NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: The Walrus Goes ‘All In’

July 30, 2011

What can be said for what went down at 6 p.m. EST on July 29, 2011?

The day started with a post on this very site, praising(?!) Andy Reid for taking a low-risk, high-reward chance on Vince Young, back-up Quarterback. The day ended with The Walrus, The Devil and The Billionaire pushing all of their chips in the middle of the table and calling “all in” on the 2011 NFL season.

And boy, are we impressed.

A secondary including Asante Samuel, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Nnamdi Asomugha(*) immediately hides many of the Eagles defensive problems. They can go into the season with Jamar Chaney, Casey Matthews and Moises Fokou as the starting Linebackers(**). They can get away with a rotation of Trent Cole, Jason Babin, Juqua Parker, a less-than-100% Brandon Graham, and the Tapp-Sapp-Hunt pu pu platter at DE. They can have a lifelong Offensive Line Coach takeover the reins of the Defense. They still need another DT – sorry Bunkley – and another Safety to add to the mix, but, wow… just wow.

(*)Just writing that brings a tear to my eye…

(**)Though, hopefully, they will wise up and add at least ONE legitimate veteran to the LB corps.

People are calling this a stunning move, but to Andy’s credit, it’s not unprecedented. He has a knack for going after the top-flight free agents and acquiring his targets. Jon Runyan, Jevon Kearse, Asante, (almost LeCharles Bentley). And now the prize of the 2011 free agent class, Asomugha.

Additionally, this isn’t the first time Andy has pieced together a defensive backfield that can strike fear into the hearts of opposing Offenses. Following the NFC Championship game loss to the Rams in 2001 – which saw the Rams’ “Greatest Show on Turf” Offense and subsequent 4 and 5-receiver sets pick apart the Eagles secondary – the team drafted Lito Sheppard, Sheldon Brown and Michael Lewis in the first two rounds of the draft and added free agent Strong Safety Blaine Bishop to an already stellar cast of Brian Dawkins, Troy Vincent, Bobby Taylor and Al Harris. Bishop didn’t pan out, but the Eagles secondary propelled the Defense to the number two ranking that season.

The team’s secondary was horrendous in 2010 – giving up a franchise record 31 passing touchdowns in the regular season – and, after moving away from it for a few years, the NFL is once again dominated by Offenses running 4 and 5-Wide Receiver sets. Assuming no one is traded, the Eagles are going into the season with Asomugha and Asante – the NFL’s best cover corner and best ballhawking corner – as the starters, with Pro Bowler Rodgers-Cromartie and borederline-starter Joselio Hanson as the nickle and dime corners. Wow.

Two days in a row of praising Andy Reid is painful… but you can’t deny that he is going all out for this season. And we love it!

We’ve been screaming for the Birds to go all in for a Super Bowl run every offseason since 2004 (the last time they truly went for it). Well, they finally answered the call.

Fire The Walrus? Not today(***).

(***)But we’ll see what happens come gamedays.


Vince Young Makes Us Praise The Walrus, Hate Ourselves

July 29, 2011

Brace yourselves… We’re about to give kudos to Andy Reid(*).

(*)Not a typo.

Signing Vince Young as the back-up Quarterback would be an absolute coup for the Eagles.

Let’s preface what’s about to transpire by noting that Vince Young is a head-case. To what extent, we’re not exactly sure. But we can’t overlook what went down in 2008, when the words “Vince Young” “Depression” “Guns” and “Suicidal” starting appearing together in headlines all across the interwebs.

 With that being said, bringing him in as a back-up to Vick could be a genius move on Reid’s part. Look at the facts:

After his phenomenal performance in the BCS Championship Game against USC propelled him to superstardom, Young was drafted third overall by Tennessee with the expectation that he would immediately step in and be a game-changing franchise quarterback. Young failed to reach his potential as the face of the Titans, habitually losing his starting job to Kerry Collins.

In the 47 games Young has played as a starter, he has posted a rather decent career record of 30-17. The guy seems to possess that gene where, no matter how poorly he may be on a given day he can still find a way to win football games. He’s an athletic freak. He can make plays with his arm or his legs. And he’s a winner(**).

