Walrus Droppings: Even On Off Days The Eagles Find Ways To Make Us Hate Them More

December 8, 2011

Vick’s Epiphany Is Too Little, Too Late
Yesterday, Michael Vick dropped a sound bite that was insanely infuriating.

The oft-injured Quarterback, who is coming back to the starting lineup after his latest ailment – and just in time… it’s not like we want the Eagles to lose the remaining four games or anything(*) – has finally come to a realization that he needs to better protect himself. By sliding. Welcome to 2010 Mike Vick!

(*)Sarcasm alert!

Look, we love the guy’s heart and toughness, and if you’re an avid reader of this site, you know we hold a special place for players who “leave it all out on the field.” But this is something that we, along with every Eagles fan and Philadelphia sports media member, have been screaming for him to do since he took over as the team’s leader. We specifically recall an interview Vick did with Mike Missanelli, where Mikey Miss pleaded for him to start sliding and Vick declared that he didn’t know how, nor did he want to. It wasn’t his style.

Apparently, breaking multiple ribs and missing multiple games is right up Vick’s alley.

Vick puts himself in harm’s way when he takes off down field. He rarely runs out of bounds, never, ever slides, and somehow absorbs more punishing hits than anyone else in the league – though Roethlisraper is certainly a close second. Vick is a warrior, we get that. But there comes a point where putting your health on the line can be detrimental to the team… and Vick passed that point last season.

Think about it this way: If Vick doesn’t get knocked out of the Falcons game in Week 2, do the Eagles lose? If Vick starts against the Patriots and Seahawks, are those games (embarrassing) losses? We don’t know the answers, but we do know that we like the team’s chances a whole lot more with Vick under center than Kafka or Young.

So while we’re glad that Vick has “learned” his lesson, we would have been much happier if he would have just come to that conclusion a year or two earlier. But, you know, a full 16 games of Vick clearly isn’t as important as a 4-8 record…(**)

(**)Did we mention that we hate this team?

Eagles Claim Another Meaningless “Championship”
If you’re an Eagles season ticket holder, or a sucker member of the official Philadelphia Eagles mailing list, then yesterday you received an email notifying you that the Eagles were named the 2011 Sport Team of the Year.

Now, if you’re like us, the first thought that popped into your brain when reading that was obviously: “What organization honors teams for being the best at being the most disappointing? Did the Razzies start handing out sports awards?” No, they didn’t.

The award was actually given to the Eagles by Beyond Sport, an organization “dedicated to using the power of sports to bring about social change around the world.”(***)

(***)And an organization who’s Web site is unreadable. Seriously guys… dark gray type on a dark maroon background?!

Why did the Eagles receive such a “high” honor? According to the Eagles’ letter:

What this award really does is recognize the many, many contributions of everyone in Eagles Nation to the success of these programs since 1994.

Yes, the Eagles have a superb recycling program. Yes, the Linc is vegetarian friendly. Yes, the Eagles are all about energy conservation, what with the wind turbines that will be installed on top of the Linc(****). Yes, the Eagles raise money for Breast Cancer Awareness and do their part to “Go Green.” It’s all very respectable.

(****)Wasn’t that supposed to happen by now? They weren’t bullshitting us, were they?

What’s not respectable? Shoving their accomplishment in our faces.

Is the letter – signed by The Billionaire, The Devil, The Walrus and, very curiously, The Billionaire’s wife (?!) – supposed to make us feel better? Is it supposed to make us forget about this pathetic excuse for a season? Are we supposed to talk about how good are football team is… at caring about others?

We’re all for Breast Cancer Awareness and being environmentally conscious and being good to others – you know, besides a particular Walrus – but the only environmental thing the Eagles have done all year is save paper by not handing out pink slips to the coaching staff!

Eagles’ management should get a clue. Save your self-serving announcements of non-football related accolades for the offseason. No need to make us even angrier than we are. Because, honestly, the second thought we had about this letter – after “Really?!” – was “shove it up your ass!”

