NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Lurie’s a Winner, Hell Doesn’t Freeze Over

February 28, 2011

Well it finally happened. Something Jeffrey Lurie was fiscally-involved in won a trophy… and I, for one, welcome the incoming apocalypse.

That sound you heard last night – immediately following the announcement that Inside Job, Lurie’s film, won the Best Documentary Feature award – was the Delaware Valley collectively rolling its eyes.

Seriously though, how much can we truly bitch and moan about this? Realistically, it doesn’t affect Eagles Nation one iota. This is simply another branch of Lurie’s billion-dollar fortune; another avenue for him to spend money in a braggadocios way.

It is, however, frustrating for Eagles fans. And rightfully so. We are starving for our owner to hoist a trophy named Vince, not Oscar(*). To have him win an award in an industry other than football is a complete slap in the face. Shouldn’t all of his attention and focus be on winning a Super Bowl, not an Academy Award?

(*)Thankfully Lurie did not appear on the Oscar telecast – especially with trophy in hand – as I’d be out shopping for a new TV right now.

Of course, he didn’t direct, write or star in the film. He was simply a money guy(**). But isn’t that the exact same role he plays with the Birds? Isn’t he the “Executive Producer” (if you will) of a team that hasn’t produced anything but box office numbers and increased revenue?

(**)Inside Job was produced by Lurie’s documentary film company, Screen Pass Pictures.

It’s nice that he has other interests and investments outside of the NFL, but Eagles fans made Jeffrey Lurie the billionaire that he is today… it’d be nice to get a return on our investment too. Instead, we remain the punching bag for all NFL franchises who have won a Super Bowl.

Lurie isn’t even the first owner in the Division to receive an Oscar. According to Forbes, New York Giants’ owner Steve Tisch was a producer on the 1994 Best Picture winner, Forrest Gump. The difference here, of course, is that at the time, Tisch had no connection to the NFL. He didn’t join the Giants until 2005.

Tisch does own the distinction of being the only person ever to have won an Oscar and a Super Bowl ring… a list that Lurie desperately needs to add his name to.

It took Lurie 11 films over 17 years to reach the pinnacle of the movie world. For some reason he expects the same strategy to apply to the NFL. Until then, we can all eagerly await the sequel to his award-winning film:

Inside Job Too: The story of Lurie’s money-first/championships-never crimes against Eagles fans.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: The Devil Speaks, Puts Hoof In Mouth

February 17, 2011

Wow! Just… WOW!

Joe Banner The Devil continued his annual visit from the depths of Hell and boy, did he not disappoint… even taking calls from fans (though I’m sure screened) on 610 WIP with that weasel Burger King host of theirs(*). His rhetoric was the same as usual and, in typical Banner-fashion, he unleashed a sound bite that does nothing but insult the intelligence of Eagles fans.

(*)Full Disclosure: I LOATHE that rat-fink, phony, closet-Cowgirls fan Eskin. Even his beard couldn’t sway me…

Via Les Bowen’s recap of the interview on Philly.com (I’ll spare you having to listen to that infuriating piece of radio):

In perhaps his toughest rhetorical challenge, Banner tried to assert that the six-time Super Bowl champion Steelers, who have appeared in three of the last six Super Bowls and won two of them, really aren’t any more successful than the Eagles on balance, because they haven’t made the playoffs nine of the last 11 years, or been to five conference championship games in the last decade, the way the Eagles have.

What the fuck?!!?!

I still haven’t been able to peel my jaw off of the floor after reading that…. Read it again. Doesn’t it infuriate you? Doesn’t a statement like that give you the impression that Joe Banner The Devil thinks Eagles fans are morons? Guess what Joey, we weren’t born yesterday.

If anything, that statement proves a point I’ve been trying to make since Banner ascended from his role as “Cap Specialist” to a position of real power in the organization: This guy doesn’t know one thing about football. Not one.

The Billionaire was a casual football fan who happened to have enough money(**) to buy a football team and – rather than hire a real “football guy” – put his best friend, Banner, into a position to be making actual personnel decisions. It was one thing to negotiate contracts and manage the cap, but to actually be making football decisions? And even worse, The Devil spawned off his little Beelzebub-sidekick, Howie, who has even less experience, yet somehow more power than Banner did when he first started. This isn’t a Front Office… it’s an Alpha Epsilon Pi clubhouse.

(**)Though I’m saying that in the loosest of terms.

How can any reasonably intelligent person with at least some knowledge of football say that? It’s literally insane. Right?

Well, as I mentioned yesterday in Whisker Wednesday, you must read between the lines with The Devil, and between those lines (as usual with Banner) is money.

Via Forbes’ annual NFL Team Evaluations (as of August 2010): The Eagles are worth $1.119 Billion (7th overall). The Steelers are worth $996 Million (17th overall). The Eagles total revenue for the 2009 season was $260 Million (5th overall). The Steelers total revenue for the 2009 season was $243 Million (14th overall). The Eagles Operating Income (the money The Billionaire pocketed) for the 2009 season was $34.7 Million (13th). The Steelers Operating Income for the 2009 season was $17.9 Million (24th overall).

So, yes, by The Devil’s logic the Eagles are more successful than the Steelers. But, in the real world, where you and I – the people who live and die with every snap, who bleed Eagles green, who PAY MONEY (and sometimes more than they should) to support the team they love as much as family – live and have to take crap from other teams fans for the comments our inconsiderate team president made on a shitty sports talk radio show, Super Bowl wins matter. Not money. Just rings. And we still have none.

We just have The Gold Standard… 2.0!

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Posted by Chase Wexler