Fire The Walrus

Greetings Fire The Walrus Nation! We hope you are all safe and dry following Hurricane SAndy.

Today’s usual programming – Whisker Wednesday – will be interrupted. While we want to examine Michael Vick’s odd postgame presser from Sunday, where he more-or-less benched himself – in what Ray Didinger perfectly described as a concession speech)(*) – but we’re currently working on something special for you.

You know how we started counting down the final days of the Andy Reid-era? You know how we love having our opinions confirmed by smart football people?

Well, then you should absolutely read (oft-recommended) Bill Barnwell – of Grantland.com – and his recent take on Andy’s remaining days in Philadelphia. Barnwell’s piece “Winter Is Coming To Philly,” runs back many of the Eagles’ issues – issues that we have been documenting for weeks years – and why it’s time for The Walrus to finally dive back into that salty sea water from whence we came.

The Juan Castillo disaster, Nnamdi Toastmugha and the secondary that scares absolutely no one, the Michael Vick problem, the lack of line play on both sides of the ball, the undisciplined sloppiness and stupidity… We’re not the only ones picking at The Walrus’ blemishes. These are MAJOR, glaring issues that cannot be easily fixed, and shouldn’t be fixed by the current regime. The Philadelphia Eagles need a complete and total overhaul… From personnel to coaching to philosophy and attitude.

And Barnwell hits on the most important point of all… After jettisoning Castillo and placing all of the Defensive blame on his former Offensive Line Coach, Andy has only ONE more card to play. Benching Vick for rookie Nick Foles. It’s his last and final move before the entire house of cards collapses on him.

Yesterday, reports started surfacing that the move was made(*). But multiple conflicting reports, as well as (egregious) soundbites from players(**), have made it apparent that Vickhead is still the Eagles Quarterback. So, there’s that.

(*)But of course, those reports came from Eagles’ “sideline reporter”/Walrus-lapdog Howard “Burger King” Eskin. So… Take THAT with the smallest grain of salt.

(**)Look, we realize DeSean is going to stick up for his QB, but saying that Vick is still elite? Really?! Come on DeSean… You’re definitely somewhat maybe smarter than that.

We’re conflicted. On one hand, we can’t stand the thought of having to watch Vick run around like a chicken with its head off while launching insane, unfathomable passes and taking hit after hit after hit.

But on the other hand… Nick Foles is a lose/lose/lose situation for Eagles fans. Either he’s really bad and we’re right back to where we started with Vick(***); he’s an inconsistent mess-of-a-rookie QB with flashes of ability, which means we’ll have to suffer through a year-and-a-half of a mediocre signal-caller who will, at best, be a journeyman QB; or he’s really good, takes the Eagles on a run to the playoffs and convinces Lurie to give Reid a two-year contract extension.

(***)Or Trent Edwards… Yikes.

We’re TERRIFIED of that last scenario! But, we’re pretty confident that Foles is destined to be a career-backup Quarterback, who’ll bounce around the league for the next decade.

So, where does that leave the Eagles right now? With Vick. Until its not.

If the Eagles fall to New Orleans for their fourth straight loss, and Vick can’t take advantage of the (currently) single-worst Defense in the NFL… You better believe we will see Nick Foles under center.

And when that time comes, we’ll be holding our breath.

Yesterday, after the Eagles embarrassed the city of Philadelphia(*), we took (extremely warranted) shots at the Defense(**). Today, it’s the equally abysmal Offense’s turn.

(*)Though, thankfully not on national television. That’ll come next week, on Monday night in New Orleans…

(**)We failed to bring up one important thing during yesterday’s rant about the Defense… Third downs. The Falcons converted 7 of 13 third downs, with the majority of them coming in the first half, when the Eagles Defense thought they were still in pregame warmups.

The Birds’ Offense came out of the bye week the same way they went into it: sloppy, incohesive and poorly-coached, with absolutely zero urgency. They even started the game the same way they’ve begun the first six games of this season: with a three-and-out. Incompletion, run for no gain, sack, punt. Same as it was in weeks one through six. The Offense didn’t run its fifth play of the game until the second quarter. Hell… They were still running their first 15 scripted plays in the second half!

There’s only one word to describe yesterday’s performance: Pathetic.

Vick may not have turned the ball over, but he certainly tried hard… Passing balls directly to Falcons players, taking bad sacks, not protecting the ball, diving instead of sliding. The NFL season is about to enter week 9, yet Michael Vick seems stuck in week 3 of the preseason.

Meanwhile – and, of course, yet again – Andy totally forgot to utilize his best (if not only) Offensive threat, LeSean McCoy. It’s almost criminal at this point, the way he refuses to give Shady touches.

There was a particular three play stretch that started with the last play of the first quarter, where number 25 wasn’t even on the field… For three straight plays!!! He wasn’t injured. He wasn’t fatigued. Before each play, you could see him start running out onto the field before Mornhinweg would hold him back on the sideline. How the fuck does that make sense?!