(**)Assuming he has his head on straight. But there is incontrovertible evidence to the fact

Bringing him in unceremoniously, with him fully embracing his role as understudy to Vick, removes the weight of being “the franchise” off of his shoulders. There is no pressure for him to step in and succeed immediately. Instead, he’ll get a free ride to the Andy Reid School of Mobile Quarterbacking where he’ll be tutored by Dean of Explosiveness, Mike Vick.

And when Vick has his obligatory two-to-three-game mid-season injury, Young can be trusted to step up and keep the team moving forward. If anything it’s a lateral move from Kolb to Young… a guy who may not be a superstar, but can fill in when needed and not fall flat on his face. What else could you ask for from your back-up Quarterback?

 For all the Walrus bashing we do, it is undeniable that Andy Reid knows how to get the most out of his Quarterbacks. It’s easily his single greatest coaching trait(***), and the potential that Vince Young has should have Andy drooling(****). At 6’5”, 230 lbs. and only 28 years old, Young can still be molded into the dynamic offensive player he was supposed to be. He’s finally in the right flippers hands.

(***)And the reason he would make a great Offensive Coordinator… not Head Coach. But I digress.

(****)You know, as opposed to his red meat-induced drooling.

The Vince Young-era for the Eagles can go one of three ways: 

  • He’s simply a one-year back-up who gets minimal playing time and leaves following the season.
  • He makes a few spot starts, shows he can be a starter in the NFL and signs a deal as a starter somewhere else next season.
  • He makes a few spot starts, shows he can be a starter in the NFL and is re-upped by the Eagles.

Let’s say he starts three games this year and does well, going 2-1 with a few spectacular plays. Does Vince Young become Mike Vick 2.0… wherein the Eagles try to keep him in the hopes of flipping him to a Quarterback-less team for a second-round pick(*****) or as their QB going forward?

(*****)Quick tangent: Not to seem like we’re drinking the Walrus’ Kool-Aid, but how remarkable is it that he keeps getting second-rounders for cast-off Quarterbacks?! A second from Miami for A.J. Feeley, who traded him one year later for a fifth-round pick. Traded Donny Drama to the Redskins for a second, one year later, they trade him for a sixth-rounder. Now a second AND DRC for Kolb?! Reid doesn’t do many things well, but he is a master of coaching and trading Quarterbacks.

Acquiring Vince Young potentially sets the Eagles up for another Quarterback impasse a year from now. In the past two years, Andy had to choose between Donny Drama and Kolb, then Kolb and Vick… each time buying himself a little more time in Philly by anointing a new franchise Quarterback to start fresh with. Is it possible that Reid’s setting up a situation where the team can let Vick walk away next offseason and have Young take the reins? That remains to be seen.

Either way, Vince Young keeps Andy Reid’s tradition of possessing the best Quarterback-tandem in the NFL alive. And more importantly, it puts an end, once and for all, to any rumors involving that guy from There’s Something About Mary!

Now back to your regularly scheduled Fire The Walrus-ing…


Aaaaaand We’re Back… For Real This Time!

July 28, 2011

Yes, it’s true. Much like the NFL, we here at Fire The Walrus have finally come to terms on how to divvy up $9+ billion and can now get back to what we do best… Blaming Andy Reid for all of life’s problems not making moves in free agency not winning a Super Bowl.

So, aside from the ludicrousness that was the NFL hiatus, here’s a quick recap of what has happened in Eagles-land since we last left off:

Kevin Kolb: Still an Eagle (at least for the time being). The rampant rumors of “Kolb to Arizona for Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and a potential draft pick” have not slowed down one iota – even though the Eagles seemingly have zero trade partners outside of the Cardinals – and the swap appears to be a foregone conclusion… even to the point that the Eagles online store shot their load early, by prematurely making Rodgers-Cromartie jerseys available until someone realized the faux pas.

