Project #OccupyNovacareComplex

October 6, 2011

You’re probably aware – or at least should be aware – that there is a movement going on right now in New York City (and being adopted by various other cities) known as Occupy Wall Street. In short, Occupy Wall Street is a protest against the fat cats on Wall Street who are responsible for our failing economy and the fact that they NEED to be held accountable.

The movement is keeping up a running theme that’s currently in vogue throughout the world: Revolution.

So far in 2011, we’ve seen a revolution in Egypt, uprisings in Syria and Yemen, riots and protests across the Middle East, in Wisconsin, and now on Wall Street. Demanding accountability and repercussions for actions is all the rage these days, and it is high time die-hard Eagles fans jumped on that bandwagon.

Now, we’re not actually suggesting a physical revolt or violent protest… But The Billionaire and The Devil NEED to be told how we (the paying, forever-loyal customers) feel about the current state of the team. Much like the Wall Street execs that don’t give one shit about the rest of this country and the awesome predicament they put us in, Lurie and Banner simply tune out the fans, our complaints and our burning, never-fleeting desire to see the Eagles WIN A FREAKING SUPER BOWL.

We demand satisfaction. We demand respect. We demand a football coach who is more concerned with the play on the field than a reporter asking him a question he doesn’t like. We demand a Lombardi trophy and a coach capable of delivering one.

We’re putting out a call to all Eagles fans and everyone in Fire The Walrus nation: Get on your Facebook, get on your Twitter, get on your Google+ (that’s still a thing, right?), get on the Eagles’ message boards, get on 9.75 and 94.1, and let the Eagles’ bigwigs know that we will no longer stand for this!

We demand accountability for The Walrus’ crimes against Eagles fans. Forget the economy failing our country… our team is failing our city. This isn’t football, this is life… and Andy Reid has pushed us around for too long!(*)

#OccupyNovacareComplex! #OccupyTheLinc! #FireTheWalrus!

(*)Please note: This is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. In no way are we trying to undermine the importance of what’s going on around the world.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Um, What Happened?!

October 2, 2011

Ummmmm, what happened?!

Well the Eagles “Dream Team” Defense had a Mets-style(*) meltdown in the fourth quarter – for the third week in a row! – to a team with an Offense ranked 28th overall in the NFL in passing and 30th overall in the NFL in running. You did not misread that!

(*)Or Red Sox or Braves-style collapse for the fans of recent analogy history.

That’s what happened.

Remember the scene in The Big Lebowski, where Walter Sobchak (John Goodman’s most transcendent performance) famously freaks out on the kid Larry Sellers, who stole the Dude’s car, “You see what happens?! You see what happens Larry?! You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!”(**) That’s what we’d like to do to Andy Reid right now… “You see what happens?! You see what happens Andy?! You see what happens when make your Offensive Line Coach your Defensive Coordinator?!”

(**)Please note: the link is the edited-for-TV version, which hilariously changes Walter’s: “You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!” to “You see what happens when you fool a stranger in the Alps?!” Always loved that edit!

This is unreal! Who would have thought that, with the additions of Asomugha, Babin, Jenkins, DRC, Page, Matthews (HA!), etc., the Birds’ D would somehow be worse than last year’s pathetic group? We’ve covered Fredo extensively, but what about Jarrad Page? That dude may as well be named Blaine Bishop! Nate Allen is not what he was pre-injury. Babin and Jenkins have actually been fantastic… rushing the QB. The line can’t stop the run, the Linebackers can’t stop the run and the Secondary can’t stop the run. Oh, and NO ONE CAN TACKLE! Because, you know, tackling is not something that’s important in football…

And forget the D, does Ronnie Brown have a head injury?! Did his preseason concussion baseline test not show the massive tumor blocking whatever part of the brain makes decisions?! What the fuck was that?! Has any skill position player in the history of football ever decided to look back and throw the ball to no one in particular, even though he was less than two inches from being down and had four opposing players in his line of vision? Is Ronnie Brown color blind? Can he not tell the difference between green and red? So many questions! I hope Jon Dorenbos takes the initiative and asks him, in his long-going attempt to take Dave Spadaro’s job!