But hey, maybe The Billionaire was right, the Eagles’ organization really is the gold standard… at everything OTHER THAN FOOTBALL.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Fredo Matthews Doesn’t Understand (That He Is An Idiot)

December 6, 2011

Sure, this NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS is certainly not-so breaking, as this episode in “The Year of Disappointments” happened more than a week ago. But it’s something we’ve been meaning to address.

Eagles’ fourth-round pick bust Casey Fredo Matthews criticized Eagles fans. Seriously! A guy who was benched and can’t even make it back onto the field is talking shit about fans. You know, because we needed another reason to hate the 2011 Philadelphia Eagles…

We direct you to this piece by Philadelphia Sports Daily’s Tim McManus. To sum it up: Fredo is upset with the way Eagles fans react to wins and losses, as well as the pressure Eagles fans “put on him” this year. Also, he blames the lack of OTAs, a shortened training camp and the fact that The Walrus prematurely inserted into the starting lineup for his miserable play. Basically, Fredo Matthews is a huge asshole who refuses to believe he’s done anything wrong.

Here’s an excerpt from McManus’ interview with the black sheep of the Matthews family:

McManus: Was the benching a relief?

Fredo: It almost kind of was. Obviously you want to play as much as possible, but once I was taken out it seemed like all of the heat got taken off me and put on someone else. That’s just how it is in this town. It was a slight relief, then again I also wanted to play. That was the tough part.

McManus: Now that he has taken a step back, have you come to terms with the fans?

Fredo: Have I come to terms?

McManus: Do you understand them?

Fredo: No. I don’t think anyone will ever understand these fans. When we win they love you but when we lose it gets rough. That’s just how it is here. It’s like that in some other places, but not to this extent. Hey, just win and keep them happy.

McManus: So you’re not exactly feeling warm and fuzzy towards Eagles nation…

Fredo: Some of them but not running off the field after a loss — not those fans. They think they know me.

First off… Fuck you, Fredo!

Secondly, you’re right… we don’t understand you. You were a beast in college, you come from a long line of football Gods, yet you’re a complete waste of a roster spot in the NFL. We don’t understand how awful you are, that you went from starting Middle Linebacker to NOT PLAYING ONE DOWN… on a terrible Defense no less!

We don’t understand how you only have 14 total tackles ALL SEASON! In four years at Oregon, you accumulated 245 tackles, 30.5 of them for losses, 9 sacks, 4 interceptions and 1 forced fumble. In 12 games with the Eagles, you’ve proved that you can’t play at the NFL level.

We don’t understand how a player who calls taking the field as a rookie starter from day one “a dream come true,” turns around and blames his poor play on “the pressure from the fans.” We don’t understand why Reid and Castillo thought you could play right away – Was it your lineage? Your performance in college? Your hair? – but they did. That’s not our fault. If you prove in practice that you deserve to be on the field then guess what, we expect a certain level of play out of you.

You know why the blame went from you to someone else once you were benched? Because your replacement(s) suck too. But they’re still better than you are, Fredo. At least they’re still getting playing time!

That’s another thing we don’t understand… Not only were you benched from the Defense, but you haven’t even made a cameo on Special Teams! You know what that means? You REALLY suck. You can’t tackle worth shit. Do you understand that?

You also mention that you don’t think any players understand us Eagles fans? Well you and Desean must be really good friends, because the players who DO GET us, don’t ever quit. They don’t talk down to fans or bash us in the media. They don’t blame us for their horrendous plat on the field. They play their hearts out and leave EVERYTHING on the field. They don’t whine like little bitches. They don’t take out their personal frustrations on the fans. They have character. Something you clearly don’t understand.

And why are Eagles fans more vocal after wins and losses than other cities? Because we are undyingly loyal and so passionate about our football team that we live and die with every play. Welcome to the East Coast, Fredo.

