The Day After: Super Tweets and Dangerous Rumors

February 7, 2011

The first thing I saw when I woke up this post-Super Bowl morning was the following text message: “Get on Twitter, there’s a rampant rumor that Andy Reid is fired!”

Thankfully, my bullshit meter was wide awake (even though I was not), because for not one second did I remotely believe that that was true. Of course, I did my due diligence and tracked down the origin of the “Andy Reid out, Jon Gruden in” rumor that almost exploded Philadelphia Twitter feeds. We can all thank @PhillySprtsWrld and @jaypot23 (an Associate Producer/Multimedia Editor for for pushing out Kyle Eckel’s (yes, former Eagles Fullback Kyle Eckel) “report”(*) and causing Eagles fans nationwide to lose their collective shit.

(*)Eckel tweeted the following this morning: “If I’m your ‘source’ to this [Eagles/Gruden] rumor please get that out of your mind. I wrote the rumor from pure hear/say. Careless of me.”

I can’t tell you how happy I am that I didn’t see that text until this morning. If I saw it when it was first received (slightly after 12:30 a.m.), I would have spent the entire night furiously searching for answers to debunk the rumor, arguing with the Andy Reid-Kool-Aid drinkers and simultaneously dancing around in joyous celebration. So, I’m happy I at least got to sleep… But what a crazy way to officially begin (what figures to be) a crazy offseason.

And yes, that reminds me; today should be a day of mourning… no, not for Steelers fans… but because football season is over. What a horrible, horrible thing. Even worse? It may not be back for a long time. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

For now, let’s take a look back at last night’s NFL finale, through the lens of the @FireTheWalrus Twitter feed, in real time (and thanks to everyone that followed along and joined in on the fun last night):

12:27 p.m. Happy Super Bowl Football Fans!

12:36 p.m. Every time I see the SB 37 logo (or the Bucs celebrating their win) I want to puke… That was our damn Super Bowl… #Eagles

12:37 p.m. From @loctastic: @FireTheWalrus was that the year we had Levon Kirkland on the team? You are correct sir. Gonna go slam my head on a Vet seat.

1:03 p.m. 18 game season. Team in London. Possible lockout. No celebrating. Roger Goodell is the worst thing to ever happen to the #NFL #FireTheCommish

1:03 p.m. Addendum to last tweet: No hitting.. Duh! That’s the most important one. And no blizzard games. Goodell is awful. #FireTheCommish

1:13 p.m. From @DaveCoulier: The @NFL will be showing a couple Full House clips during the #superbowl today. Really?! Not Step By Step or Mr. Belvedere?

1:26 p.m. From @AdamSchefter: Cardinals soliciting opinion of Larry Fitzgerald as to which QB he wants them to acquire/1st recommendation was Kevin Kolb.

2:11 p.m. So Deion Sanders is now a Hall of Fame Douchebag… #InsteadOfJustADouchebag

2:33 p.m. @NFLONFOX and @nflnetwork are both in hour 8 of their 13 hour pregame shows… What happened to replaying all the classic Super Bowls?

3:05 p.m. Ok, prediction time: As a #Steelers-hater I’m rooting for the #Packers… Unfortunately Pitt will get their 7th ring 31-30 #Sucks

3:07 p.m. @NFLONFOX‘s #SuperBowl Red Carpet is so stupid… Why isn’t @JoanRivers there making fun of @DeionSanders‘ suit and Michael Strahan’s gap?

3:25 p.m. Hey @NFLONFOX why does “Moose” look like he’s going hunting with Bing Crosby? #SuperBowl

3:42 p.m. From @sportsguy33: Dallas’ stadium looks like it landed here. It’s fitting, considering Jerry Jones’ face is made from space age technology

3:43 p.m. I so wish the #Eagles were in this game… Solely for the fact that we’d be terrorizing Dallas with #DallasSucks chants… #AndAChanceAtASB

3: 55 p.m. If only Conan’s Puppy Lingerie Bowl was a real thing…. #ButNotInAWeirdWay #SuperBowl

4:07 p.m. Construction workers were too busy working on Jerry Jones’ face to finish the temporary seating sections #SuperBowl #TrueFacts

4:15 p.m. Yikes who’s the worse @NFLONFOX personality: Bill O’Reilly, Joe Buck, Terry Bradshaw or Frank Caliendo? #DeadEven

4:24 p.m. Michael Strahan sponsored by @Gap.