Again – and we honestly can’t stress this enough – Shady is, by far, the best player on this team. A shitty team at that. He may be the most talented Eagles’ Running Back of our lifetime… Yet, we’ll never truly know what he’s capable of, because he’s only getting 15 touches a game. Elite Running Backs typically carry the ball 20-30 times per game. Shady consistently gets 12 carries or less! And the Offense OBVIOUSLY suffers because of it…

If the Offense was running through McCoy – like it should be – Michael Vick wouldn’t have so much pressure on him, both literally and figuratively. Vick would have more time to throw, because Defenses would be kept honest. Instead, they simply pin their ears back and run Vick all over the field. Giving Shady the ball, would force opposing pass rushers to stay home and protect against the run. But no, Andy would much rather see his overwhelmed QB run around, take nasty, unnecessary hits and throw balls into the dirt, into the bleachers or into the arms of opposing players.

And what do we say about an Offensive Line that can’t do the job they’re paid millions of dollars to perform? This unit might be the worst on the team(***). For all of Vick’s horrendous decision-making and the Offense’s ineptitude, it all starts with the O-Line… And they are flatout terrible.

(***)And that’s really saying a lot.

Sure, there are injuries – All-Pro Jason Peters was lost for the year in the offseason and losing Center Jason Kelce was a killer – but, for what it’s worth, Andy Reid has never had an issue with plugging in backup linemen and making it work. That’s actually always been one of his strengths.

So what’s the excuse now? Yeah, backups Dallas Reynolds and Dennis Kelly couldn’t start in a semi-pro league, but it’s Todd Herremans, the line’s elder statesman and only viable asset, who’s been particularly putrid. Yesterday may have been his worst game as a pro. Bad holding and false start penalties, sacks, missed assignments, poor footwork. The Falcons pass rushers had no problem getting past Herremans all day. He almost seemed aloof… Like he just didn’t care.

Todd’s the guy that Andy should be relying on to hold down the fort and keep that line together until everyone is healthy. He needs to be the leader, the one that steps up and gets that unit out of the doldrums. But he’s failing. Miserably.

Herremans has turned into a perfect microcosm for the Eagles’ Offense… He has a super high level of talent and skill, yet he’s way too sloppy, too careless and just simply doesn’t seem to give a shit if he saves Andy Reid’s job or not.

And that’s really what it comes down to this week… Andy Reid’s job.

His players don’t seem to care that he’s on the chopping block, which is very telling. Last year, they quit on him in Seattle and we claimed it was the end for him, yet he somehow won them back and kept plugging away. But after news that he gave them a pregame, closed-door talking-to yesterday, which they CLEARLY didn’t respond to… That’s a team that has quit on its coach. Plain and simple.

Is there any chance The Walrus can pull another miracle out of his considerably large ass and turn this around? Perhaps. Is it worth it? No.

This Eagles team sucks and they’re only getting worse. And we don’t just mean this season… The Andy Reid-era Eagles have not been legitimately good since the 2007 playoff run, and even that team overachieved. So why try to salvage what’s left? They’re not capable of winning a championship this year. They may not even be good enough to be 8-8!

But, for once, that’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that we care about is that there are only nine more weeks left until this affront to football is over. Our favorite team will no longer be held hostage by a sea-dwelling mammal.

Nine more weeks to Fire The Walrus. We can make it!

The firing of Juan Castillo was just the first domino to fall.

Surely, there are more to come… Will Vick be replaced by rookie Nick Foles? Will Offensive Coordinator Marty Mornhinweg finally be ousted? Will Andy hire a 12-year old Madden expert to handle the playcalling?

Anything’s possible… For this is uncharted territory for Andy Reid.

In his 14 years as Head Coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, Reid had never had his seat feel this warm. At no point, had owner Jeffrey Lurie given Reid an ultimatum to “win or else,” but that has finally changed this year. Andy is charged with improving this team and finishing better than 8-8. It’s not likely. And now, at 3-3 and with only 10 games left to prove his worth, Andy Reid is desperate.

It’s finally happening, Fire The Walrus Nation. We may finally get our long desired dream come true!

But back to the news at hand… From the moment Andy hired Todd Bowles to coach the Secondary, we knew this move would eventually come. Bowles was a Head Coaching candidate during the offseason and, unlike the now-gone Juan, he is more-than-qualified to man an entire Defensive unit. So, Andy purposely put this failsafe in place, knowing he had a mid-season scapegoat in Castillo, if needed.

Well, naturally, he needed him. And it’s a good thing he premeditated all this instead of, you know, hiring a real Defensive Coordinator like Todd Bowles in the offseason. Buddy forbid Andy would do anything right the first second time. And let’s not forget… Juan should NEVER have been given the job to begin with!

Again… It’s his arrogance that sets Andy Reid apart from everyone else and makes him the complete bane of our existence.

So, we’re one day into the bye week and already the Eagles have been shaken up. Something else will follow soon. Andy will do anything he can to right this ship and save his job.

Clearly, The Walrus isn’t a fan of the rising temperature in his water tank.

Still more to come later today…