NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Eagles Do Nothing And Like It

January 30, 2012

In case you haven’t heard yet today(*), Don Juan Castillo is officially back in the saddle as Eagles Defensive Coordinator. Let’s just let that sink in for a minute, shall we…

(*)Or have yet to come to the sobering realization.

Done yet? No? Need another moment?

Good? Ok, let’s move on.

Basically The Walrus, The Devil and The Billionaire just said to all of us “We’re good. We like what we saw in 2011. Let’s give it another go in 2012.”

If the Billionaire slapping us in the face once this offseason wasn’t enough, well, time to take it on the other cheek. So much for all of his “disappointed, embarrassed, disgraced” bullshit bravado. Way to really be committed to change there, Mr. Oscars-Are-More-Important-Than-Lombardis. What a pompous asshole.

The team’s big solution to fixing Juan’s insanely pathetic, maddeningly awful Defense? Bring in Miami’s recently jettisoned interim Head Coach Todd Bowles to coach the Secondary. Seriously. That’s the big Machiavellian coaching move that’s going to change it all!

So, if you’re keeping track — and we know we are — that’s zero semblance of an actual plan, and 100% complacency. Good job fellas! Way to make up for the lost season of 2011!

To add insult to injury, the front office has the testicular fortitude to claim that they see Bowles as a soon-to-be NFL Head Coach(**)… Well guess what Eagles ass brass? Make him your freaking Head Coach then! Stop dicking around and wasting our time with that fat useless Walrus you have, who needs more time to catch his breath than come up with gameplans. If Bowles is so highly sought after, at least give him the job of running the Defense, not playing understudy to an underqualified, overwhelmed Offensive Line Coach.

(**)He did interview for various Head Coaching vacancies in the last few weeks.

The state of this team is unbearable anymore. They already declared that the 2012 season is a lost cause… because guess what? They will NOT win a Super Bowl with Juan Castillo as their Defensive Coordinator. Or Andy Walrus Reid as their Head Choke-artist Coach. Reuben Frank knows it. Jaws knows it. We know it. Shit, the entire football-following world knows it.

According to Frank, they didn’t even attempt to go after Steve Spagnuolo, an planned on keeping Juan all along. That’s just awesome.

Your biggest rival is 60 minutes away from winning ANOTHER Super Bowl… and this is the move you make to counter attack?! It’s inexplicable. It’s embarrassing.

It’s typical Eagles football.

We’ll be back tomorrow after The Walrus finally pulls his head out of his ass to speak to the media. Unless of course its to wax poetic about the Sixers(***) again… In which case, you may see us on the news, being led out of the NovaCare Complex.

(***)A Philadelphia sports team that’s actually, you know, enjoyable to watch…

Just let the cops know that our motives were just.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

Recommended Reading: Ray Didinger Takes The Billionaire To Task

January 4, 2012

If you’re an Eagles die-hard(*), you already know that Ray Didinger is a walking, talking, breathing football encyclopedia. His brain may as well be the motherboard of NFL Archives. His knowledge, information and experience as a football writer/Eagles fan is unprecedented.

(*)And if you’re reading this, we assume you are…

R-Diddy is the Oracle of Football.

When he has something to say – and he often does – whether its on the air or in print, we read and we listen. And Ray has some strong words for one Jeffrey Lurie.

In his latest piece on CSNPhilly.com, “Lurie’s Words, Inaction Don’t Add Up” Didinger takes The Billionaire to task for yesterday’s inane, offensive (to Eagles fans and people with IQs above 20) press conference, and shares the same line of thinking that we’ve been touting here on Fire The Walrus.

It’s a must-read for the FTW-lover/Lurie-hater in all of us! We know The Billionaire could care less what some blog says about him… but a Pro Football Hall of Fame writer? That’s another story. Like Andy Reid, those words carry weight.

We only hope that The Billionaire is intelligent enough to heed them… Or at the very least, acknowledge that one of the all-time pre-eminent football minds is calling him out for his outright cowardice.