At this point, the trade just needs to go through and we all need to just move on from the whole Kevin Kolb-era, because when you look back on it, Kolb’s time in Philly was just one long disastrous clusterfuck… He was drafted too high to NOT be considered the heir to McNabb’s quarterback throne, which caused nothing but issues with Donny Drama (see: benching in Baltimore). Then he stepped in for the injured McNabb and threw for 300+ yards in two consecutive games (though this may have been more of an aberration), causing a quarterback controversy. Then, after Five was finally shipped out of here and Kolb was anointed the face of the franchise, he stumbled out of the gate and Vick happened.

So here we are, exactly one year to the day of everyone in Philadelphia – save for a small fiefdom of Eagles fans who wanted to see Vick get a chance – fully prepared to witness the Kevin Kolb-era Eagles. Exactly one year later, is there one person in this city who wants to KEEP Kolb? It’s bizarre how much difference a year makes.

Maybe there is something in keeping two starting QBs, as pointed out by Michael Weinreb at Grantland.com. Hell, we all know that Vick is likely to miss at least two or three games during the season, and it would be nice to have someone capable step in and help the team win, rather than simply tread water… but is Kolb even that guy? Is there any difference between Kolb starting those two games or, say, Vince Young? Or even Billy Volek?(*)

(*)But definitely NOT Brett Favre.

If Kolb’s not sticking around to be the Eagles’ “QB of the future,” trade him immediately and move on.

The First Line of Defense: The Eagles Defensive Line is a work-in-progress, to say the least. Trent Cole and Mike Patterson are the only definite starters, with Antonio Dixon more than likely taking the starting role away from the lackluster Broderick Bunkley. This morning, the team signed Jason Babin to bookend Cole. Though he was a disappointment his first go-around with the Birds two years ago, Jim Washburn got 12.5 sacks and a Pro Bowl appearance out of Babin last year in Tennessee. Babin clearly wanted to play for Washburn – which is highly encouraging – and the Eagles signed him to a pretty fair deal, when everyone assumed he’d be getting major money. Five years and $30 million with only $5 to 6 million guaranteed? Not too bad. Especially when five-year deals in the NFL typically translate to two-year deals in reality.

But the team still needs some depth at Defensive End and Tackle. Do we really trust the outside rush combination of Daryl Tapp, Ricky Sapp and Victor Abiamiri? Is Andy still convinced that Daniel Te’o-Nesheim can be converted into a down lineman or hybrid pass rusher? If the Eagles are really “all in,” shouldn’t they be going after another DE, like Titan’s free agent Jacob Ford (15.5 sacks in three years as a rotation guy) or Seahawk’s free agent DT, Brandon Mebane (a prototypical run-stuffing, 4-3 defensive tackle)?

And The Rest Of The Defense: Sign a Linebacker, any Linebacker. Just get some warm bodies in that group. I’m psyched about Jamar Chaney’s potential in the middle and the prospect of Casey Matthews too, but it seems that, once again, the team is undervaluing the Linebacker position. Who knows? Maybe last year’s fourth round pick Keenan Clayton turns into a player. Maybe Moise Fokou continues to progress. But wouldn’t it make some sense to add a veteran to the LB corps? Fokou is the elder statesman of the group and he’s only going into his third season!

The same can be said for the secondary. Sure the team is set to bring in Rodgers-Cromartie, but what about Strong Safety? Again, the Eagles are crossing their fingers that Nate Allen returns 100 percent from his gruesome knee injury, Kurt Coleman wasn’t a seventh-round fluke, Jaiquawn Jarrett can play at the next level, and Marlin Jackson’s body doesn’t explode.

This is a Defense that’s supposed to be a Super Bowl contender?(**)

(**)And let’s not overlook the fact that this unit is being helmed by long-time Offensive Line Coach, Juan Castillo. You know, just in case you forgot.

Restless Fans: Look, I know it’s been a horribly long wait for the NFL offseason to finally get underway, and now that it’s in full swing, it feels like an awful long wait for the Eagles to start making moves. They signed Babin this morning. The Kolb trade is likely to go down today too.

Clearly, Andy and company have a plan that they’re trying to execute. Let’s let them see this through and collect the pieces they intend to add… And THEN we can start bashing those moves.