But back to the issue at hand… The philosophy that Andy Reid used to build this team – get the lead with a “high-powered” Offense early, protect the lead by pressuring the QB and taking away his Receivers – is extremely flawed, this we know. But it’s never back-fired this spectacularly. Three straight weeks, three straight leads going into the fourth quarter, three straight losses:

Week Two versus Atlanta
31 – 21 with 1:59 remaining in the third; lost the lead with 4:48 remaining in the fourth

Week Three versus NYG
16 – 14 with :59 remaining in the third; lost the lead with 8:07 remaining in the fourth

Week Four versus San Fran
23 – 3 with 9:30 remaining in the third; lost the lead with 3:00 remaining in the fourth

Can the Eagles survive 1-3? Probably not. They started 0-2 in 2003 and made it to the NFC Championship Game. They started 2-2 last year and ended up making the playoffs. But 1-3? They are in trouble. Serious trouble. But thankfully, maybe, hopefully, Walrus firing trouble.

We need to try to wrap our heads around this one. Much, much more coming tomorrow and the rest of the week. And for those who look for us on Twitter and here during home games: FYI, The Billionaire decided to block phone service in the stadium so that fans are forced to (but don’t) rent their bullshit “Fan Experience” thing that gives scores and highlights for around the league. Because God forbid fans should be allowed to communicate with the outside world watching on TV. Or, you know, bash the team share their feelings on social media.

Fuck it dude… let’s go Phillies!


The End of an Era… For Better or Worse

August 2, 2011

The 2011 NFL Season will mark the end of an era for the Eagles… we just don’t know which one yet.

Either the long, excruciating history of Super Bowl-less Eagles teams finally comes to an end or the Andy Reid-regime crumbles under the weight of expectations(*). That’s it. No ifs, no ands, no buts. Joe Banner has made this perfectly – and encouragingly – clear.

(*)And Andy Reid himself.

The free agent spending spree we just witnessed was The Devil, The Billionaire and Howie’s way of publicly letting Reid know that they will not be bringing him back next season as a lame duck – lame walrus? – coach. Win the Super Bowl, get an extension. Fall short of that goal, you’re gone(**). The reckoning has finally come!

(**)Though don’t put it past those cheap lying “experts of the smokescreen” to give The Walrus another one-year extension if the team made it to, but lost, the NFC Championship Game. And my God have mercy on our souls…

With the Front Office stacking the team with as much talent as its ever had – even more so than the 2004 juggernaut Eagles(***) – the time to win is NOW. Banner even came out and said this nationally on yesterday’s PFT Live (see the link above), profootballtalk.com’s daily show. We’ve heard Banner make bold statements before – you may recall his claim of having “The best roster in the NFL!” in 2009 – but this one rings true.

(***)As good as that team was – and it was without a doubt the best Eagles team since the Reggie/Randall days – the NFL, particularly the NFC and NFC East, was so weak that season that the team’s ability was inflated.

Kevin Kolb is gone. There is no young, up-and-coming Quarterback to buy Reid a few more years – save for the potential of Vince Young, but even he’s on a one-year deal. Vick gives the Eagles the best chance to win now and the best chance to move on if it doesn’t work out. His career trajectory will either peak this season, or it unfortunately peaked last year, but there is no more room for growth. This is it. It’s now Reid’s job to have Vick get the franchise over the hump and win a Super Bowl, or it’s going to be somebody else’s job next year.

This is the ultimate test: a roster with gobs of talent and tons of depth; a premiere Quarterback at the height of his powers; a ridiculously-skilled Offense; a potentially tantalizing Defense. Barring major injuries, this is the strongest, deepest and most potent collection of players Reid has had the pleasure to coach(****). If he can’t make it work, he is the problem. There will be no more scapegoats – no matter how inexperienced the “new” Defensive Coordinator may be. Hell, if Ginger McDermutt had Asomugha, DRC, Babin and Jenkins last season, we’d most likely be cheering him in Lehigh today… maybe even dye our hair red in homage.

(****)Ray Didinger would like to throw water on that statement.

We’re not saying a Super Bowl is a sure thing… far from it. But this IS the last chance Andy Reid will have at winning one with the Eagles. He’s been handed one of the most talented rosters in the NFL, he just has to put them in the right situations.

It all falls on Reid’s wide fluffy shoulders. Banner, Lurie and Howie have made it perfectly clear, not just saying that the team is “all in,” but by actually going out and proving it with their high-profile acquisitions. The window to win is now. Expectations can’t get higher. It’s win or go home for The Walrus.