When Ray Diddy calls bullshit, you better believe he knows what he’s talking about.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

From “Gold Standard” To “Fool’s Gold”

January 3, 2012

In our blinding anger today(*), we missed a few key points/moments/incidents today that make our frustration level go off the charts…

(*)Not too mention the fact that today was the first day back at work from the holiday.

First of all – and thanks to friend-of-FTW Brian for pointing this out – The Billionaire, who once infamously claimed his franchise was the “Gold Standard”of the NFL, declared that the “strong” finish to the season was “Fool’s Gold.” We even had it quoted in our last post. How we missed this is beyond us(**), but the irony is delicious.

(**)Again, immense head-pounding anger will blind you to things.

To call anything the “Gold Standard” without it actually doing anything to obtain such a distinction is ludicrous – as well all know. Lurie DESERVED to have it blow up in his face. Clearly he didn’t think before he chose his words today.

As Sal Paolantonio points out on 97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli Show, The Billionaire isn’t just backtracking, he’s lowering the bar. The goal used to be to win the Super Bowl… according to Lurie, the goal is now to simply make the playoffs. Sal Pal and Mikey Miss also hit on another point: What qualifies as a success next season? What does this team need to accomplish to save The Walrus’ job? Because if you read between the lines, Andy’s team simply needs to be in the postseason.

Sal also reiterates something we said earlier. Lurie had to GO OUT OF HIS WAY to tell fans Reid is coming back. That’s how angry Eagles fans are.

And speaking of our anger… Evan Mathis. Oh, Evan Mathis. You had to go there didn’t you:

No Evan Mathis, you’re the idiot. It’s one thing for players to stick up for their coach(***). It’s a whole other thing to call fans idiots. Much like we said earlier this year about Fredo Matthews, you’ve been here for less than a year… SHUT UP!

(***)If you recall, Mathis was one of the players who angrily stepped to Sign Man earlier this year outside of the Novacare Complex (in the midst of our #OccupyNovacareComplex campaign) about his “Andy, The Times… To Go” sign.

Mathis even appeared – via phone – on CSN’s Daily News Live today to defend The Walrus, and credit to the DNL crew, they gave it right back to him(****). Michael Barkann sounds like a FTW-reader, backing the fans and our frustration with the fat man, Dick Jerardi sounds annoyed with The Walrus’ schtick… hell, even Ray Diddy gets in on the action!

(****)Sorry we can’t post the video, but please click the link and watch… It’s worth it!

Unfortunately, the video cuts out before the guys really get into it. They even go so far as to question Reid’s intelligence and that his arrogance is a cover for his ineptitude and the fact that he gets caught lying, like he has all the answers – a post for another day. We will link to video of the conversation when/if it’s posted.

Even more unfortunate? The fact that we are stuck with this owner, this coach and these imbecile players – though thankfully Mathis is a free agent… but he’ll likely be back.

Lastly, a programming note. Now that the offseason is here, we will finally get back to our running list of “Reasons to Fire The Walrus,” as there are still thousands to go… and the list just keeps on growing. We’ll also take a look at the impending moves that must should be probably won’t be made, like: What should happen at Defensive Coordinator – though our initial guess is that Juan returns (UGH!)? Why Steve Spagnuolo  should come back home. What to do with Desean… long story short, there’s a lot to talk about. And we’ll likely have much more to say about The Billionaire insulting our collective intelligence.

Thanks to Jeffrey Lurie, we’re off and running with the offseason. Also thanks to Jeffrey Lurie, we have a massive headache and murderous rage.

Fool’s Gold indeed, Jeffrey… Fool’s Gold indeed!

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Posted by Chase Wexler

NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: The Billionaire’s “Anger” And “Frustration” Makes Us Angry and Frustrated

January 3, 2012

Make no mistake, The Billionaire, Jeffrey Lurie, had nothing even remotely “news-worthy” or “important” to say at his press conference today.

Telling Eagles fans that The Walrus will return to “coach” his 14th season was expected. Did anybody really anticipate Reid’s firing today? Sure we prayed for it before going to bed last night… but in no way, shape or form did we expect Lurie to do anything but defend the coach he pulled out of obesity obscurity a decade and a half ago.