We’ve never, in all our years of watching football, seen a Linebacker get taken out of plays by blockers the way you did. We’ve never seen a Linebacker with ZERO discernable skills. You can’t play the run, you can’t play in coverage, you can’t blitz, you can’t tackle. All you can do is suck, warm the bench and talk shit about the fans…. Fans, who by the way, were thrilled to have you join the team and see you start at MLB from the get-go. Apparently, like The Walrus, we were blinded by your family name.

You deserve the nickname Fredo. You deserve the label of bust and black sheep. You deserve the scorn and hatred we feel for you now. You deserve to be run out of town the way previous fan-bashing athletes have(*). You deserve to rot on the bench.

(*)We suggest you find Scott Rolen’s phone number, ASAP.

You’re right, Fredo… win and we’ll love you. But even if you lose, we will love you and be loyal to you if you play hard, play smart, play with heart and keep your mouth shut. Just ask Shady.

Problem is, you’re just not capable of any of those things.

Hopefully that’s something you can understand.


Recommended Reading: Bill Barnwell Post-Mortems The 2011 Eagles

December 2, 2011

If you’re not ready Grantland.com, ESPN and Bill Simmons’(*) premiere sports and pop culture journalism site, you’re doing yourself a disservice. It is home to really phenomenal writing and reporting, analysis and humor.

(*)No matter how you may feel about Simmons… or ESPN.

More important, as it pertains to Fire The Walrus, is Grantland’s NFL writer Bill Barnwell – one of the absolute best football writers/analysts on the interwebs. We cannot recommend his writing more, as his (almost) daily pieces have become required reading for us. He is truly doing unbelievable things with football writing and, when it comes to in-depth statistical analysis, there might not be a better scribe out there. Read him and read him often (particularly his Monday breakdown of the previous week’s action and his Tuesday feature, The Fabulous and The Flops).

Our recommendation of Barnwell goes doubly today, as he post-mortems the 2011 Philadelphia Eagles season with spectacular detail in his article, “A Requiem for The Dream Team From Philly.” He pinpoints the Eagles failures with tremendous accuracy and delves into the reasons why certain aspects of the team failed – the O-Line, the D-Line, the LBs, the Safeties, etc. – with such precision that you would think he spends each day with the team.

Well he doesn’t. And his perspective as an outside, non-objective observer is fantastic. Not to take away anything from local greats like Les Bowen, Reuben Frank, Bob Brookover, Sheil Kapadia, etc., but maybe spending so much time with a team can blind people to certain things.

Though we don’t agree with everything Barnwell says – you’ll note that we wholeheartedly disagree with his fifth point – his take on our team is a must read for all Eagles fans. Will it make you any less mad? Definitely not. But it lends even more credence to why The Walrus must be set to sea.

Barnwell is a great young football mind… and even though we’re remise to ever compare anyone to Ray Didinger – much like the Shady-Barry comparison – he seems poised to eventually become a football encyclopedia in the mold of R. Diddy.

Start reading Barnwell now… thank us later.


The Day After: The Rest Of The League Calls The Eagles “All In” Bluff

December 2, 2011

We shouldn’t be this mad this morning. We expected the Eagles to lose in Seattle… what with the short week, cross-country trip and no talent.

But what we witnessed last night was demoralizing/embarrassing/comical/heart-wrenching. The 2011 Philadelphia Eagles did the one thing that we find more deplorable than sticking up for Andy Reid: they quit. Quit on their coach (finally), quit on themselves and, worst of all, quit on their city.

It’s one thing to be bad. It’s an entirely different thing to be bad and have no heart.

So THIS is what it’s like to be a Coughlin-era Giants fan!(*)

(*)And even they got a fucking Super Bowl win out of it…

We don’t know about you out there in Fire The Walrus-nation, but we are mortified to be Eagles fans this morning. It hurts to have the team you live and die for show zero heart and desire on national television(**). It’s painful to have the team that means more to you than family quit against a team led by Tarvaris Jackson and Pete Cheat Carroll. It’s stupid to care this much, we know… but we do.

(**)Though we’re pretty positive that the only people watching that awful “game” were Eagles fans, Seahawks fans and degenerate gamblers.