Either way, it’s the beginning of the end of an era. Super Bowl or Bust. Lombardi or Walrus.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: The Walrus Goes ‘All In’

July 30, 2011

What can be said for what went down at 6 p.m. EST on July 29, 2011?

The day started with a post on this very site, praising(?!) Andy Reid for taking a low-risk, high-reward chance on Vince Young, back-up Quarterback. The day ended with The Walrus, The Devil and The Billionaire pushing all of their chips in the middle of the table and calling “all in” on the 2011 NFL season.

And boy, are we impressed.

A secondary including Asante Samuel, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Nnamdi Asomugha(*) immediately hides many of the Eagles defensive problems. They can go into the season with Jamar Chaney, Casey Matthews and Moises Fokou as the starting Linebackers(**). They can get away with a rotation of Trent Cole, Jason Babin, Juqua Parker, a less-than-100% Brandon Graham, and the Tapp-Sapp-Hunt pu pu platter at DE. They can have a lifelong Offensive Line Coach takeover the reins of the Defense. They still need another DT – sorry Bunkley – and another Safety to add to the mix, but, wow… just wow.

(*)Just writing that brings a tear to my eye…

(**)Though, hopefully, they will wise up and add at least ONE legitimate veteran to the LB corps.

People are calling this a stunning move, but to Andy’s credit, it’s not unprecedented. He has a knack for going after the top-flight free agents and acquiring his targets. Jon Runyan, Jevon Kearse, Asante, (almost LeCharles Bentley). And now the prize of the 2011 free agent class, Asomugha.

Additionally, this isn’t the first time Andy has pieced together a defensive backfield that can strike fear into the hearts of opposing Offenses. Following the NFC Championship game loss to the Rams in 2001 – which saw the Rams’ “Greatest Show on Turf” Offense and subsequent 4 and 5-receiver sets pick apart the Eagles secondary – the team drafted Lito Sheppard, Sheldon Brown and Michael Lewis in the first two rounds of the draft and added free agent Strong Safety Blaine Bishop to an already stellar cast of Brian Dawkins, Troy Vincent, Bobby Taylor and Al Harris. Bishop didn’t pan out, but the Eagles secondary propelled the Defense to the number two ranking that season.

The team’s secondary was horrendous in 2010 – giving up a franchise record 31 passing touchdowns in the regular season – and, after moving away from it for a few years, the NFL is once again dominated by Offenses running 4 and 5-Wide Receiver sets. Assuming no one is traded, the Eagles are going into the season with Asomugha and Asante – the NFL’s best cover corner and best ballhawking corner – as the starters, with Pro Bowler Rodgers-Cromartie and borederline-starter Joselio Hanson as the nickle and dime corners. Wow.

Two days in a row of praising Andy Reid is painful… but you can’t deny that he is going all out for this season. And we love it!

We’ve been screaming for the Birds to go all in for a Super Bowl run every offseason since 2004 (the last time they truly went for it). Well, they finally answered the call.

Fire The Walrus? Not today(***).

(***)But we’ll see what happens come gamedays.


Whisker Wednesday Poll

March 2, 2011

Whisker Wednesday continues with the Whisker Wednesday Poll: Who is your “Jerk-Off of the Week” (Non-Walrus Edition)?

The Philadelphia Eagles Front Office brass had a banner week (no pun intended) – from winning awards they have no business winning, to getting snubbed by the real winners of said award, to comparing the Eagles mediocre playoff success to the Steelers actual playoff success – the team’s executives certainly have a knack for getting under Eagles fans’ skin.

On top of that, their longest tenured player, David Akers, is unhappy and refuses to sign his Transition Tag (boo-hoo!), even though he’s a Kicker who can no longer make field goals past 30-yards.

Not a very happy-go-lucky time in Eagles Nation… Which begs the question: Who has been the biggest jerk-off the past week?

Personally, I have to go with The Killer of Kelly Green. We don’t hear from her often, but when we do, we all wish she would just shut the hell up.

Nobody cares that she was offended for not being thanked for simply writing a check. In fact, WE’RE offended that she would even say such a thing… considering the Lurie’s Oscar is a slap in the face to Eagles fans everywhere.

Rosenfield is a close second though… Charlie Sheen keeps us all “winning!”