What The Billionaire did do, however, was slap Eagles fans in the face…

From Reuben Frank’s piece on CSNPhilly.com(*):

Lurie opened his press conference by expressing his extreme disappointment with this season. He said his primary emotions were “anger” and “frustration.”

“This season was without question the most disappointing season since I owned the team,” Lurie said.

“It’s completely unacceptable to be 8-8.”

Lurie didn’t take much from the Eagles’ strong finish, saying they proved they “could dominate against teams that weren’t competitive” and calling it “fool’s gold.”

“To think there are any excuses for taking that long to come together is misplaced,” Lurie said.

(*)We were unable to watch today’s press conference, and probably should be thankful, as we would no longer own a TV that didn’t have a shoe embedded in the screen.

How dare The Billionaire tell us he’s angry and frustrated and disappointed and all his other brown-nosing bullshit, and then in the same breath say he wants to see the 2012 Eagles coached by Andy Reid?! Give us a break! Does Lurie seriously believe that we will take him for his word? Does he really think that Eagles fans are going: “Well, at least the owner agrees with us and won’t stand this anymore?”

Bullshit.

Doesn’t the fact that he had to hold a damn press conference just to announce Reid’s return say it all…

Jeffrey Lurie thinks Eagles fans are idiots. He thinks we’re gullible rubes who will believe anything the rich ruler tells us to believe.

If you’re so angry and frustrated and disappointed, Jeffrey, than fucking do something about it. Fire the damn imbecile that pisses puts you in this embarrassing position. Fire the “leader” of the underachieving, overpaid “dream” that you went “all in” on. Stop telling us what you think we want to hear and listen to the chants raining down at your stadium.

The Billionaire did nothing today, but prove he is a pompous aristocrat, more worried about taking our money than fulfilling his promises of championships. Andy Reid’s track record doesn’t mean one thing to us anymore. It stopped meaning anything a long time ago.

Dear Jeffrey Lurie: We’re angry. We’re frustrated. You’re a disappointment. Fourteen seasons without a Super Bowl is unacceptable. To make any more excuses for Andy Reid is foolish.

We hope you sit on you Oscar.

Lots more to come… Yet another offseason of discontent and disenchantment is just getting underway.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

The Day After: The Nightmare May Be Over But The Insanity Continues

January 2, 2012

Another season gone, another empty trophy case.

Sure the Eagles “looked like a football team” these last four weeks, but at what cost? To save face? To save Juan’s job? To save The Walrus from extinction?

They may have been playing for pride, but the Eagles just rubbed the 2011 season in our faces. They showed us what could have been, and that’s a kick in the teeth. There’s no consolation prize for finishing the season on four game win streak, when the first twelve games were a mitigated failure.

Thanks for finally showing guys! Maybe you should have done that in September…

Meanwhile, The Devil and The Billionaire have been in uncharacteristically silent, sparking “intrigue” into what might be going on behind the scenes. But don’t get your hopes up, because Andy Reid will be back once again. Maybe they do replace Juan with Stevie Spags – who we would love to see return home, as he was the rightful heir to Jim Johnson’s DC throne… But apparently can’t co-exist with Jim Washburn and the Wide-9 – but major, headline-making changes are not on the horizon.

We’re calling Banner’s bluff. As “all in” as they may have been in August, the excuses are coming in January… no minicamps, no real offseason, limited training camp, no time for cohesion, too many new faces. The front office will give Andy another chance with this team.

What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same over and over again and excepting different results.

Welcome to 2012… Year 14 of insanity.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

Walrus Droppings: Even On Off Days The Eagles Find Ways To Make Us Hate Them More

December 8, 2011

Vick’s Epiphany Is Too Little, Too Late
Yesterday, Michael Vick dropped a sound bite that was insanely infuriating.

The oft-injured Quarterback, who is coming back to the starting lineup after his latest ailment – and just in time… it’s not like we want the Eagles to lose the remaining four games or anything(*) – has finally come to a realization that he needs to better protect himself. By sliding. Welcome to 2010 Mike Vick!

(*)Sarcasm alert!