Until then? Relax. The signings and trades will come. And when they do, we’ll once again be ready to Fire The Walrus.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: We’re Still Here… And So is Kolb (For Now)

March 31, 2011

Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

Yes, I know, it looked as if we dropped off the face of Andy Reid’s belt buckle, but fear not faithful Fire The Walrus Nation (all two of you)… we are alive and well(*).

(*)Full disclosure: the recent hiatus can be blamed in part to a busy work schedule (yes, real work), a lapse in anything Eagles-related actually happening and a closet basketball obsession. Oh, not to mention this whole messy lockout business.

But lockout be damned, the anti-Andy Reid movement must continue onward.

And speaking of moving on…. Let’s talk about Kevin Kolb for a moment.

There were more than a few rumblings last week that the Eagles have already had discussions with teams – primarily those that preside in the UFL NFC West – about Kolb’s availability (as if that was in question), even going so far as to suggest that Andy Reid has a deal in place for a first round pick.

That sound you heard was Kevin Kolb’s trade value crashing through the NovaCare Complex floor.

Didn’t the Eagles learn anything from last year’s Quarterback Trade Quagmire? Every team in the league knew the birds wanted to trade Vick last offseason, which subsequently killed any value he had. They demanded a second-round pick and no one was willing to give them a third, leaving the team stuck with Vick – though fortunately so. Well what happens if they can’t get more than a second rounder for Kolb (which seemed to be the general consensus a few months ago)?

Apparently things have changed, as profootballtalk.com reported earlier today that the Eagles won’t have a problem getting a first round pick – the problem is the money Kolb is looking for… something on par with Matt Schaub’s contract. And let’s not forget what the Falcons got for Schaub (coincidentally, Vick’s backup at the time): they flipped first round picks with the Texans and received two second round picks.

Most likely due to this year’s lackluster Quarterback draft class, I guess teams are desperate enough for a QB that a first round pick isn’t a deal breaker. And why not take a flier on a guy that could be the next Aaron Rogers.

As it stands now though, with no new CBA, Kolb cannot be moved… leaving the Eagles with two options:

  • Trade Kolb for a 2012 draft pick
  • Keep Kolb as a back-up

If the team does trade him for a pick next year, Mike Kafka becomes the default backup to Mike Vick… unless the Eagles sign a veteran back-up. And who could they get, you might ask? Well 97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli floated the possibility of bringing back one Donovon McNabb… as a back-up… to Michael Vick.

I’d say the chances of that happening are as good as me becoming a Cowboys fan. Besides, with the news today of (yet another) Chad Pennington season-ending surgery, some team will be dumb enough willing to bring McNabb in for a look.

If the team keeps Kolb as Vick’s back-up, it will play out in one of two ways:

  • He stays for the year then walks away in Free Agency leaving the Eagles with nothing to show from first four rounds of the 2007 draft.
  • He stays for the year, the Eagles let Vick walk next offseason, and Kolb is (once again) named the teams’ starter.

Would Kolb be willing to wait another year for his shot at starting in midnight green? Would Eagles fans put up with another coronation of Kolb as starter?

The bottom line is that the Eagles HAVE to trade Kolb now, even if the result is a future draft pick. It’s amazing… the team gave away a first round pick to get him, now they need to get one back to reverse the damage. Kevin Kolb – the gift that keeps on giving!

Just another reason to Fire The Walrus.

It’s good to be back!


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: So Long NFL… For Now

March 11, 2011

My apologies for being MIA the past week or so. But fear not faithful readers (if you’re still out there) Fire The Walrus is still here.

The NFL – and officially the NFLPA – however, are not.

And it’s quite unfortunate because it seems like the players passed on a good deal.

Follow the extensive coverage over at profootballtalk.com.

Much more to come.


Whisker Wednesday Poll

March 2, 2011

Whisker Wednesday continues with the Whisker Wednesday Poll: Who is your “Jerk-Off of the Week” (Non-Walrus Edition)?

The Philadelphia Eagles Front Office brass had a banner week (no pun intended) – from winning awards they have no business winning, to getting snubbed by the real winners of said award, to comparing the Eagles mediocre playoff success to the Steelers actual playoff success – the team’s executives certainly have a knack for getting under Eagles fans’ skin.