Have a better candidate for “Jerk-Off of the Week?” Leave it in the comments.

Coming Soon… Oscar Snub Sundays!


Whisker Wednesday

March 2, 2011

And on Whisker Wednesday, MikeVick said: “Of course I’ll sign for one-year, $16 million!” On to the Whiskers…

The Devil Backtracks, Sticks Other Hoof in Mouth
Last Thursday – as part of his annual media tour – Eagles’ Executive Spin Man Team President Joe Banner The Devil made an appearance on 97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli show to offer his views on the current state of the team, Andy Reid’s future and to clear up his Eagles-better-than-Steelers faux pas.

It’s certainly worth a listen – though I’ll warn you, the contents of this interview may cause irritation and screaming – particularly for Banner’s take on how the team has “drastically changed” in the past two offseasons.  We’ll get to that in a second.

First, let’s give The Devil credit for wiggling his way out of his Eagles-Steelers statement(*), as only The Devil could. The blame can’t be laid on him, but the constantly-undermining local media, who purposefully isolate Banner’s sound bites to make him come off like a complete arrogant jerk. Sure. It has nothing to do with the fact that he thinks he’s smarter than the entire Eagles fan base or knows that no matter what he says, the seats will be filled. It’s always somebody else’s fault, not his… maybe that’s where Donovon got it from? 

(*)As you may recall… Banner tried to assert that the six-time Super Bowl champion Steelers, who have appeared in three of the last six Super Bowls and won two of them, really aren’t any more successful than the Eagles on balance, because they haven’t made the playoffs nine of the last 11 years, or been to five conference championship games in the last decade, the way the Eagles have.

Banner is basically saying that nothing he says can be taken at face value, because the media has manipulated it to make him look bad. He reinforces this by making the same statement before every answer he gives Missanelli: “I know this will clip will get isolated and taken out of context, but…”

Could he be more neurotic?! And he has the nerve to tell us he doesn’t care what we think of him?! Clearly we’re taking that out of context too, right Joe?

But I digress… as that isn’t the most infuriating statement Banner makes in the interview. Not by a long shot.

The conversation naturally traveled to another “publicly misconstrued” comment The Devil once famously made, following the Eagles loss to the Cardinals in the 2008 NFC Championship game: “The definition of ‘Insanity’ is doing the same thing over.” Again, Banner tried to claim that what he actually said was something entirely different(**), but then went on to say the team had made drastic changes since that. Mikey Miss grilled him on those changes, and Banner went on to describe the decisions made to change every facet of the team, aside from the Head Coach.

(**)Bullshit! That’s just another instance of The Devil thinking Eagles fans are gullible.

This is where The Devil’s true colors come out, as he claims that each and every move – from player personnel to position coaches – was a meticulously thought-out, calculated decision. So the Eagles planned on Jim Johnson developing Melanoma, taking a leave-of-absence and dying suddenly? The front office planned on getting stuck with Vick, after vigorously shopping him for the entire 2009 offseason? And that would mean that The Devil, The Walrus and Howie calculated Kevin Kolb getting hurt in the first game of the 2010 season and Vick turning into the weapon he became, right?

Guess what, Joe? Eagles fans aren’t stupid. In fact, we’re intelligent enough to know a rat when we see one. You sir, are a rat. We’ll keep feeding you money – and maybe that does make us dumb – but we will never give you respect. Nor will we ever believe a word you say… whether the media is taking those words out of context or not.

An Quick Update on Lurie’s Oscar-Before-Vince Transgression
Philadelphia Daily News’ Dan Gross, aka @PhillyGossip, had this piece in today’s column, about the Lurie’s snub at the Oscars:

“Charles Ferguson shouldn’t count on Christina and Jeff Lurie to fund his next documentary.

The director of Inside Job, which won best documentary at Sunday’s Oscars, failed to thank the couple, who were executive producers of the film about corporate malfeasance and the 2008 Wall Street collapse, in his on-stage acceptance speech.

After thanking 12 other people, he did thank the couple backstage on Oscar.com’s ‘Thank You Cam,’ but only after being prompted by producer Audrey Marrs.

Christina Lurie ‘felt like she was slapped in the face,’ wrote Metro‘s Laura Goldman yesterday, quoting a friend of Lurie’s.”