4:51 p.m. Is Troy Aikman’s face made of clay? He looks like a character from “Celebrity Death Match”…

4:56 p.m. Roger Goodell and Jerry Jones to charge fans forced out of stadium $200 a piece to watch #SuperBowl at nearby bar

4:56 p.m. From @_S810: Leave it to Dallas to fuck up the SuperBowl. And somehow #Eagles fans will be blamed.

5:02 p.m. From @jasonjwilde: Airfare: $600. Hotel: $2000. Ticket: $800. Not having an actual seat at SBXLV: Priceless.

5:47 p.m. From @SheridanScribe: Aaron Rodgers emerges from tunnel without playing any imaginary instruments. I just lit my SB XXXIX seat cushion on fire!

5:49 p.m. Isn’t Frank Caliendo in “Black Face” racist? Or does nobody care cause its Frank Caliendo?

5:52 p.m. From @BrentCelek: Man I am so jealous of these guys. So are we Brent, so are we… #Eagles #WheresOurSB?

5:59 p.m. From @NFLONFOX: The inspirational reading of the Declaration of Independence by NFL greats is next! This is what happens when FOX has the SB…

6:01 p.m. From @dhm: Curt Menefee: “We are moments away from kickoff” Kickoff is at least 40 minutes away! Goodell changed the meaning of “moment” for the SB.

6:01 p.m. From @sportsguy33: Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Football! Soccer?

6:08 p.m. Is it me or does Joe Buck’s face scream “IM A HUGE DOUCHE AND YOU SHOULD THROW THAT BOTTLE THROUGH YOUR TV AT ME!”? #NeedNewTV

6:11 p.m. #Steelers #SuperBowl introduction is the exact polar opposite of what the #Eagles introduction would be….

6:12 p.m. From @skjensen: Jerry Green of the Detroit News said this is the worst run SB he’s been to. Credible since he’s been to them all. HA! #TakeThatJerry

6:23 p.m. Brett Kiesel’s beard ALMOST makes me want to root for the #Steelers #NotReallyButItIsAmazing

6: 26 p.m. From @nickkroll: I just bought a used car from Deion Sanders’ suit. Did it smell like snake oil and douchebag? #DeionSucks

6:52 p.m. These teams need to calm down a bit… Little too nerved up to start, reminds me of #Eagles-Patriots SB 39.

6:57 p.m. NOTE TO MARKETERS: Kenny G, not funny. #SuperBowl

7:03 p.m. Running and Defense huh? #TakeNotesAndy #SuperBowl

7:15 p.m. Remember when #SuperBowl commercials were funny?

7:16 p.m. Love the commercial for the NFL Draft that might not even happen… #LaborArgumentsAreDumb

7:16 p.m. Cowboys vs. Aliens looks a lot like an Indiana Jones movie… with aliens… again…

7:37 p.m. Man, if Mike McCarthy could possibly win a #SuperBowl I guess anything’s possible #TakeNotesAndy

7:39 p.m. From @philsphan19: @danieltosh will Christina Aguilera get a web redemption?

7:43 p.m. The #Packers Defensive gameplan is reminding me that we just made Juan Castillo Defensive Coordinator #IHateAndyReid #Eagles

7:44 p.m. Defense. Defense. Defense. #TakeNotesAndy #SuperBowl

7:52 p.m. From @pdomo: Two Big Ben turnovers, 14 Green Bay points. So that’s what having real Defensive Backs is like? I forgot…. #Eagles

7:54 p.m. Sick pass/catch… Why are Roethlisberger’s passes always epic looking?