On top of that, their longest tenured player, David Akers, is unhappy and refuses to sign his Transition Tag (boo-hoo!), even though he’s a Kicker who can no longer make field goals past 30-yards.

Not a very happy-go-lucky time in Eagles Nation… Which begs the question: Who has been the biggest jerk-off the past week?

Personally, I have to go with The Killer of Kelly Green. We don’t hear from her often, but when we do, we all wish she would just shut the hell up.

Nobody cares that she was offended for not being thanked for simply writing a check. In fact, WE’RE offended that she would even say such a thing… considering the Lurie’s Oscar is a slap in the face to Eagles fans everywhere.

Rosenfield is a close second though… Charlie Sheen keeps us all “winning!”

Have a better candidate for “Jerk-Off of the Week?” Leave it in the comments.

Coming Soon… Oscar Snub Sundays!


Whisker Wednesday

March 2, 2011

And on Whisker Wednesday, MikeVick said: “Of course I’ll sign for one-year, $16 million!” On to the Whiskers…

The Devil Backtracks, Sticks Other Hoof in Mouth
Last Thursday – as part of his annual media tour – Eagles’ Executive Spin Man Team President Joe Banner The Devil made an appearance on 97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli show to offer his views on the current state of the team, Andy Reid’s future and to clear up his Eagles-better-than-Steelers faux pas.

It’s certainly worth a listen – though I’ll warn you, the contents of this interview may cause irritation and screaming – particularly for Banner’s take on how the team has “drastically changed” in the past two offseasons.  We’ll get to that in a second.

First, let’s give The Devil credit for wiggling his way out of his Eagles-Steelers statement(*), as only The Devil could. The blame can’t be laid on him, but the constantly-undermining local media, who purposefully isolate Banner’s sound bites to make him come off like a complete arrogant jerk. Sure. It has nothing to do with the fact that he thinks he’s smarter than the entire Eagles fan base or knows that no matter what he says, the seats will be filled. It’s always somebody else’s fault, not his… maybe that’s where Donovon got it from? 

(*)As you may recall… Banner tried to assert that the six-time Super Bowl champion Steelers, who have appeared in three of the last six Super Bowls and won two of them, really aren’t any more successful than the Eagles on balance, because they haven’t made the playoffs nine of the last 11 years, or been to five conference championship games in the last decade, the way the Eagles have.

Banner is basically saying that nothing he says can be taken at face value, because the media has manipulated it to make him look bad. He reinforces this by making the same statement before every answer he gives Missanelli: “I know this will clip will get isolated and taken out of context, but…”

Could he be more neurotic?! And he has the nerve to tell us he doesn’t care what we think of him?! Clearly we’re taking that out of context too, right Joe?

But I digress… as that isn’t the most infuriating statement Banner makes in the interview. Not by a long shot.

The conversation naturally traveled to another “publicly misconstrued” comment The Devil once famously made, following the Eagles loss to the Cardinals in the 2008 NFC Championship game: “The definition of ‘Insanity’ is doing the same thing over.” Again, Banner tried to claim that what he actually said was something entirely different(**), but then went on to say the team had made drastic changes since that. Mikey Miss grilled him on those changes, and Banner went on to describe the decisions made to change every facet of the team, aside from the Head Coach.

(**)Bullshit! That’s just another instance of The Devil thinking Eagles fans are gullible.

This is where The Devil’s true colors come out, as he claims that each and every move – from player personnel to position coaches – was a meticulously thought-out, calculated decision. So the Eagles planned on Jim Johnson developing Melanoma, taking a leave-of-absence and dying suddenly? The front office planned on getting stuck with Vick, after vigorously shopping him for the entire 2009 offseason? And that would mean that The Devil, The Walrus and Howie calculated Kevin Kolb getting hurt in the first game of the 2010 season and Vick turning into the weapon he became, right?

Guess what, Joe? Eagles fans aren’t stupid. In fact, we’re intelligent enough to know a rat when we see one. You sir, are a rat. We’ll keep feeding you money – and maybe that does make us dumb – but we will never give you respect. Nor will we ever believe a word you say… whether the media is taking those words out of context or not.