Look, we love the guy’s heart and toughness, and if you’re an avid reader of this site, you know we hold a special place for players who “leave it all out on the field.” But this is something that we, along with every Eagles fan and Philadelphia sports media member, have been screaming for him to do since he took over as the team’s leader. We specifically recall an interview Vick did with Mike Missanelli, where Mikey Miss pleaded for him to start sliding and Vick declared that he didn’t know how, nor did he want to. It wasn’t his style.

Apparently, breaking multiple ribs and missing multiple games is right up Vick’s alley.

Vick puts himself in harm’s way when he takes off down field. He rarely runs out of bounds, never, ever slides, and somehow absorbs more punishing hits than anyone else in the league – though Roethlisraper is certainly a close second. Vick is a warrior, we get that. But there comes a point where putting your health on the line can be detrimental to the team… and Vick passed that point last season.

Think about it this way: If Vick doesn’t get knocked out of the Falcons game in Week 2, do the Eagles lose? If Vick starts against the Patriots and Seahawks, are those games (embarrassing) losses? We don’t know the answers, but we do know that we like the team’s chances a whole lot more with Vick under center than Kafka or Young.

So while we’re glad that Vick has “learned” his lesson, we would have been much happier if he would have just come to that conclusion a year or two earlier. But, you know, a full 16 games of Vick clearly isn’t as important as a 4-8 record…(**)

(**)Did we mention that we hate this team?

Eagles Claim Another Meaningless “Championship”
If you’re an Eagles season ticket holder, or a sucker member of the official Philadelphia Eagles mailing list, then yesterday you received an email notifying you that the Eagles were named the 2011 Sport Team of the Year.

Now, if you’re like us, the first thought that popped into your brain when reading that was obviously: “What organization honors teams for being the best at being the most disappointing? Did the Razzies start handing out sports awards?” No, they didn’t.

The award was actually given to the Eagles by Beyond Sport, an organization “dedicated to using the power of sports to bring about social change around the world.”(***)

(***)And an organization who’s Web site is unreadable. Seriously guys… dark gray type on a dark maroon background?!

Why did the Eagles receive such a “high” honor? According to the Eagles’ letter:

What this award really does is recognize the many, many contributions of everyone in Eagles Nation to the success of these programs since 1994.

Yes, the Eagles have a superb recycling program. Yes, the Linc is vegetarian friendly. Yes, the Eagles are all about energy conservation, what with the wind turbines that will be installed on top of the Linc(****). Yes, the Eagles raise money for Breast Cancer Awareness and do their part to “Go Green.” It’s all very respectable.

(****)Wasn’t that supposed to happen by now? They weren’t bullshitting us, were they?

What’s not respectable? Shoving their accomplishment in our faces.

Is the letter – signed by The Billionaire, The Devil, The Walrus and, very curiously, The Billionaire’s wife (?!) – supposed to make us feel better? Is it supposed to make us forget about this pathetic excuse for a season? Are we supposed to talk about how good are football team is… at caring about others?

We’re all for Breast Cancer Awareness and being environmentally conscious and being good to others – you know, besides a particular Walrus – but the only environmental thing the Eagles have done all year is save paper by not handing out pink slips to the coaching staff!

Eagles’ management should get a clue. Save your self-serving announcements of non-football related accolades for the offseason. No need to make us even angrier than we are. Because, honestly, the second thought we had about this letter – after “Really?!” – was “shove it up your ass!”

But hey, maybe The Billionaire was right, the Eagles’ organization really is the gold standard… at everything OTHER THAN FOOTBALL.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

The Day After: The Rest Of The League Calls The Eagles “All In” Bluff

December 2, 2011

We shouldn’t be this mad this morning. We expected the Eagles to lose in Seattle… what with the short week, cross-country trip and no talent.

But what we witnessed last night was demoralizing/embarrassing/comical/heart-wrenching. The 2011 Philadelphia Eagles did the one thing that we find more deplorable than sticking up for Andy Reid: they quit. Quit on their coach (finally), quit on themselves and, worst of all, quit on their city.

It’s one thing to be bad. It’s an entirely different thing to be bad and have no heart.