Sorry Christina, but you’re not the only one who felt like they were slapped in the face… just ask any Eagles fan how it feels to see Lurie bring home an Oscar before a Vince Lombardi trophy.

And One More Note on Lurie’s Award…
Many film critics and movie nerds are bashing Inside Job for winning the Academy Award period – regardless of the films’ Executive Producers – claiming it isn’t finished… and rightfully so.

How do you make a movie documenting an international financial crisis, when that same international financial crisis is still ongoing? Much like the events and crisis that the film depicts, Inside Job is essentially a movie with no ending.

But that’s another post, for another blog.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Lurie’s a Winner, Hell Doesn’t Freeze Over

February 28, 2011

Well it finally happened. Something Jeffrey Lurie was fiscally-involved in won a trophy… and I, for one, welcome the incoming apocalypse.

That sound you heard last night – immediately following the announcement that Inside Job, Lurie’s film, won the Best Documentary Feature award – was the Delaware Valley collectively rolling its eyes.

Seriously though, how much can we truly bitch and moan about this? Realistically, it doesn’t affect Eagles Nation one iota. This is simply another branch of Lurie’s billion-dollar fortune; another avenue for him to spend money in a braggadocios way.

It is, however, frustrating for Eagles fans. And rightfully so. We are starving for our owner to hoist a trophy named Vince, not Oscar(*). To have him win an award in an industry other than football is a complete slap in the face. Shouldn’t all of his attention and focus be on winning a Super Bowl, not an Academy Award?

(*)Thankfully Lurie did not appear on the Oscar telecast – especially with trophy in hand – as I’d be out shopping for a new TV right now.

Of course, he didn’t direct, write or star in the film. He was simply a money guy(**). But isn’t that the exact same role he plays with the Birds? Isn’t he the “Executive Producer” (if you will) of a team that hasn’t produced anything but box office numbers and increased revenue?

(**)Inside Job was produced by Lurie’s documentary film company, Screen Pass Pictures.

It’s nice that he has other interests and investments outside of the NFL, but Eagles fans made Jeffrey Lurie the billionaire that he is today… it’d be nice to get a return on our investment too. Instead, we remain the punching bag for all NFL franchises who have won a Super Bowl.

Lurie isn’t even the first owner in the Division to receive an Oscar. According to Forbes, New York Giants’ owner Steve Tisch was a producer on the 1994 Best Picture winner, Forrest Gump. The difference here, of course, is that at the time, Tisch had no connection to the NFL. He didn’t join the Giants until 2005.

Tisch does own the distinction of being the only person ever to have won an Oscar and a Super Bowl ring… a list that Lurie desperately needs to add his name to.

It took Lurie 11 films over 17 years to reach the pinnacle of the movie world. For some reason he expects the same strategy to apply to the NFL. Until then, we can all eagerly await the sequel to his award-winning film:

Inside Job Too: The story of Lurie’s money-first/championships-never crimes against Eagles fans.


NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: The Devil Speaks, Puts Hoof In Mouth

February 17, 2011

Wow! Just… WOW!

Joe Banner The Devil continued his annual visit from the depths of Hell and boy, did he not disappoint… even taking calls from fans (though I’m sure screened) on 610 WIP with that weasel Burger King host of theirs(*). His rhetoric was the same as usual and, in typical Banner-fashion, he unleashed a sound bite that does nothing but insult the intelligence of Eagles fans.

(*)Full Disclosure: I LOATHE that rat-fink, phony, closet-Cowgirls fan Eskin. Even his beard couldn’t sway me…

Via Les Bowen’s recap of the interview on Philly.com (I’ll spare you having to listen to that infuriating piece of radio):

In perhaps his toughest rhetorical challenge, Banner tried to assert that the six-time Super Bowl champion Steelers, who have appeared in three of the last six Super Bowls and won two of them, really aren’t any more successful than the Eagles on balance, because they haven’t made the playoffs nine of the last 11 years, or been to five conference championship games in the last decade, the way the Eagles have.

What the fuck?!!?!

I still haven’t been able to peel my jaw off of the floor after reading that…. Read it again. Doesn’t it infuriate you? Doesn’t a statement like that give you the impression that Joe Banner The Devil thinks Eagles fans are morons? Guess what Joey, we weren’t born yesterday.