An Quick Update on Lurie’s Oscar-Before-Vince Transgression
Philadelphia Daily News’ Dan Gross, aka @PhillyGossip, had this piece in today’s column, about the Lurie’s snub at the Oscars:

“Charles Ferguson shouldn’t count on Christina and Jeff Lurie to fund his next documentary.

The director of Inside Job, which won best documentary at Sunday’s Oscars, failed to thank the couple, who were executive producers of the film about corporate malfeasance and the 2008 Wall Street collapse, in his on-stage acceptance speech.

After thanking 12 other people, he did thank the couple backstage on Oscar.com’s ‘Thank You Cam,’ but only after being prompted by producer Audrey Marrs.

Christina Lurie ‘felt like she was slapped in the face,’ wrote Metro‘s Laura Goldman yesterday, quoting a friend of Lurie’s.”

Sorry Christina, but you’re not the only one who felt like they were slapped in the face… just ask any Eagles fan how it feels to see Lurie bring home an Oscar before a Vince Lombardi trophy.

And One More Note on Lurie’s Award…
Many film critics and movie nerds are bashing Inside Job for winning the Academy Award period – regardless of the films’ Executive Producers – claiming it isn’t finished… and rightfully so.

How do you make a movie documenting an international financial crisis, when that same international financial crisis is still ongoing? Much like the events and crisis that the film depicts, Inside Job is essentially a movie with no ending.

But that’s another post, for another blog.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Lurie’s a Winner, Hell Doesn’t Freeze Over

February 28, 2011

Well it finally happened. Something Jeffrey Lurie was fiscally-involved in won a trophy… and I, for one, welcome the incoming apocalypse.

That sound you heard last night – immediately following the announcement that Inside Job, Lurie’s film, won the Best Documentary Feature award – was the Delaware Valley collectively rolling its eyes.

Seriously though, how much can we truly bitch and moan about this? Realistically, it doesn’t affect Eagles Nation one iota. This is simply another branch of Lurie’s billion-dollar fortune; another avenue for him to spend money in a braggadocios way.

It is, however, frustrating for Eagles fans. And rightfully so. We are starving for our owner to hoist a trophy named Vince, not Oscar(*). To have him win an award in an industry other than football is a complete slap in the face. Shouldn’t all of his attention and focus be on winning a Super Bowl, not an Academy Award?

(*)Thankfully Lurie did not appear on the Oscar telecast – especially with trophy in hand – as I’d be out shopping for a new TV right now.

Of course, he didn’t direct, write or star in the film. He was simply a money guy(**). But isn’t that the exact same role he plays with the Birds? Isn’t he the “Executive Producer” (if you will) of a team that hasn’t produced anything but box office numbers and increased revenue?

(**)Inside Job was produced by Lurie’s documentary film company, Screen Pass Pictures.

It’s nice that he has other interests and investments outside of the NFL, but Eagles fans made Jeffrey Lurie the billionaire that he is today… it’d be nice to get a return on our investment too. Instead, we remain the punching bag for all NFL franchises who have won a Super Bowl.

Lurie isn’t even the first owner in the Division to receive an Oscar. According to Forbes, New York Giants’ owner Steve Tisch was a producer on the 1994 Best Picture winner, Forrest Gump. The difference here, of course, is that at the time, Tisch had no connection to the NFL. He didn’t join the Giants until 2005.

Tisch does own the distinction of being the only person ever to have won an Oscar and a Super Bowl ring… a list that Lurie desperately needs to add his name to.

It took Lurie 11 films over 17 years to reach the pinnacle of the movie world. For some reason he expects the same strategy to apply to the NFL. Until then, we can all eagerly await the sequel to his award-winning film:

Inside Job Too: The story of Lurie’s money-first/championships-never crimes against Eagles fans.


Whisker Wednesday… With a Poll? (Twofer!)

February 23, 2011

It’s a late and short Whisker Wednesday, but it’s a Whisker Wednesday indeed!