So THIS is what it’s like to be a Coughlin-era Giants fan!(*)

(*)And even they got a fucking Super Bowl win out of it…

We don’t know about you out there in Fire The Walrus-nation, but we are mortified to be Eagles fans this morning. It hurts to have the team you live and die for show zero heart and desire on national television(**). It’s painful to have the team that means more to you than family quit against a team led by Tarvaris Jackson and Pete Cheat Carroll. It’s stupid to care this much, we know… but we do.

(**)Though we’re pretty positive that the only people watching that awful “game” were Eagles fans, Seahawks fans and degenerate gamblers.

We’ve never hated an Eagles team, but this year’s vintage has seriously put us over the edge. The Eagles are like a sibling… sure they do stuff that annoys us and from time to time (like the 2009 season) they do things that make us really angry and frustrated with them. But we never HATED them. The 2011 Eagles are the equivalent of your sibling raping/murdering your spouse. We hate them. We don’t care if they don’t make it back from Seattle.

Can you tell how angry we are today?

In all seriousness though, this HAS to be the end of the line for The Walrus. No matter how we’ve felt about Andy, the one thing we’ve always defended him on was the fact that his players never quit on him. No matter how ugly and tumultuous things got for his teams, they never stop playing for him. Well guess what… that’s over with! The tipping point has come. His players no longer care to kill themselves for him. And that is the straw that will finally break The Walrus’ back.

The Billionaire and The Devil and Howie – who all deserve an equal amount of scorn and pink slips(***) – have no excuse for not firing Reid. It’s over. His reign of terror is done. There is no coming back from this.

(***)If only someone had the power to shitcan the owner…

We have many more thoughts/concerns/comments regarding last night and the state of the team in general – things like: Desean Jackson is a bitch. Vince Young is a third-stringer at best. Jim Johnson could coach better from his grave than Juan Castillo does from the sideline – but we need to collect our thoughts and cool off.

Unlike The Walrus’ tenure, this isn’t over. More later.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

Walrus Droppings: Taking Umbrage With PFT’s Reid Assessment

November 30, 2011

If you’re like us – and we like to think you are – you’re likely a daily reader of the tremendous work of ProFootballTalk.com, a site/source we reference quite often.

Today though, the face of PFT, Mike Florio, wrote a piece titled “Signs Point, For Now, To Reid Staying Put.”

While we’re far from surprised by the title and angle of the piece – we don’t realistically see The Walrus being fired after this season – we do take umbrage with some of the points Florio makes… even though they are credible. Here’s an excerpt:

The fact remains that Reid is a very good coach. He has proven to be one of the best quarterbacks coaches in league history, as evidenced by the reality that quarterbacks play better with Reid than they do with anyone else. From Mike Vick to Kevin Kolb to Donovan McNabb to Vince Young (with limited time in the system) to A.J. Feeley to Jeff Garcia to Koy Detmer to Mike McMahon, Reid has shown on a consistent basis that he can coach up quarterbacks. Since quarterback remains the most important position on the field, that ability should not be underestimated.

Then there’s the fact that Reid would quickly find himself on the wish list for pretty much any team that fires its coach. As Howard Eskin of NBC 10 and WIP radio pointed out on Monday’s PFT Live, Reid could be a perfect fit for the Chargers and quarterback Philip Rivers. If the Vikings, who once hired Reid’s right-hand man, decide to move on from Leslie Frazier in an effort to get a new stadium built, why not give the keys to Reid?

Then there are the Redskins, who may be more inclined to move on from Mike Shanahan if the man who has beaten the Redskins 16 of 25 times since Dan Snyder bought the team becomes available.

Regardless, someone will want to hire Reid. And the fear that he could go somewhere else and finish the job he started in Philly could be the factor that prompts owner Jeffrey Lurie to let Reid keep trying to finish the job where he started it.

Nobody – even us here at Fire The Walrus – would ever deny that Reid is a good coach – possibly the best in franchise history – and a savant when it comes to coaching up QBs.(*)

(*)This is not blasphemy, we promise. These are simply facts, regardless of how you feel about The Walrus.