We’ve never hated an Eagles team, but this year’s vintage has seriously put us over the edge. The Eagles are like a sibling… sure they do stuff that annoys us and from time to time (like the 2009 season) they do things that make us really angry and frustrated with them. But we never HATED them. The 2011 Eagles are the equivalent of your sibling raping/murdering your spouse. We hate them. We don’t care if they don’t make it back from Seattle.

Can you tell how angry we are today?

In all seriousness though, this HAS to be the end of the line for The Walrus. No matter how we’ve felt about Andy, the one thing we’ve always defended him on was the fact that his players never quit on him. No matter how ugly and tumultuous things got for his teams, they never stop playing for him. Well guess what… that’s over with! The tipping point has come. His players no longer care to kill themselves for him. And that is the straw that will finally break The Walrus’ back.

The Billionaire and The Devil and Howie – who all deserve an equal amount of scorn and pink slips(***) – have no excuse for not firing Reid. It’s over. His reign of terror is done. There is no coming back from this.

(***)If only someone had the power to shitcan the owner…

We have many more thoughts/concerns/comments regarding last night and the state of the team in general – things like: Desean Jackson is a bitch. Vince Young is a third-stringer at best. Jim Johnson could coach better from his grave than Juan Castillo does from the sideline – but we need to collect our thoughts and cool off.

Unlike The Walrus’ tenure, this isn’t over. More later.


Walrus Droppings: Taking Umbrage With PFT’s Reid Assessment

November 30, 2011

If you’re like us – and we like to think you are – you’re likely a daily reader of the tremendous work of ProFootballTalk.com, a site/source we reference quite often.

Today though, the face of PFT, Mike Florio, wrote a piece titled “Signs Point, For Now, To Reid Staying Put.”

While we’re far from surprised by the title and angle of the piece – we don’t realistically see The Walrus being fired after this season – we do take umbrage with some of the points Florio makes… even though they are credible. Here’s an excerpt:

The fact remains that Reid is a very good coach. He has proven to be one of the best quarterbacks coaches in league history, as evidenced by the reality that quarterbacks play better with Reid than they do with anyone else. From Mike Vick to Kevin Kolb to Donovan McNabb to Vince Young (with limited time in the system) to A.J. Feeley to Jeff Garcia to Koy Detmer to Mike McMahon, Reid has shown on a consistent basis that he can coach up quarterbacks. Since quarterback remains the most important position on the field, that ability should not be underestimated.

Then there’s the fact that Reid would quickly find himself on the wish list for pretty much any team that fires its coach. As Howard Eskin of NBC 10 and WIP radio pointed out on Monday’s PFT Live, Reid could be a perfect fit for the Chargers and quarterback Philip Rivers. If the Vikings, who once hired Reid’s right-hand man, decide to move on from Leslie Frazier in an effort to get a new stadium built, why not give the keys to Reid?

Then there are the Redskins, who may be more inclined to move on from Mike Shanahan if the man who has beaten the Redskins 16 of 25 times since Dan Snyder bought the team becomes available.

Regardless, someone will want to hire Reid. And the fear that he could go somewhere else and finish the job he started in Philly could be the factor that prompts owner Jeffrey Lurie to let Reid keep trying to finish the job where he started it.

Nobody – even us here at Fire The Walrus – would ever deny that Reid is a good coach – possibly the best in franchise history – and a savant when it comes to coaching up QBs.(*)

(*)This is not blasphemy, we promise. These are simply facts, regardless of how you feel about The Walrus.

With that being said, here is the part of the story that Florio, as an unbiased observer, totally misses…

We are more than ready to let him try to finish the job somewhere else and have someone different come in here to try to finish the job he started. There just simply comes a time when a coach – whether good, bad or otherwise – wears out his welcome, and that time came for Reid at least three years ago (and likely way before that). Andy Reid, no matter how good of a coach he may actually be, is not the end-all-be-all of Head Coaches. The Billionaire pulled him out of complete obscurity (remember, he was the Packers’ Quarterbacks Coach and never even held the position of Offensive Coordinator), so who’s to say it couldn’t happen again.(**)

(**)Though, in a perfect world, The Billionaire would sell the franchise and take his money-driven desires back to Hollywood where he belongs began. But alas, we do not live in such a world.