8:04 p.m. This #SuperBowl Halftime Show is like being at Tavern on Broad… #OrAnyAwfulPhillyBar

8:05 p.m. Full disclosure: I thought the Black Eyed Pea with the long hair was a mute… #Superbowl

8:09 p.m. Oh @Slash…. What would 1987 you think of yourself now? #Ashamed #MakingAxlLookGood

8:09 p.m. From @gjb512: Axl rose is rolling over in a grave of heroin.

8:10 p.m. From @PhillyFansVoice: My 6yo son has not stopped dancing since the halftime show started. We’ll pray for you…

8:11 p.m. The half-dead Who were better than this atrocity…. And why is the halftime show longer than the second quarter?

8:13 p.m. Comment of the night (via Facebook): That was the most offensive #SuperBowl halftime show since Janet Jackson!

8:27 p.m. From @TheIdleRich: Sorry, Andy-haters: Packers called 16 passes, 7 runs in the first half. And they have a real Defense…

8:31 p.m. Wow Woodson is out?! #SuperBowl is far from over….

8:45 p.m. James Jones is looking like the Hank Baskett of 2011 #NoHands

8:49 p.m. These #SuperBowl commercials remind me of Jason Peters’ contract #AHUGEWasteOfMoney #Eagles

9:07 p.m. Again…. Defense and Running… How many times does it need to be drilled into our collective heads #TakeNotesAndy

9:11 p.m. From @ChefNizzy Green Bay has made a habit of letting teams hang around it just hasn’t bit them in the ass yet. The key term being “Yet”

9:16 p.m. The only thing more overrated than #SuperBowl commercials right now is the #Packers passing attack

9:17 p.m. “Keep Detroit Beautiful”? Was there a time when it was?

9:23 p.m. Really, Moe Syzlak is the only #Eagles representation in that commercial?! #NationalMediaHatesUs

9:48 p.m. Move over Bart, move over Brett… Aaron’s the new king of Wisconsin! #SuperBowl

9:51 p.m. From @Jeff_McLane: Packers’ run-to-pass ratio: 11 to 33. Somewhere Andy and Marty are smiling. And their 3 Turnovers have Juan Castillo cringing…

10:02 p.m. Wow, Roethlisberger has a chance to create his legacy here…. He’s historically clutch…

10:02 p.m. If I was a #Packers fan, I’d be more nervous than Charlie Sheen’s Publicist escorting him through Columbia.

10:08 p.m. Suck it #Steelers fans!

10:09 p.m. Wow… Mike McCarthy just gave hope to all #Eagles fans… you know, if we had a Defense…

10:10 p.m. Shit, football’s over….. 😦

10:13 p.m. Ok @NFL… Now its time to get a deal done, and make sure football is back by the week after Labor Day #Please #ForTheFans #YoureAlreadyRich

10:16 p.m. Hey remember before the season when everyone was picking the #Packers to win the #SuperBowl….

10:18 p.m. I’ve asked it every year since I was 5, and I’ll ask it again…. When is it OUR year? #Eagles

Just a remainder, “Andy Reid fired” rumors are not a joke. Someone could have seriously been injured while celebrating. Let’s be careful out there.

And again, Eagles fans… When is it OUR year?

Another Super Bowl, Another Trophy-less Eagles Season

February 5, 2011

Happy Super Bowl Weekend Fire The Walrus Nation!

Super Bowl Sunday is one of my favorite days of the year – along with the NFL Draft, Kickoff Sunday, Christmas and Buddy Ryan’s Birthday – but, as usual, Eagles fans will be watching without a horse in the race(*) – unless, of course, they’re gamblers.

(*)Or dog in the fight, if you enjoy Vick-related puns.