With that being said, here is the part of the story that Florio, as an unbiased observer, totally misses…

We are more than ready to let him try to finish the job somewhere else and have someone different come in here to try to finish the job he started. There just simply comes a time when a coach – whether good, bad or otherwise – wears out his welcome, and that time came for Reid at least three years ago (and likely way before that). Andy Reid, no matter how good of a coach he may actually be, is not the end-all-be-all of Head Coaches. The Billionaire pulled him out of complete obscurity (remember, he was the Packers’ Quarterbacks Coach and never even held the position of Offensive Coordinator), so who’s to say it couldn’t happen again.(**)

(**)Though, in a perfect world, The Billionaire would sell the franchise and take his money-driven desires back to Hollywood where he belongs began. But alas, we do not live in such a world.

Eagles fans simply need a change… from the top down. We’ve watched what Andy’s capable of for 13+ years, and though we would never say he CAN’T win a Super Bowl, we’ve long ago run out of faith that it will happen in our city.

We’ve said it before and we’ll keep repeating it: The Colts needed a change at coach to get over the hump. So did the Bucs with Dungy, and we’d say he’s a pretty damn good coach (who also finished the job elsewhere). Thirteen years of the same abysmal playcalling, horrendous clock mangement and arrogant press conferences is more than enough. It’s time to make a change.

If Andy wins a ring somewhere else, so be it. Will we be pissed/annoyed/suicidal? Probably. But It’s just not gonna happen here, so he may as well take his “talents” elsewhere.

And as for his work with the Quarterback position… it really is a testament to what Andy Reid truly is: a Quarterbacks coach. Maybe a good Offensive Coordinator. What he’s not is someone who deserves to run the whole show… unless he has a Defensive Coordinator as talented as Jim Johnson was – you know, the real reason the Andy Reid-Eagles sustained success for so long.

So Fire The Walrus… no matter how well he coaches QBs or how likely it is for him to win else where. We just want to be done with him.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

NOT-SO BREAKING NEWS: Vick’s Yes-So Breaking Ribs

November 14, 2011

Bring on the excuses!

According to multiple every news source, Vick’s ribs were broken on the second play of yesterday’s debacle game. He didn’t tell the coaching staff. Way to add injury to insult!

Look, Michael, we know you’re a warrior and are super competitive and everything, but seriously… if you knew your ribs were badly hurt (let alone broken) after the second play of the game, why wouldn’t you tell someone? It’s okay to take yourself out of the game, considering the Offense couldn’t have played much worse than it did with you(*).

(*)And yes, we too cringe at the thought of Vince Young…

Frankly, rib injury or not, that was the single worst game of Vick’s Eagle-career and any excuse, whether legitimate or not, is bullshit. No one wants to hear it. We’re embarrassed enough as it is as a collective fan base… we don’t need this sorry excuse for a team giving opposing fans even more ammunition.

At this point – and we can’t believe we’re saying this – we welcome Vick’s injury. Of course we don’t wish him actual pain(**), but an un healthy-Vick/Vince Young combo will certainly ensure more losing. And this team needs to lose as much as it can(***).

(**)Please note: This is not an invitation to elicit the dog fighting argument.

(***)Get ready for a four-game win streak and an 8-8 finish!

Also, King Dunlap suffered a concussion, yet no coaches knew about it until after the game. You know, ‘cause concussions aren’t a hot topic right now or anything.

Way to coach Andy… guess you need to “do a better job of that.”

To add even further insult (to our intelligence), read ESPN’s (formerly-Philadelphia Inquirer’s) Ashley Fox’s take on whether a losing season guarantees The Walrus’ ouster(****). Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Primarily due to Jeffrey Lurie’s propensity to go against the fan base’s wishes. Thanks Billionaire!

(****)And note that we’ve been saying the same thing. Unfortunately, 3-13 doesn’t guarantee Reid’s gone.

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Posted by Chase Wexler

The Day After: Is It Too Late For A Lockout?

October 10, 2011

Well, here we are… one of the lowest points in recent Philadelphia sports history. Who would have thought that July 29 – the infamous day where, in a two-hour span, the Eagles surprisingly signed Nnamdi Asomugha and the Phillies miraculously traded for Hunter Pence – would be the apex of the 2011 sports year for our tortured city? That was it. That was our championship.