Eagles fans simply need a change… from the top down. We’ve watched what Andy’s capable of for 13+ years, and though we would never say he CAN’T win a Super Bowl, we’ve long ago run out of faith that it will happen in our city.

We’ve said it before and we’ll keep repeating it: The Colts needed a change at coach to get over the hump. So did the Bucs with Dungy, and we’d say he’s a pretty damn good coach (who also finished the job elsewhere). Thirteen years of the same abysmal playcalling, horrendous clock mangement and arrogant press conferences is more than enough. It’s time to make a change.

If Andy wins a ring somewhere else, so be it. Will we be pissed/annoyed/suicidal? Probably. But It’s just not gonna happen here, so he may as well take his “talents” elsewhere.

And as for his work with the Quarterback position… it really is a testament to what Andy Reid truly is: a Quarterbacks coach. Maybe a good Offensive Coordinator. What he’s not is someone who deserves to run the whole show… unless he has a Defensive Coordinator as talented as Jim Johnson was – you know, the real reason the Andy Reid-Eagles sustained success for so long.

So Fire The Walrus… no matter how well he coaches QBs or how likely it is for him to win else where. We just want to be done with him.


Music To Our Ears

November 28, 2011

Words can’t describe how much we love this…

Thank you for the early Christmas present Eagles fans!


The Day After: The Linc Embraces Our Long-Running Rallying Cry

November 28, 2011

Before we get into the abysmal excuse for a football game that occurred yesterday, we just want to make one thing clear to the local and national media who are just catching on to the whole “Eagles fans are sick and tired of Andy Reid” thing… Eagles’ fans don’t want Andy fired for this season alone. It’s the culmination of the last 13+ years and no Super Bowl that has gotten us to this point of boiling-over frustration.

Sure, this year has been the tipping point for many fans – particularly the group that wanted to see what The Walrus could accomplish with all that “talent” on the field. But the media needs to look past the “all in” sentiment and total disappointment that is the 2011 Philadelphia Eagles, and realize that the “Fire Andy” chants have been a long time coming. He has had season after season after season to put this team over the top and win a Super Bowl, yet continuously fails to do so. We’ve seen great Defenses, dynamic record-setting Offenses, elite playmakers and Hall of Fame-caliber talent… yet no Lombardi trophy. And that’s why his franchise-best record, franchise-best winning percentage and franchise-best playoff victories no longer hold water.

Take PFT proprietor Mike Florio’s Monday 10-Pack for example:

“Fire Andy,” and then what?
With the 4-7 Eagles needing to run the table and hope for plenty of help, what happens if (when) they fail to qualify for the postseason? The home crowd has begun chanting “Fire Andy!,” an indignity that hasn’t been loudly foisted upon anyone in the NFL since Matt Millen left Detroit for good. Given that the Eagles went “all in” for 2011, with president Joe Banner telling PFT Live that the line between success and failure resides at winning the Super Bowl, common sense suggests that failing to succeed means walking away from the table, not getting another stack of chips with which to go “all in” again.

So what happens if Reid gets fired? Does owner Jeffrey Lurie believe he can find someone as good, and hopefully better, than Reid?

Then there’s the issue of the front office. With Reid supposedly still in charge, Banner and G.M. Howie Roseman could be vulnerable if Lurie tries to hire someone like Bill Cowher, who would want to have the same power that Reid has enjoyed, along with the ability to hire a new set of lieutenants.

It becomes a complex and risky exercise for Lurie, making the status quo safer, and thus more likely. Even though things haven’t gotten better under Reid lately, they could get a lot worse.

Andy Reid may be the best coach in Eagles history, but that doesn’t mean anything to Eagles’ fans anymore. For all his winning and all his records, he will never have a statue built in his likeness. No streets will be named “Andy Reid Way.” The Linc will never be known as “The House That Reid Built.” And that says a lot.