So with that being said, let’s take a quick look back at why the Eagles – and us as fans – will be watching from home… or self-sponsored Super Bowl parties:

  • No major Free Agent additions, particularly a veteran Defensive Back, and no Offensive Lineman taken in the draft, will eventually catch up with the 2010 Eagles.
  • Reid named Kolb the starter before Training Camp, thus forgoing a Quarterback competition/controversy from the get-go. Although many people (yes, including myself) were eager to see what Kolb could do – and the fact that Vick didn’t look all that great in Training Camp – maybe a real shot at the starting spot would have lit a fire under Vick, sending the team into the season with the explosive Offense it took four weeks to find.
  • For reasons unexplained – short of Andy Reid’s ego being the size of his gut – the Eagles first play from scrimmage included both Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick… and an illegal formation. How the first play of the season – something thought about, planned and choreographed – is illegal boggles my mind. The two were on the field together for almost half of the plays over the team’s first four drives, primarily in the Wildcat, and all in scripted plays that resulted in a total of three punts and three points.
  • The team blew a 19-10 lead in Tennessee, primarily at the hands of Kenny Britt (7 receptions, 225 yards, 3 touchdowns) but mostly because Reid was satisfied going into the season with Ellis Hobbs and Dimitri (the new Izel Jenkins, aka Toast) Patterson at Cornerback.
  • Following the Miracle at the Meadowlands (NUM-BER TWO!), and the most ridiculous decision in NFL history to NOT play a game in a blizzard (which we’ll get to eventually), Reid’s team came out flatter than than they ever have a gave away a chance at a playoff bye. In fact, that entire week – from Kurt Coleman and other players never really coming down from the high of the Giants game, to the two-day wait and Tuesday night game – deserves its own post.
  • For all of the reasons that the Eagles lost to the Packers in the playoffs – Vick’s interception, James Starks tearing up the Defense, bad calls from the refs – none stand out more than Reid’s playcalling, particularly the fact that LeSean McCoy only touched the ball 16 times. It was widely discussed before the game, both locally and nationally, that the way for the Eagles to win was on the legs of Shady. The Eagles miraculously had the 5th ranked rushing attack in the NFL(**) and were able to attack a three-man front, plus they needed to open up the field with play action in order to score on a tough secondary. But that plan never came, as Andy tried to outsmart himself, per usual.(**)Miraculous because leadblocker Leonard Weaver went down for the year in Week One, because Reid stubbornly refuses to run on a consistent basis (another post all together), and because the only real effective running play the Offense ran was the inside handoff out of Shotgun.

There are a plethora of reasons why the Packers and Steelers made it to Super Bowl XLV and a million more for why the Eagles didn’t. Green Bay and Pittsburgh both tout top-five Defenses, the Eagles don’t. And they probably won’t in 2011 either, as this offseason has begun about as unspectacularly as last year’s.

Another Super Bowl Sunday that we’re forced to watch simply as football fans – or fans of commercials with monkeys and talking babies. Another Super Bowl Sunday without our wing-helmeted heroes. Another Super Bowl Sunday that won’t end with Philadelphia finally possessing the coveted Lombardi Trophy.

We’re a city starved for football glory, while our Coach craves prime rib.

Congratulations Philadelphia Pittsburgh or Green Bay.

Watching the big game tomorrow? Join Fire The Walrus on Twitter (@FireTheWalrus) as we Live Tweet (also known as “make snarky, sarcastic comments on Twitter, ala Mystery Science Theatre 3000”) the Super Bowl… beginning with FOX’s pregame show.

See you tomorrow!

Whisker Wednesday Poll

February 2, 2011

Whisker Wednesday continues with the Whisker Wednesday Poll: Which Super Bowl XLV Prop Bet Would You Bet Your Life On?




There are literally hundreds on insane prop bets for the Super Bowl each year and 2011’s crop is even more crazy than ever. There are now even cross-sport bets (like Blake Griffin’s total number of points and rebounds vs. the Packer’s total points scored).

If you want to hear some funny, degenerate gamblers discuss inane prop bets further, check out ESPN’s Bill Simmons’ latest B.S. Report with Cousin Sal. For our purposes, I think I’d bet my life on the Over of Brett Favre comments. You gotta love the “God” shoutout by whoever wins the MVP award. And if history has taught us anything, I’m laying the mortgage on Donny Mac loses his Texas-style BBQ all over Steve Young’s nice new tie.