If anything, that statement proves a point I’ve been trying to make since Banner ascended from his role as “Cap Specialist” to a position of real power in the organization: This guy doesn’t know one thing about football. Not one.

The Billionaire was a casual football fan who happened to have enough money(**) to buy a football team and – rather than hire a real “football guy” – put his best friend, Banner, into a position to be making actual personnel decisions. It was one thing to negotiate contracts and manage the cap, but to actually be making football decisions? And even worse, The Devil spawned off his little Beelzebub-sidekick, Howie, who has even less experience, yet somehow more power than Banner did when he first started. This isn’t a Front Office… it’s an Alpha Epsilon Pi clubhouse.

(**)Though I’m saying that in the loosest of terms.

How can any reasonably intelligent person with at least some knowledge of football say that? It’s literally insane. Right?

Well, as I mentioned yesterday in Whisker Wednesday, you must read between the lines with The Devil, and between those lines (as usual with Banner) is money.

Via Forbes’ annual NFL Team Evaluations (as of August 2010): The Eagles are worth $1.119 Billion (7th overall). The Steelers are worth $996 Million (17th overall). The Eagles total revenue for the 2009 season was $260 Million (5th overall). The Steelers total revenue for the 2009 season was $243 Million (14th overall). The Eagles Operating Income (the money The Billionaire pocketed) for the 2009 season was $34.7 Million (13th). The Steelers Operating Income for the 2009 season was $17.9 Million (24th overall).

So, yes, by The Devil’s logic the Eagles are more successful than the Steelers. But, in the real world, where you and I – the people who live and die with every snap, who bleed Eagles green, who PAY MONEY (and sometimes more than they should) to support the team they love as much as family – live and have to take crap from other teams fans for the comments our inconsiderate team president made on a shitty sports talk radio show, Super Bowl wins matter. Not money. Just rings. And we still have none.

We just have The Gold Standard… 2.0!


And Now For Something Completely Different… A Momentary Departure from The Walrus

February 17, 2011

Protesting – whether non-violent or otherwise – seems to be all the rage these days. From Cairo to Bahrain, Iraq and Iran, Libya – even in Wisconsin and Ohio – the people are sticking it the man.

Of course, these protests are based on civil and liberal rights, political and religious freedoms, and – in the case of U.S. teachers – a better collective bargaining agreement. But we’re about to see something very similar in the NFL… just, you know, without the violence and tragedy(*).

(*)Though Panther’s owner Jerry Richardson seems game.

The looming labor war/lockout/work stoppage/whatever you want to call it, is getting nasty. There are owners taking shots at star players (see the aforementioned Richardson), talks breaking because the owners didn’t like the Union’s initial proposal, the Union threatening to decertify, the owners calling their bluffs… all the while, the man at the center of it all, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, seems pleased to simply fan the flames, rather help than put out the fire.

Sure, he released an op-ed this week urging both sides to come together and reach an agreement – or, at least, a starting point in the negotiations. But how much of that was truly sincere and how much was a public relations ploy? I’m not saying that Union President DeMaurice Smith is any better – he’s not – but at least he’s being consistent in his mud-slinging politicking. Goodell simply talks out of both sides of his mouth.

His stance on player safety and concussions was marginalized by the push for an 18-game schedule. The player conduct policy – and its precedents for punishment – was turned on its head with his Brett Favre-sexual harassment ruling. He claims he desperately wants a labor deal in place, but everything the league does seems to throw water on that. He is entirely untrustworthy and the past 12 months have made him look like nothing more than a snake oil salesman. I am convinced that Goodell is setting himself up to one day have a gig in politics. Like many high-profile attorneys, a role like commissioner is a major steppingstone into the political world. He even posses the ideal characteristics and attributes to make him the perfect, sleazy politician.

When Goodell took over the role of commissioner, he clearly wanted to put his own stamp on the league and take the NFL to new heights. He has, in terms of television ratings and net revenue. Hell the league and Union are arguing over how to split more than $9 billion. But the NFL’s most important priority should be the fans, and that is just not a part of Goodell’s MO. The impending lockout is ludicrous. The league is printing money, hand over fist and Goodell’s (nor Smith’s) stubbornness should not be a factor in the equation. He is there to represent the owners and bridge the gap between management and players. Why does it always seem like he is driving a stake between the two?