There was so much hope that day, and the weeks to follow. The future looked so bright for our two favorite franchises(*) and our city was envied by sports fans across the country. The Eagles and Phillies were being LAUDED nationally… a feat so rare, it comes around as often as Halley’s Comet. Philadelphia was on the precipice of greatness, of championships, of parades… But, realistically, just on the precipice of failure.

(*)Yes, we’re four-for-four and love the Sixers and Flyers too. But we all know that the winter sports aren’t as meaningful as the summer/fall ones… at least until the playoffs start. It’s awesome that the Flyers are 2-0 and look great, but realistically, call us in May/June.

And it’s not typical failure either. The Phillies – easily the most talented team in the National League, and on the paper, the strongest team in all of baseball – failed epically. Forget everything that happened before Game 5 of the NLDS(**), the Phillies went into the most important game of the season with the best pitcher in baseball on the mound… and he threw a one-run gem! Except they couldn’t even get a man to THIRD BASE?! They couldn’t muster more than three hits, let alone a single run.

(**)Oh, Cliff and your four run lead…

Not to be outdone – and/or in an effort to steal headlines from the woeful Phillies – the pathetic Philadelphia Eagles burst out of the gate in 2011 about as well as Ryan Howard leaves the batter’s box: Crippled. The Eagles could have started 2-3 and it would have been considered a disaster. But no… that wouldn’t be enough for our fragile psyches. The Walrus’ “team” stands at 1-4 and our fans stand on the edge of the Ben Franklin Bridge.

Sports are supposed to be the distraction from our shitty lives. Our country is in an awful place, our economy is fucked, our entertainment consists of idiots from Jersey and a rich, spoiled, untalented Armenian family, we’re overworked, underpaid, pissed off… And our sports teams are simply exasperating the situation. There is nothing to look forward to, no hope on the horizon.

Sure, there’s always next year… but unless next year includes a new football coach and new starting lineup for our baseball team, there’s just going to be the year after that.

Was 2008 an aberration? A fluke? A once in a generation moment of success and pleasure, that won’t return for another 25 years? It certainly feels like it. It feels like 2008 didn’t even happen. We’re right back to where we started: always expecting the worst, always experiencing the worst.

If you can’t tell, depression is in the air today. What transpired over the past 72 hours was pure torture. It’s taken every last bit of feeling and emotion out of us. Its kicked us in the teeth and punched us in the stomach.

Where do we go from here?

It’s not like a 1-4 start, or even a 1-15 finish, will mean the definite end of The Walrus’ regime. The Billionaire and The Devil LOVE Andy. He can do no wrong. Even failing with a team (supposedly) as talented as this one, isn’t a sure thing to get him a pink slip. And doesn’t that seem where we’re headed? The disappointment and frustration isn’t enough… let’s keep the heart of the problem here and see how he can fuck it up again next year. Let’s continue to dig the knife deeper into the hearts of Philly sports fans.

We didn’t post this last night after the game, because we knew it would be a rambling, incoherent mess(***)… and obviously it still is. It’s impossible to wrap our brains around the pain we feel right now. It’s too much to even talk about Jason Avant or Juqua Parker or Blaine Bishop Jarrad Page. The individual pieces don’t matter. The entirety of the Eagles organization (and Philly sports in general) is horrifically flawed. It needs to be blown up. It needs to start from scratch. It needs to Fire The Walrus.

(***)You know, as opposed to everything else we write…

We’ll wrap this mess of a post up with something Mike Florio wrote on profootballtalk.com this morning:

“So when going ‘all in’ and losing, what happens?  Do you get a new pile of chips to gamble next year?  Or is there accountability for making a bad bet?”

We want to know the same thing Mike… we want to know the same thing. Unfortunately, Andy Reid is staked to a seemingly endless supply of chips. Will The Billionaire and The Devil ever call his bluff?

Are we sure it’s too late to have that lockout?

 More to come… (including an actual recap of the embarrassment that was the Eagles versus the Bills).

Leave a Comment » | The Billionaire, The Day After, The Devil, The Walrus | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Chase Wexler

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