Did the national media bash Tampa Bay fans when they knew Tony Dungy wasn’t the one to lead them to the pinnacle? Or Colts fans who couldn’t wait to see Jim Mora run out of town? Was there national scorn for the Titans fans that wanted Jeff Fisher ousted? No. Those coaches took the heat for their team’s losing ways. So why should Andy get a free pass?

Florio, and the rest of the football world, needs to realize that Eagles fans respect what Andy Reid has done for us – taking a miserable, directionless franchise and restoring them to great heights – but are tired of watching the team hit the same postseason wall year after year. Maybe there isn’t a better coach out there. Maybe the Eagles do regress without Reid at the helm. But we want to find out. He is not the end-all, be-all of coaches. We want to see someone new waddle stalk the sidelines. We need a change in philosophy. We need a change in direction. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s what needs to be done.

Nobody – even us here at Fire The Walrus – can discredit what Andy Reid has done for this franchise. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t worn out his welcome. Multiple times.

Yesterday’s debacle against the Patriots provided a perfect example of why it’s time to move on.

With his starting Quarterback out, and the weak-armed Vince Young in, Andy decided to design a game plan that primarily featured deep passes?! Sure, the Pats’ secondary is a total mess and the Eagles were able to attack them, but Young can’t throw the deep ball unless the wind is helping him out. Every single deep pass – whether caught or not – was underthrown. On the third play from scrimmage Riley Cooper caught a 58-yard pass from Young, but had to slow his route to catch it, allowing Kyle Arrington to keep up with him and stop a sure touchdown. Desean caught a deep ball over the middle that, if thrown correctly, would have led him into the end zone. Instead the team inevitably settled for a field goal when the drive stalled.

Young may have amassed 400 yards in the air, but could only muster one touchdown. (Of course Desean didn’t do him any favors, but more on that soon.) Sure, the Pats’ secondary is suspect and vulnerable, but why does that constitute giving Lesean McCoy – one of the best Running Backs in all of football and, by far, the Eagles’ best Offensive weapon – a total of 14 touches. Total. All game.

Especially egregious was the lack of touches for Shady inside the 10-yard line. With 1st and 5 from the Patriot’s 5-yard line, the Eagles Offense ran the following sequence of plays:
1st down: Shotgun, Young sacked for no gain.
2nd down: Young drops back, scrambles out of bounds for a 1-yard gain.
3rd down: Shotgun, Young’s pass incomplete (ball hits Desean in the hands).
4th down: Field goal.

And with 2nd and 8 from the Patriot’s 9-yard line:
2nd and 8: Shotgun, Young drops back, scrambles for 7 yards.
3rd and 1: McCoy run, no gain.
4th and 1: Incomplete pass to Celek in the end zone… except Celek was out of bounds anyway.

Seven plays inside the Patriot’s 10-yard line. One called running play. Great job guys! No wonder Jim Washburn wanted to beat the living crap out of Mornhinweg.

In what universe did that game plan make sense?

And let’s not forget about the typically insane use of timeouts! The first of which came just six and a half minutes into the game, with the Eagles facing 3rd and 10 from the Patriot’s 25. The Eagles lined up with plenty of time on the play clock, but didn’t like what they saw, so Young called for a TO. And they came back to the line in the EXACT SAME PLAY! The second timeout came just five minutes later, with the Eagles on Defense and the Patriots looking at 3rd and 1, and threatening to score. The Eagles were seconds away from being called for too many men on the field (again), and burned their second TO… only to jump off-sides coming out of the timeout, giving NE a first down and eventually a touchdown. For those scoring at home, that’s two timeouts in the first 13 minutes of play.

Most maddening, and possibly telling, of all is the play of Desean Jackson. Three separate times Young hit him in the hands with the ball for what would have been a touchdown, and all three times Jackson alligator-armed the ball. It was simply Pinkston-esque.