Got another Super Bowl XLV Prop Bet you like? Leave them in the comments.

Coming soon… Mopey Monday (no more football)!

Reason #1,018 to Fire The Walrus

January 25, 2011

The Terrell Owens Debacle

Aside from the late-80’s/early 90’s Reggie White-era underachieving Eagles, this has got to be the most frustrating and infuriating episode in Eagles history.

The whole Terrell Owens-on-the-Eagles thing felt doomed from the start(*). We all remember the long, drawn-out soap opera (including his agent, David Joseph, forgetting to file papers voiding the final two years of TO’s 49ers contract, the “trade” to Baltimore, the subsequent protest and arbitration) that famously culminated with TO signing a seven-year, $49 million deal with the Eagles on March 17, 2004.

(*)I was “in college” at the time – meaning I sat in my apartment all day, not going to class, getting stoned, watching movies and furiously following every move the Eagles made. I’ll never forget turning to my roommate after the whole Eagles-TO acquisition finally played out and (honest to God) saying “this isn’t going to end well.” I think it was due to the fact that McNabb and Owens instantly became best friends in an odd, forced way. Watching the two of them playfully joke around during interviews on ESPN almost felt like watching a Hollywood sham-marriage – where two stars are “set-up” by publicists to further an agenda (ie. Tom Cruise not being gay).

2004 was one of the most memorable and exciting Eagles seasons ever. Thirteen wins, the most by any Philadelphia Eagles team. The third-highest point total in franchise history (at the time). NFC Champions for the second time in franchise history. The team that finally got over the hump and went to a Super Bowl – though unfortunately without finishing the job.

With the 8th ranked scoring offense (would have been in the top-five had TO not broken his ankle in Week 15 and Reid not sat his starters in Weeks 16 and 17) and the 2nd ranked scoring defense, the 2004 Eagles were arguably the best Eagles team to ever take the field. But then the 2005 offseason happened, and everything fell apart.

After playing the Super Bowl on that semi-healed broken ankle – miraculously catching nine balls for 122 yards, but not getting into the endzone – and realizing that the “$49 million” contract he signed the previous year was only worth $20.27 million, TO signed with superagent/superasshole Drew Rosenhaus and demanded a raise. This led to:

  • The Eagles balking, and rightfully so. Though Owens was definitely a top-ten NFL receiver, he wasn’t paid like it. But he signed the contract the Eagles offered him and nobody held a gun to his head to do so.
  • Owens taking shots at McNabb’s Super Bowl choke-job, and rightfully so.
  • Owens attempting to play in the NBA Summer League with the Sacramento Kings, and the Eagles denying him.
  • Owens threatening to hold out, but not following through, choosing to submarine the team’s season instead.
  • Owens wearing a Michael Irwin jersey following a brutal loss in Dallas, just to piss off the fans.
  • Owens continuing his assault on McNabb, dividing the Eagles locker room.
  • Owens and a retired Hugh Douglas coming to blows in the locker room in front of the team.
  • The Eagles not celebrating Owens’ 100th career touchdown reception, leading to TO calling the Eagles “a classless organization,” and rightfully so.
  • The Eagles suspending Owens for four games for conduct detrimental to the team and then deactivating him for the remainder of the season.
  • Owens’ famous driveway sit-ups.

Whether TO was deserving of a raise or not is beside the point. The Walrus, The Devil and The Billionaire allowed their diva wide receiver to hijack a championship-caliber team at the height of its talent, causing an irreversible divide in the locker room and officially outing McNabb – a supposed leader – as a big puss who couldn’t fight his own battles(**). Even worse, the mess was documented on a national stage. Owens was the lead story on ESPN on a daily basis and his antics totally outshined an Eagles team that went 6-10 in 2005.

(**)Though the turmoil did give us the classic Sam McNabb “Black-on-Black crime” line, so at least we got that.

Sure, the Andy Reid-led Eagles have been back to the playoffs four times since 2004, including one NFC title game appearance, but the Terrell Owens debacle was the unraveling of the Reid-era Eagles.