Meanwhile, Jerry Jones builds a billion dollar palace monstrosity – better known as Jerry World – simply for the gratification of hosting a Super Bowl and being the envy of all other owners. Sure, fans feel like they’re sitting in the comfort of their own living rooms, watching the game being played in front of them on the world’s largest TV, but the whole thing reeks of overindulgence, ego and greed. Then of course there’s the whole temporary seating snafu during the Super Bowl, which left Jones with egg all over his face(**) and the league with a black eye. Guess what Jerry… much like your face, your stadium turned out to be a superficial disaster.

(**)As opposed to the usual botox and surgical bandages.

The safety of the fans, spectators and executives that filled those Super Bowl seats didn’t matter to Jones – much like the fans don’t matter to the league now. Jerry Jones’ only concern was the number 103,220 – one more than the current (and still standing) Super Bowl attendance record. That insignificant and meaningless number could only be used to brag to the other 31 NFL owners – presumably while they sit around a gold and diamond-plated conference table, dining on Lobster and extinct Dodo Bird eggs, smoking cigars rolled by Castro himself – and is completely meaningless to fans. And so is the labor battle.

The NFL – as it stands today – is no longer concerned with annual traditions like the Scouting Combine, the Draft, Free Agency or Minicamps… It’s all about legalities, decertification and litigiousness. Lockouts, work stoppages and bitter disputes held in a court of law, not on a playing field. And who’s the big loser in all of this? Me and you. The fans. The customers. The gamblers, the gamers and the fantasy players. The loyal devotees of the greatest sport known to man (sorry Baseball fans).

Sure, the owners or the players may lose out on a few bucks here or there… but what about the average fan making $50,000 a year who shells out a minimum of $1,200 on tickets alone (before you throw in parking, concessions, etc.) – two of which are meaningless pre-season games (at full price)? Where’s our relief? Why does the division of our hard-earned cash and ad-generated television revenue need to be fought over publicly like two fats kids fighting over the last Nestle Crunch bar?

Guess what NFL… you owe us, not the other way around. Figure out how to split the pie (which doesn’t stop growing, by the way) and get on with the 2011 offseason. The longer this drags on, the closer we get to missing actual games, the worse off the fans are.

All across the globe, a blueprint for “justice” is being laid out. The people are speaking and, in time, the powers that be will eventually listen. Even Mubarak. Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith better start listening(***).

(***)Please note that that was tongue-in-cheek and in no way am I encouraging an NFL fan uprising. I’m just saying… it’s becoming an interesting trend.


The Curious Case of Michael Vick… Or, How I Learned to Admit I Was Wrong and Love the Quarterback

January 20, 2011

On July 6, 2010 I wrote the following (presented unchanged):

For the record, I was never a fan of adding the (once) phenomenal athlete to the team – and, unlike many people, my displeasure had nothing to do with the fact that he killed dogs(**). I’m not really sure what people ever saw in him besides his speed and agility, but “Earth to football executives…” he is NOT AN NFL QUARTERBACK!

**Though as a dog lover, I can’t say that didn’t play some role.

Has anyone ever seen Vick throw a legitimate pass under 60 yards? No, because he couldn’t execute a proper screen pass, cross pattern or out route to save his life. And he’s a left-handed quarterback to boot, which gives him an automatic handicap(***). I get that he has a cannon for an arm and can throw a tight spiral the length of the field, but how the hell is that supposed to work in Andy Reid’s dink-and-dunk west coast offense?

***Can anyone name the top-five left-handed quarterbacks in NFL history? Number one is obviously Steve Young – the model for all left-handed football players (and I would have called him the “gold standard,” but Jeffrey Lurie and Joe Satan Banner have forever tarnished the meaning of the word). But then it goes Kenny Stabler, Boomer Esiason and Mark Brunell. Number five? Detroit Lions great Scott Mitchell. That’s how pathetic the list of southpaw QBs is, and the number one reason why you should NEVER trust a left-handed passer (sorry to break it to you Arizona fans, but Matt Leinart ain’t the answer).

Wow, how’d that turn out? I’ll be the first to admit that I was horrifically wrong – except for the Matt Leinart/left-handed QB part – but I absolutely stand by the first paragraph. That was 100 percent my opinion on Michael Vick prior to Kevin Kolb’s brain being shaken violently by Clay Matthews, Jr. in week one of the 2010 NFL season.