Desean has never been one to shy away from contact, but obviously this team and this coach aren’t worth risking his body over. He may be worried about his contract and his health, but that is no excuse to completely give up. Clearly, he is not happy with The Walrus, and went out of his way to show it. No player has ever quit on Andy the way Desean has, and though that may be a testament to his personality, it’s also a telltale sign that Reid is slowly losing the locker room(*).

(*)Read Derrick Gunn’s piece on the Washburn-Mornhinweg argument, which sheds some light on the divide in the locker room, the lack of leadership and the complete implosion of this team as a whole.

But poor execution and poorer game planning aside, the real story from yesterday’s loss was the “Fire Andy” chants that rained down on this pathetic group of players and coaches, and continued all the way into the parking lot and subway. This wasn’t the first time there have been anti-Reid rumblings at the Linc, but it was the first time in his overstayed tenure that the home fans totally and collectively turned on him so vehemently.

Eagles’ fans are pissed off. Eagles’ fans are frustrated. Eagles’ fans have seen enough. The time has come for the team to hear our cries of anger. Those “Fire Andy” chants will only continue to grow louder and more frequent and more in unison.

And that’s a win in our books.

We just hope Lurie can take a break from counting his money to pay attention.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Let The Chants Rain Down

November 27, 2011

Well, it’s officially official… the Eagles suck. Who would have ever thought that this year’s vintage would end up 4-7?

We’ll have a full post mortem tomorrow, but just wanted to thank/congratulate/express total pleasure with the fans at the Linc tonight for joining in the “Fire Andy” chants! (Read an unbiased opinion of the chanting at PFT.) We even got a “Fire The Walrus” chant brewing in the escalator tunnel after the game!(*)

(*)And by “after the game,” we mean in the third quarter…

Good times!

At this point we can’t even remember what home-field advantage means.

More tomorrow.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Vick’s Yes-So Breaking Ribs

November 14, 2011

Bring on the excuses!

According to multiple every news source, Vick’s ribs were broken on the second play of yesterday’s debacle game. He didn’t tell the coaching staff. Way to add injury to insult!

Look, Michael, we know you’re a warrior and are super competitive and everything, but seriously… if you knew your ribs were badly hurt (let alone broken) after the second play of the game, why wouldn’t you tell someone? It’s okay to take yourself out of the game, considering the Offense couldn’t have played much worse than it did with you(*).

(*)And yes, we too cringe at the thought of Vince Young…

Frankly, rib injury or not, that was the single worst game of Vick’s Eagle-career and any excuse, whether legitimate or not, is bullshit. No one wants to hear it. We’re embarrassed enough as it is as a collective fan base… we don’t need this sorry excuse for a team giving opposing fans even more ammunition.

At this point – and we can’t believe we’re saying this – we welcome Vick’s injury. Of course we don’t wish him actual pain(**), but an un healthy-Vick/Vince Young combo will certainly ensure more losing. And this team needs to lose as much as it can(***).

(**)Please note: This is not an invitation to elicit the dog fighting argument.

(***)Get ready for a four-game win streak and an 8-8 finish!

Also, King Dunlap suffered a concussion, yet no coaches knew about it until after the game. You know, ‘cause concussions aren’t a hot topic right now or anything.

Way to coach Andy… guess you need to “do a better job of that.”

To add even further insult (to our intelligence), read ESPN’s (formerly-Philadelphia Inquirer’s) Ashley Fox’s take on whether a losing season guarantees The Walrus’ ouster(****). Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Primarily due to Jeffrey Lurie’s propensity to go against the fan base’s wishes. Thanks Billionaire!

(****)And note that we’ve been saying the same thing. Unfortunately, 3-13 doesn’t guarantee Reid’s gone.


The Day After: That’s All Folks

November 14, 2011

It’s time to petition the NFL and ask that they formally change the name of the Lombardi trophy to something more accurate, like: the Silver-Thing-That-Philadelphia-Will-Never-Possess trophy.