CBS Sports’ Senior Writer Clark Judge wrote a President’s Day piece on Monday(*) – happy belated! – honoring our nation’s leaders by forging a Mount Rushmore out of the top four NFL Head Coaches of the past decade. His Fab Four: Bill Belichick, Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgren and, our beloved coach, The Walrus.

(*)Thanks @SymbiotDesign.

I totally disagree with one of his choices, but (surprise)… it’s Mike Holmgren. If you’ve been keeping up, of course I recognize and respect Andy as the greatest Eagles coach and one of the top coaches in the league over the last ten years. That’s nothing new. So I agree that Reid belongs on Judge’s Decade-long monument.

But Holmgren?! What has he done in the last ten years besides keep Seattle competitive in an awful Division and spawn more Head Coaches? The Browns may be turning the corner, but I think Judge is as stuck in the 90’s as Portland.

Wouldn’t Bill Cowher – or more appropriately a Cowher/Mike Tomlin hybrid(**) – be a better representation of the past decade. Cowher has also seen many former assistants become Head Coaches.

(**)Tomlin with Cowher’s chin? Black Cowher?

Holmgren belongs with the likes of Bill Parcells, Marv Levy and Jimmie Johnson (ugh)… in the 90’s.

As for Reid’s inclusion, Judge had this to say:

After the Eagles lost to Green Bay in the playoffs, I got a call from a Philadelphia-area radio station, with talk-show hosts there wondering if it was time to get rid of Andy Reid. I suggested it was time they get a clue. Andy Reid is one of the most successful and least appreciated coaches in the NFL. Philadelphia doesn’t know how good it has it with the guy, but it might if it remembered that in the two years before he landed the Eagles were 9-22-1.

Yes, the two years before Reid were pathetic – thanks Richie K for the great Drafts and Ray Rhodes for your uninspiring coaching style! – but nobody forgets them. He continues with Reid’s impressive resume and lauds him for his courage to make bold decisions with personnel moves. Oh and he calls Eagles fans spoiled.

Judge takes the typical “National Media” stance on Reid – the one that makes passive-aggressive Eagles fans apathetic towards the team’s repeated pratfalls – telling Eagles fans that we’re spoiled and should worship the ground The Walrus sunbathes on. Again, we can all agree that Andy Reid is a good coach. He has been the best (and the worst) thing to happen to this organization since the early-90’s. And he could, for all we know, win a Super Bowl someday.

What the National-perspective doesn’t see is the game of history-repeated we follow day-in and day-out year round. Every year it’s the same thing with Reid. The clock management, the challenges, the play-calling, the Linebackers, the running game, the one missing piece that could put them over the top… Coming so close but never close enough. It never ends.

Pundits see the wins, the playoff appearances and Championship games. We see the past… and no rings.

The Walrus has one more season to prove that he belongs to be chiseled out of stone.

But wait, there’s more…

Take the Whisker Wednesday Poll: Who belongs on the past decade’s NFL Head Coach Mount Rushmore?

Have a better combination? Leave ’em in the comments.

Coming soon… Sunbathing Sundays!


Reason #74 to Fire The Walrus

February 22, 2011

The Andy Reid School of Clock Management

Andy Reid manages the game clock like a monkey manages its feces… improperly, inappropriately timed, and just way too hands-on.

To say his clock management skills are abysmal is the understatement of his regime – it’s literally his biggest flaw as a Head Coach. And this is universally known.

After twelve seasons at the helm, you would think he would do something about it? Hand the duties off to one of his many assistants. Hire someone specifically to handle the clock. Outsource it to India… as Mike Lombardi famously suggested(*).

(*)The New York Times ran a piece on the poor state of clock management overall in the NFL, with this gem:

Michael Lombardi, a longtime NFL executive who managed the personnel departments in Oakland and Cleveland, and who now works as an NFL Network analyst, has little patience for such coaching mistakes. In weekly online analysis, he often rails on coaches for giving away games with bad judgment. He wrote this season that Philadelphia Coach Andy Reid was “my all-time worst game manager.”

“Andy Reid should outsource it to India,” Lombardi said in a telephone interview this week.

No. Not Andy Reid(**). Nor The Devil or The Billionaire, who early on decided to give The Walrus full autonomy and haven’t questioned any decision he’s made since. At what point do they need to intervene?