And honestly – unless you were an out-and-out Vick fan and apologist for his entire career, claiming he was Superman – you probably thought something along the same lines. He was a glorified running back with an inaccurate cannon of an arm.

Then he came to the Eagles.

The Walrus gets very-little-to-no credit for Vick becoming the ultimate weapon he eventually became this season. Coaching-up Quarterbacks is one of Andy Reid’s that I truly appreciate, but let’s get one thing straight: He had no idea what Vick was(*).

(*)Copyright Mike Missanelli.

The Walrus convinced The Billionaire and The Devil to “take a chance” on Vick when nobody else would – partly because of the issues with his sons, but mostly do to the fact that Reid thought he could get a second round pick for him if he showcased him enough in the Wildcat. Add to that the insane amount of publicity and attention they received “rescuing” the polarizing, social-pariah Vick, and The Devil and Lurie were all-in.

They continued the charade by paying him a roster bonus of $1.5 million, guaranteeing his $5.25 million base salary, which they figured wouldn’t matter because they’d be dumping him, and, according to many sources, particularly ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio, tried relentlessly to do. But they failed, and were on the hook for that money whether they released him or not – and we know how the Eagles feel about wasting money. And, if you recall correctly, they didn’t even give him a chance to compete for the starting Quarterback spot. He won it by default, when Kolb got concussed and Vick played like Vick.

Sure, you could argue that Reid and his coaching staff did wonders with Vick, turning him into the dynamic force he became this season. But how come they didn’t recognize that in the mini-camps or Training Camp? How come he was still being regulated to that Wildcat bullshit on the first two drives of the season? Because The Walrus thought he had re-invented football? Actually, yes. They had no idea what they had with Vick until Week 3, when he had a coming-out-party against the Jaguars, throwing for 291 yards and three touchdowns (119.2 QB rating), running for another TD and no turnovers.

Mike Vick finally proved why he was taken 1st overall in the 2001 NFL Draft. His upside was something nobody had ever seen done on a football field, and he didn’t reach it in Atlanta. It took a total shakeup of his life – from his occupation and freedom, to his financial and social status, to his friends and loved ones, even down to his core beliefs and world-view – and then his subsequent devotion to change, be great and, ultimately, redeem himself – for Vick to finally reach his true potential. It’s been said a million times before, but it’s true… Hollywood couldn’t write that story.

He was phenomenal this season. In five games he had more comebacks than McNabb has had in his career:

  • Week 9 vs. Indianapolis Colts – Down 17-16 in the third, won 26-24
  • Week 11 vs. New York Giants – Down 17-16 in the fourth; won 27-17
  • Week 13 vs. Houston Texans – Down 24-20 in the fourth; won 34-24
  • Week 14 vs. Dallas Cowgirls – Down 20-17 in the fourth; won 30-27

And of course, the legendary…

  • Week 15 vs. New York Giants – Down 31-10 with 8:12 left; won 38-31

Vick almost pulled two other comebacks: In Chicago (Week 12), the Eagles trailed 31-13 in the fourth, before Vick willed them back to within five, but they simply ran out of time(**).  And you know what happened in the Playoffs against Green Bay.

(**)Of course, had the equipment manager given the players the proper cleats before the game stared, maybe they could have won the game in the first half.

What Vick said after the game really stuck with me: “I made a mistake, but I went down swinging.” I love that attitude. I’ve wanted to hear an Eagles Quarterback say that for so long I can’t remember. What a completely different feeling those words give you, as opposed to “I’m the captain of this ship. I need to do better” and “Some players showed their youth.”

Vick is a warrior. If you listened to Mike Missanelli’s interview with Vick yesterday on 97.5 The Fanatic, you heard Vick and Missanelli discuss how that attitude is a product of where he grew up, and was also embodied by another Virginia-native, Philadelphia-legend – and one of my all-time favorite athletes – Allen Iverson. Iverson epitomized the “Warrior” spirit that Vick exudes and their play, respectively, proves it: Reckless, selfless abandon; immense heart and pride; extraordinary athleticism; and absolutely no ability to play at less than one hundred-percent effort.

That’s the type of player that Philadelphia idolizes. That’s the type of player that this Eagles team desperately needs (considering he was worth at least two wins alone). That’s the type of player – and person – that I love.

I was wrong about Michael Vick. But I’m certainly happy to admit it.