating statement Banner makes in the interview. Not by a long shot.

The conversation naturally traveled to another “publicly misconstrued” comment The Devil once famously made, following the Eagles loss to the Cardinals in the 2008 NFC Championship game: “The definition of ‘Insanity’ is doing the same thing over.” Again, Banner tried to claim that what he actually said was something entirely different(**), but then went on to say the team had made drastic changes since that. Mikey Miss grilled him on those changes, and Banner went on to describe the decisions made to change every facet of the team, aside from the Head Coach.

(**)Bullshit! That’s just another instance of The Devil thinking Eagles fans are gullible.

This is where The Devil’s true colors come out, as he claims that each and every move – from player personnel to position coaches – was a meticulously thought-out, calculated decision. So the Eagles planned on Jim Johnson developing Melanoma, taking a leave-of-absence and dying suddenly? The front office planned on getting stuck with Vick, after vigorously shopping him for the entire 2009 offseason? And that would mean that The Devil, The Walrus and Howie calculated Kevin Kolb getting hurt in the first game of the 2010 season and Vick turning into the weapon he became, right?

Guess what, Joe? Eagles fans aren’t stupid. In fact, we’re intelligent enough to know a rat when we see one. You sir, are a rat. We’ll keep feeding you money – and maybe that does make us dumb – but we will never give you respect. Nor will we ever believe a word you say… whether the media is taking those words out of context or not.

An Quick Update on Lurie’s Oscar-Before-Vince Transgression
Philadelphia Daily News’ Dan Gross, aka @PhillyGossip, had this piece in today’s column, about the Lurie’s snub at the Oscars:

“Charles Ferguson shouldn’t count on Christina and Jeff Lurie to fund his next documentary.

The director of Inside Job, which won best documentary at Sunday’s Oscars, failed to thank the couple, who were executive producers of the film about corporate malfeasance and the 2008 Wall Street collapse, in his on-stage acceptance speech.

After thanking 12 other people, he did thank the couple backstage on Oscar.com’s ‘Thank You Cam,’ but only after being prompted by producer Audrey Marrs.

Christina Lurie ‘felt like she was slapped in the face,’ wrote Metro‘s Laura Goldman yesterday, quoting a friend of Lurie’s.”

Sorry Christina, but you’re not the only one who felt like they were slapped in the face… just ask any Eagles fan how it feels to see Lurie bring home an Oscar before a Vince Lombardi trophy.

And One More Note on Lurie’s Award…
Many film critics and movie nerds are bashing Inside Job for winning the Academy Award period – regardless of the films’ Executive Producers – claiming it isn’t finished… and rightfully so.

How do you make a movie documenting an international financial crisis, when that same international financial crisis is still ongoing? Much like the events and crisis that the film depicts, Inside Job is essentially a movie with no ending.

But that’s another post, for another blog.

Whisker Wednesday… With a Poll? (Twofer!)

February 23, 2011

It’s a late and short Whisker Wednesday, but it’s a Whisker Wednesday indeed!

CBS Sports’ Senior Writer Clark Judge wrote a President’s Day piece on Monday(*) – happy belated! – honoring our nation’s leaders by forging a Mount Rushmore out of the top four NFL Head Coaches of the past decade. His Fab Four: Bill Belichick, Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgren and, our beloved coach, The Walrus.

(*)Thanks @SymbiotDesign.

I totally disagree with one of his choices, but (surprise)… it’s Mike Holmgren. If you’ve been keeping up, of course I recognize and respect Andy as the greatest Eagles coach and one of the top coaches in the league over the last ten years. That’s nothing new. So I agree that Reid belongs on Judge’s Decade-long monument.

But Holmgren?! What has he done in the last ten years besides keep Seattle competitive in an awful Division and spawn more Head Coaches? The Browns may be turning the corner, but I think Judge is as stuck in the 90’s as Portland.

Wouldn’t Bill Cowher – or more appropriately a Cowher/Mike Tomlin hybrid(**) – be a better representation of the past decade. Cowher has also seen many former assistants become Head Coaches.

(**)Tomlin with Cowher’s chin? Black Cowher?

Holmgren belongs with the likes of Bill Parcells, Marv Levy and Jimmie Johnson (ugh)… in the 90’s.

As for Reid’s inclusion, Judge had this to say:

After the Eagles lost to Green Bay in the playoffs, I got a call from a Philadelphia-area radio station, with talk-show hosts there wondering if it was time to get rid of Andy Reid. I suggested it was time they get a clue. Andy Reid is one of the most successful and least appreciated coaches in the NFL. Philadelphia doesn’t know how good it has it with the guy, but it might if it remembered that in the two years before he landed the Eagles were 9-22-1.

Yes, the two years before Reid were pathetic – thanks Richie K for the great Drafts and Ray Rhodes for your uninspiring coaching style! – but nobody forgets them. He continues with Reid’s impressive resume and lauds him for his courage to make bold decisions with personnel moves. Oh and he calls Eagles fans spoiled.

Judge takes the typical “National Media” stance on Reid – the one that makes passive-aggressive Eagles fans apathetic towards the team’s repeated pratfalls – telling Eagles fans that we’re spoiled and should worship the ground The Walrus sunbathes on. Again, we can all agree that Andy Reid is a good coach. He has been the best (and the worst) thing to happen to this organization since the early-90’s. And he could, for all we know, win a Super Bowl someday.

What the National-perspective doesn’t see is the game of history-repeated we follow day-in and day-out year round. Every year it’s the same thing with Reid. The clock management, the challenges, the play-calling, the Linebackers, the running game, the one missing piece that could put them over the top… Coming so close but never close enough. It never ends.

Pundits see the wins, the playoff appearances and Championship games. We see the past… and no rings.

The Walrus has one more season to prove that he belongs to be chiseled out of stone.

But wait, there’s more…

Take the Whisker Wednesday Poll: Who belongs on the past decade’s NFL Head Coach Mount Rushmore?

Have a better combination? Leave ’em in the comments.

Coming soon… Sunbathing Sundays!