(**)Of course, we covered his abject stubbornness and inability to ever admit a mistake, here.

He’s already reached the pinnacle of game clock mishaps, with his infamous Super Bowl XXXIX timefuck against the Patriots. ESPN’s John Clayton, in his Eagles Super Bowl postmortem, Eagles had some explaining to do after game, details the coach’s blunders… with some inspiring Andy quotes, no less:

Down by 10 points with 5:40 left in regulation, McNabb and the Eagles didn’t go into a no-huddle offense. The Eagles ate up too much clock on that 13-play, 79-yard touchdown drive.

“I don’t know what happened,” Eagles tight end L.J. Smith said.

The Eagles were unable to explain their clock management at the end of the game.

“Well, we were trying to hurry up,” Eagles coach Andy Reid said. “It was the way things worked out.”

The beleaguered Eagles coach took even more criticism at the end of the first half. The Eagles, with the scored tied 7-7, had the ball at their 19-yard line with 1:10 left. Donovan McNabb completed a 10-yard pass to Todd Pinkston, but Reid didn’t call a timeout. The clocked went from 43 seconds to 17. McNabb hit Pinkston for a 15-yard completion, and Reid called his first timeout of the half.

Suddenly, the Eagles were at their 41-yard line when maybe they could have gotten in range for a David Akers field goal. Instead, they ended up having two unused timeouts and had to answer questions from the media.

“I don’t remember that at all, to be honest with you,” Reid said of the halftime question.

Yet he remains the Head Coach.

Sure, that was five years ago, but it’s not like it’s gotten any better. In Week one of the 2010 season, Reid spoiled a potential comeback against the eventual champion-Packers, with a typical mishandling of his timeouts. In his post-game recap, Rich Hoffman wrote(***):

(***)In the article, Hoffman discusses John T. Reed’s book “Football Clock Management.” A future Eagles Fan Book Club inclusion, indeed!

The time-management issue du jour concerned Reid’s use of his timeouts on Sunday against the Green Bay Packers. Lost in all of the Kevin Kolb/Michael Vick business, and all of the concussion business, was the decision by Reid, trailing by seven points in the fourth quarter, to call his three second-half timeouts with 5:25, 5:17 and 5:11 left to play.

It was jarring to some, who asked, essentially, why so soon? It was reasonable enough to others, who figured that there wasn’t a whole big bunch of difference between getting the ball back with 4:13 left and no timeouts (as Reid did) or getting it back with 2:23 left and three timeouts (which is what likely would have happened had Reid waited).

Again, this was Reid’s 12th season as a Head Coach. That’s more than a decade of similar timeout screwjobs. But it’s never been solely about his timeout (mis-)usage, as simply getting plays called in a timely fashion is incomprehensible to Reid. Week four of this past season against the Redskins perfectly summed up Andy’s ineptitude – but did give us the now classic Walrus-ism “I goofed” – highlighted in The Daily News’ Eaglterian blog:

Reid said he “goofed” on the play at the end of the first half that led to the Eagles taking a delay of game penalty.

He said the team had a play called for inches and that when they got to the play it was more like a yard.

“That’s my fault,” Reid said. “I’m trying to explain the thought process on it and that’s where I’m going to end it. We had the play called for inches and inches weren’t inches when that thing were started … The position of the ball wasn’t where we thought. From where it was originally was and where it ended up being were two different spots. That’s my responsibility. I’m not here to complain about the officials. I’m not here to complain about anybody else. I goofed.”

Replays showed Kevin Kolb walking on the field with the play clock at 11 seconds remaining.

“I wasn’t surprised that the clock was moving,” Reid said. “I was surprised with how quick it was moving with when it was started with the spot.”

(The aforementioned) Mike Lombardi wrote a phenomenal piece at the National Football Post, naming Andy Reid the NFL’s worst game manager, following a particularly ugly loss at home to the Raiders in 2009. Read it, and you’ll agree(****)… piss-poor clock management is yet another reason to Fire The Walrus.

(****)Even if Lombardi doesn’t, though that was 2009.