Yesterday’s Eagles game(*) was one of the most pathetic showings for our football team in a long time. And they’ve played some really bad games recently…

(*)If it can even be called that…

Michael Vick looked like the Michael Vick who once took snaps for the Atlanta Falcons. You know, the same Michael Vick who didn’t care enough to practice hard, stay awake in team meetings or follow socially-acceptable moral guidelines. Maybe it was the absence of his sole deep threat or the fact that the Eagles should have beaten the Cardinals handily, but for some reason, Vick decided that yesterday would be a good time to pull out his Donovan McNabb impersonation. Poor decisions, poorer throws, bad demeanor and body language… It was like number five never left!

And speaking of Desean’s healthy scratch… we cannot/will not, kill Reid for benching Jackson for missing a meeting. No matter what the reason was for his absence from a team meeting – whether for Special Teams or not – Desean deserved to be punished. If there’s one thing that we can respect The Walrus for, it’s not giving preferential treatment and not being afraid to discipline his star players. That’s part of the reason why his players don’t quit on him (though that may now be debatable).

John Miller, of Philadelphia Sports Daily, pontificates that we are entering the end of the Desean Jackson-era in Eagles history, but we see it differently. Would Desean have been the difference yesterday? Probably not. The Offense was putrid, Vick was the worst he’s been as an Eagle and Andy’s play-calling (which we’ll get to shortly) was planned as poorly as Penn State’s crisis management. But removing Jackson from the field totally warps the complexion of the Eagles’ Offense.

He may not be the best receiver, but the threat of Jackson getting behind the Defense is enough to keep the secondary on its heels. Without that dimension on the field, the Cardinals D was able to frustrate the receivers with bump and run coverage, while their Defense Line was able to pin their ears back and attack the backfield all day(**). If yesterday proved anything, it’s that the Eagles Offense desperately needs Desean Jackson in the lineup. He is a difference maker, even if he’s just playing decoy. Yesterday was understandable, but also proved how integral he is to this team. Pay the man!

(**)Have you ever heard of Daryl Washington before? He was certainly anonymous to us up until yesterday. Now, Eagles fans and Michael Vick will not soon forget his name.

Even worse than the Offense’s lack of execution/preparedness/caring, was the game plan that Andy devised for this game. How does Lesean McCoy – possibly the best Running Back in all of football – only get fourteen carries?! Not in a half… the WHOLE game! On top of that, in the last two games – both losses with leads blown in the fourth quarter – Shady has FOUR fourth quarter carries. Out of 33 Offensive plays! Did we mention that he LEADS THE NFL in yards per carry, yards per game AND touchdowns?! Is Andy TRYING to get himself fired?

UGH!

And we haven’t even mentioned the Defense yet…(***)

(***)Actually, besides the secondary allowing Red John Skelton to make a mockery of them, the front seven played pretty well. Even Castillo had an alright game… Somebody must have finally told him that Defenses are allowed to blitz!

Of course, the most disturbing trend to come out of yesterday’s loss is the Eagles’ unprecedented, history-altering ability to lose games they’re leading in the fourth quarter. Courtesy of CSN Philly’s Reuben Frank(****): The Eagles were outscored 14-3 in the fourth quarter, and they’ve been outscored 74-27 in the final quarter this year. Also, the Eagles are the only team in NFL history to blow FIVE fourth quarter leads in first nine games. The 1954 Packers, 1984 Browns, 1999 Saints each did it four times.

(****)And we urge you to read his take on “Michael Pick.” We sure hope The Devil put a “Psych, just kidding” clause in Vick’s $100 million contract?

Even worse… the Eagles are now 1-7 in their last eight home games. One win, seven losses. At home. Where we cheer for them. Where we blow out our voice box every week for them. Where we spend ungodly amounts of money to support them. Where we live and die on every play for them.

So much for home field advantage. So much for the “Dream Team.” So much for the 2011 Philadelphia Eagles season! We’re not even halfway through November.

As hard as it is for us to want the Eagles to lose, that’s the only hope we have for the rest of the year. The more they lose, the better the draft pick, the better the chance of someone other than The Walrus making it. Failure is our only hope.

Welcome to rock bottom.